True love lasts forever

Chrishanthi speaks of life with STF Commandant DIG Nimal Lewke:

"He was a Sub Inspector under my father who was In-Charge of the Police Field Force Headquarters, Bambalapititya. He was a Rugby player, and we used to go to see him playing. I was just a young teen girl then," Chrishanthi recalls the sweet memory lane of her romance with her hubby DIG Nimal Lewke, Commandant, Special Task Force (STF).

"He just joined the Police and was about 22 years. Both he and we were living in the same quarters complex. So I used to cut across the complex and would pass through the Police Mess every morning to go to school. Sometimes it was a case of him standing at the balcony and looking at us. Also when I used to go to play netball at the Police grounds, he used to come and practise somewhere around there. I knew he was interested in me," smiles Chrishanthi.

Nimal would have already known about Chrishanthi. But still he had not exchanged a word with her. However much the desire prompting him he was a bit away since her father was the top man in the place. But one day, he caught an opportunity and managed to talk to her outside the Mess.

It was about something in general. Both his and her friends were around. But those few words lead them to a long journey inclusive of an eight and half years of a love affair and a 25-years of married life.

Chrishanthi Valerie Silva was born on August 21 in 1961 to the Chief Inspector of Police S.L.Silva and Pamela Valerie, Administrative Secretary at GTZ. Chrishanthi was the eldest to two brothers and two sisters. "My mother was from Kandy. So I studied at Hillwood College, Kandy both as a hosteller and a day scholar.

My grandfather, Dr. Ferdinand was an eye surgeon in Kandy. For schooling purposes I had to stay behind in Kandy with my grandparents. I was there up to grade 6. I studied in the English medium and with Bandaranaike's Government's policy, all the schools were converted only into Sinhala.

With my father's transfer we came down to Colombo in 1971. At that time, only St. Paul's, Milagiriya and Lindsay School were allowed to teach in the English medium. So, I entered to St. Paul's," she says.

At school, Chrishanthi showed her leadership and monitoring capabilities by being the Senior Prefect and the House Game Captain excelling in Netball, athletics and Hockey. "I was never into art and drama, but into music a lot. I learnt the piano and organ and also was in the school choir. I had a beautiful care free life," she recollects.

Chrishanthi was a studious. Her ambition was to join the Law College and be a top lawyer. She had all the mental and physical strength and capability. But most of everything lies on one's fate. Just after the A/Ls Chrishanthi's mother was keen in sending her to Finco Group of Companies owned by a relative of hers.

Though her mother intended her to stay there until she got her A/L results, destiny changed everything. Chrishanthi who started her life as a trainee at Personal and Administration decided to continue there going against the wishes of her parents.

"I stayed there over 5 to 6 years. I didn't want to leave the job because by that time I was independent. And then got married on December 29 in 1982," she says. Nimal Saddatissa Lewke was born on October 15 in 1951 in Kandy to Dr. Syrus Gurusinghe Lewke, General Medical Practitioner and Leeladevi Bandaranaike.

Nimal was one before the last in his family of three daughters and three sons. After completing his studies at St. Sylvesters College, Kandy, Nimal joined the Police as a Sub Inspector.

Nimal was a good boxer who had boxed for the school as well as at the National level. He started playing Rugby after he joined the Police. Nimal captained the Police Rugby team and was a Sri Lankan player as well until 1981. Presently he is the President of the Sri Lanka Rugby Union.

"I married him when he was an Inspector of Police (IP). He had to wait for that long as I was too young to get married. Ours was a 10 year gap. My parents who were really disheartened over my adamant decision to continue to work without taking up higher studies, tried many excuses in order to put Nimal off.

Not that they had anything against him, but they had better ideas for me," says Chrishanthi. "Nimal also had a lot of problems as he was from a Kandyan family. My father was a Sinhala Buddhist and my mother was a Burger.

All Nimal's family were arranged marriages and his was the only love affair in the family. His father was dead and his sisters and mother were bringing various proposals for him," she smiles. "He was his mother's pet. And I must tell you something that my mother-in-law was very nice to me," she recalls.

The outside world sees only the glamour that sometimes surrounds Forces' families. Rarely does one observe the plight and the struggle a Forces' wife goes through. Chrishanthi too had her share of problems.

"When the North and East War started Ravi Jayewardene (son of the former President J. R. Jayewardene) decided to form the Special Task Force. Since Nimal was a Champion Pistol shot, Ravi Jayewardene insisted on him joining the STF. Though I was thoroughly against it Nimal was very adamant and determined to join the STF.

