Learning to 'cope'

By Umangi de Mel

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Stress is an unavoidable thing that one encounters on a daily basis. Irrespective of the venue, stress truly suck the life out of people, which is probably why learning to 'cope' won't hurt!

"Majority of the working class people including all working individuals upto professionals and people who are studying are exposed to tremendous stress both at work and living places," says Dr. Kapila Ranasinghe, Consultant Psychiatrist.

He says that when someone's actively interacting, it generates emotions in the mind. "These emotions like anger, sorrow, unhappiness, frustration and disgust lead to stress factors." People need to handle these emotions in a pro-active way and try to be more tolerant.

For example losing temper, worsens stress which will also generate anxiety. Anxiety can damage our immune system, mind and body.

Almost all the people, by the time they come to a working age, acquire certain 'coping skills' by various means so that majority can handle stress fairly well.

But some people can't, as their 'coping skills' aren't good.

Pointing out that an individual's coping skills depend on his/her personality and emotional learning from childhood, Dr. Ranasinghe says that these emotional skills develop from childhood by attachment to their parents and also by observing adults.

"When they're a bit older, they learn by trial and error in social exposure, during adolescence. But if someone's family is disrupted from childhood, if they have problems growing up or an unhappy adolescence constantly disturbed with fights, anger and domestic violence, they learn maladaptive techniques of coping. e.g. They project their anger on others, they'll pick on others at work places and houses.

To prevent this, parents need to learn more coping strategies and provide a harmonious family environment to children. They're educated alright but their coping skills truly suffer."

According to him, counsellors usually use techniques to develop their coping strategies in such individuals. They usually

1. help people to change their problematic environment or the manner of interacting with individuals.

Problem solving strategies -

If one's stressed out, he/she should list down the causes of stress.

He/she should have options for each cause and carry out the most practical ones. e.g. - If you are to receive or make phone calls and you are way too stressed out to do so, you must re-schedule the calls.

And when these strategies become a practise, they start doing it automatically.

2. Help an individual develop psychological skills so that they'll be immune to the daily stresses. e.g. If one's superior is nasty, the former should learn not to react but try and analyse. And rather than reacting one should learn to proact.

"The process needs a long time. It requires counselling. It's more of an intellectual way of handling. Learning to control and realizing the fact that by getting angry, they're the ones who are at the losing end.

What you should learn is not to lose your temper but limit it to thoughts. Associate with good natured people.

Human beings have an innate ability to cope," says Dr. Ranasinghe, adding that even a most mild natured person will shout in a stressful office environment.