A man walked into heaven and was greeted by the heaven's secretary. "Well hello, Mr. Jones", the secretary politely said, "We'd love to have you here, but I'm afraid you can't come in unless you did a good deed in your life, and your record doesn't show anything. Did you do anything good?"

"Well recently, I saw this man being robbed by three huge gang members. So, I stopped my car and got out, walked to their leader and hit him hard on the head. After he fell dead, I looked at the others and said, "Who wants some of this?"

"That's very brave, and kind. What happened next?" asked the secretary.

"I'm here now, aren't I?"

George was getting ready to go to bed in the night when he realised that some people are in his shed, stealing things. He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Are they inside your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. The police explained that all patrols were busy, and that George should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago about the thieves in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said nobody was available!"