Later I consented it very well knowing the risk involved," recollects Chrishanthi. "There was a time I used to jump from the bed when I heard the door bell, a knock on the door or a ring in the mid night. Every second brought an nightmare.

I used too get nuisance calls with death threats to Nimal as well. I was in constance fear as he was serving in the N-E throughout. While he was in the war front I was struggling alone at the home front.

I rarely took my problems to my parents as I married him against their wish. But they were there for me with a great helping hand. When both my kids were born Nimal was not there. He had to go to UK for the training at the British Special Air Force Service in 1983. I delivered our son seven days after he left.

When he returned back, our son was six months. I didn't want to have a second baby as I went through a lot of difficulties. I had our daughter after six years. Even at that time he was not present. My gynaecologist, Dr. N. T. Kurukulasuriya told me, 'You stayed for six years to have the second one, but still your hubby has not come'.. And that's the life of a soldier's wife," smiles Chrishanthi.

Nimal served in the STF for 10 years, and was politically victimised and transferred to Vavunia in 1994. But once again he was brought back to the STF as the Deputy Commandant in 2001. Deputy Inspector General (DIG) Nimal Lewke was appointed as the Commandant of the STF in 2003. He was installed with additional responsibility as the Security Co-ordinator for the Western Province from January 10 this year.

Question: It's a risky job. How do you feel about it?

Chrishanthi: I know it is risky. But I've gone through worst situations. Once he went missing as his troop had come under severe attack at Kokkadicholai in 1980s in which 13 died of a Land mine.

No one knew whether he was living or not. Our son was very small then. I didn't know how I lived those five days. When I heard him saying 'Hello' over the phone, I just banged the phone down as I had no strength to react in anyway.

I was sad; I was angry; I was confused....Oh! ....just terrible. Once he got caught to blast and still with a problem with one ear.

Question: He is a brave and skilled soldier. Nimal as a husband?

Chrishanthi: Very loving, understanding and patient. His only short coming was that he was not around with me and children due to his work. He would get me the 'sun' or 'moon' if I asked him. In that way he has spoilt me too (laughs). But through the past years I've learnt to be independent. But he has recognised that I sacrificed myself for him.

So he would do anything to please me.

After working at Finco Group for 6 years, Chrishanthi decided to change her profession and joined the Colombo International School's administrative division. This helped her to get into the environment of working with children. She then became the Manager, Administration and Finance at the college of World Education.

After her daughter was born Chrishanthi followed a Diploma in AMI Montessori method of education and child psychology. She is a graduate in Education Management as well.

Being a Police officer's wife Chrishanthi has being involved in many welfare and charity work in the Police Seva Vanitha and Police Families' Welfare Organisation. She started a Pre-School for the Police personnel at Maradana and was in-charge until she got the appointment as the Principal of Visakha Montessori, Bambalapitiya on August 1 last year.

"I have scope. Since the English medium is much sought after in the country, I've already started the English medium at the Visakha Nursery as well. There are 250 little ones in the day school and 50 can be accommodated in the Day Care. I love children and children take to me very quickly," explains Chrishanthi.

Question: Tell us about your children?

Chrishanthi: (laughs) Ok.... Dushanth, our son was a Royalist. Now he is 23 years old, and a National Rugby player. He graduated in Business Management in Australia. And at present he is working at the Union Bank.

He has inherited Nimal's qualities; quiet, shy and to himself. Even since he was a baby he was never a problem to us. Our daughter, Anushka is still 19 years; studied at Musaeus and the World Education; and is now following a LLB degree.

Unlike our son, Anushka is really vociferous and is the boss of the family who would go after nagging each family member to find out whether we had eaten, had our medicines and rest and so on. She is very concerned and affectionate.

Also unlike earlier I don't have to worry a lot about Nimal as now I have a company now. Both our children do it for me. They are more worried about his safety than me. Dushanth always says 'Thathi, don't try to be another Ranbo'....

Question: As a Forces wife what kind of a message would you like to give to society?

Chrishanthi: When you are woman getting married to a soldier, you should know that you are getting into the kind of a responsibility you have to shoulder. Try not to bring undue pressure on your husband as the life they lead is risky.

The wife has to be strong, independent and should be able to handle responsibilities on your own. Also you have to be very very understanding. When Nimal comes home I let him relax and have a normal life. Unless he talks I rarely ask about the war front or the work he handles.

We celebrated our 25th Wedding Anniversary last December. And when both of us look back we couldn't imagine all that went through in the long time of our married life. My hubby is a man who still loves to take risks. And that is part and parcel of him (laughs)...

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