Anuki’s Diary

Dear lovers,

Simple me and charming you

‘Secrets’: Doesn’t the word itself skips our heart beat for a moment? The secrets that we keep hidden inside us become the poison that makes us sick. Eventually these secrets will destroy us.

Poet Laureate John Berryman, (who leaped to his death from a bridge) wrote this particular line “we are sick as we are secret”. He alone knew what private demons drove him to death but the words he left behind, his life has a legacy of warning to the rest of us.

Wouldn’t it be great to put everything out and share your passions and fears in life with he or she? The first obstacle we face is inside us, even if I find the courage to open up, one might be filled with doubts like whether your partner would use it against at a later time? A good place to start, of course, would be to touch your own fears and imprison them.

We all have our own ways of communicating with our lovers. Let he or she knows that it’s not a simple statement of your past, present or future. It is about your laughter and tears, sadness and failures and more than all, it could be your memories, the one’s that have shaped and directed your life.

Dear lovers, showing the unique vision of yourself, is about the way you see the rest of the world which starts from yourself. It includes your secrets, hopes and values. More than all of these what is important in a relationship is the feelings.

A letter that I wrote to my lover: “I must tell you about my feelings, some are light, others are dark, some are beautiful others seem ugly to me but all of them are mine. I may not be good at explaining them, but I can describe them to you. I do know that my roots are many and tangled.

Some of my feelings are nourished at root level. They come from places and experiences stoned so deep in me that I have never really explored them. But this much I know: my feelings are mine, and when I share them with you, I have a sense of sharing my most sensitive self with you.

Though we use common labels, like anger and affection, no one has ever felt as I do, and if there is one who has come closer to it, that’s only you. Somehow I know that when I share my feelings with you I am sharing my one and only self.

“One more thing, I want to say clearly I want you to know this forever: Please do not blame me for been open up. Because blaming is just a game. Blaming is just one way of maintaining power over others and it removes one from the reality. In blaming everybody loses. The so-called winner can feel good or smug only for a while. At this moment it reminds me of a famous quote “growth begins when blaming ends”, how true isn’t it?

“In trying to share myself with you, I will be tempted to cover up my vulnerable places. I will want to close off certain rooms because they confirm secret weaknesses. If I do conceal my vulnerability, my weaknesses and my failures, I have not really showed my complete self to you.

But putting my whole self out, on the line, you will sense that I have taken a chance and have trusted you. One day you will also do the same. Because true love and communication is a decision and a commitment. So, love, please respect the simple me and I will respect the charming you.”

Tell me why?

Mother, nature please tell me,
Why do you create such a big sea?
Where no one can quench the thirst,
Why do you asked moonflower to bloom in the midnight?
When there’s no one to admire her beauty,
Why do you gifted nice pair of wings to ostrich?
Who never flies, how hard he ties in his lifetime,
Why do you made me to love a frozen lake?
Who is so silent to murmur of the breeze...

-Nalika-

You will realise

You never realised
The sacrifices I have done
You never realised
The way how I cried for you
I thought you were loving me for real
But the harsh truth is that
You have not loved me
Even for a second
You have not loved me
You broke my innocent heart
It’s ok because I can never hate you
But one fine day
You will realise...
No one will love you like myself
And you were never grateful to me....

-Harshani Wickramaratne