Compiled by Sajitha PREMATUNGA

Please limit your short stories to 1500 words and poems to 30 lines.

The panic stricken Italian followed my example. But alas his sarong became undone causing him to fall face down into the mud...........Later amidst roars of laughter and beer the Italian was advised to use a belt and secure his souvenir garment.

All in a day’s work

by D. S. Joseph

I am certain that all of us have encountered many funny incidents at work, whatever our professions might be. I commenced my hotel career a decade ago, as a management trainee, at a beautiful eco-resort, which was ideally located by a mangrove swamp and river.

During our free time in the evenings we had an assortment of activities, of which mine was to stand on a large raft, by the river and feed the water monitors with scraps of meat, serenaded by the melody of tropical birds. This gave you the feeling of adventure, you witness in an Indiana Jones movie .

One evening whilst we were engaging in this feeding routine an Italian guest boarded the raft, clad in a batik sarong. This man suggested that we tie some meat onto the line and hurl it further down stream and perhaps lure a small crocodile. Hesitantly we agreed. The line was cast creating a ripple. Seconds later a large monitor grabbed the succulent bait. We smiled. But to our surprise and horror the creature climbed the wooden raft in a carnivorous frenzy. I bolted.

The panic stricken Italian followed my example. But alas his sarong became undone causing him to fall face down into the mud. My colleague Shane, a fearless windsurfer, rose to the challenge, grabbed a long umbrella from the raft and firmly pushed the monitor back to its algae laden domain. Later amidst roars of laughter and beer the Italian was advised to use a belt and secure his souvenir garment.

Our paradise island is a dream destination for many couples, and some even renew their marriage vows in traditional Sri Lankan style. One evening such a ceremony was taking place in the landscaped garden, as two sun tanned Europeans pledged undying love for each other. The receding sun dazzled the sky with its radiant hues. The ceremony was made complete with the presence of a docile elephant, who was a pet to our staff. That evening the chefs had assembled a stunning backdrop for the champagne fountain, adorned with fresh fruits.

The playful pachyderm extended his trunk and grabbed a pineapple and made a slow retreat from the crowd. The mahout was surprised. Suddenly an elderly guest proceeded to throw some camera batteries at the elephant, which he later claimed was in self-defence. The animal took a few steps forward and trumpeted a thundering warning. The lean European overcome by paranoia tried to escape and ran straight into the champagne fountain, sending the expensive crystal glasses into orbit. The senior barmen muttered a muffled curse. The Kandyan dancers had bolted in the opposite direction. However the bridegroom was a jolly soul and popped the champagne cork, cheers! The dinner was awesome.

The Purchasing Manager and his two clerks invited me to join them on a visit to the crowded Negombo fish market. We travelled by van. The late morning air was heavy with an assorted smell of seafood. The fishmongers made many proclamations about the quality and freshness of their fish. One dare not question these pugnacious fellows. Even the betel-chewing women folk were equally cantankerous. We proceeded to walk into a makeshift hut, when suddenly its occupants, three guys in their late teens took flight and scrambled over a line of drying nets. We stood still. It was then that we noticed some bottles of illicit alcohol, boiled manioc and a pack of cards. A man emerged shortly and we made our purchase, obtaining a mega discount.

The old man then confided in us that the others having seen us in black shoes, crew cut hair and clean shaven had mistaken us to be cops. We were quite happy at this confession; nevertheless we hurried to the safety of the van.Every now and then a talented cultural troupe presented traditional dances at the hotel. The foreign guests used to be mesmerized by this splendid spectacle of folklore. One night as the show was in progress one of the performers who portrayed a Yaka (demon) decided to head back to the chalet allocated for their rest. He was clad in full black and wore a frightful mask with long free flowing hair. Meanwhile some Indian and Bangladeshi seamen were standing outside their chalets and chatting and smoking. Suddenly they saw this black evil form walking towards them. One fellow took off seeking divine deliverance. Another ran to the room, and, in garbled English urgently phoned the Duty Manager regarding a marauding spirit.

The excited Bangladeshi duo ran in vain, before colliding head on into a room service waiter as bottles of beer and devilled prawns spilt on them. The Duty Manager rushed to the room with a torch, and comforted the distraught seamen. One worthy soul was still hiding in the toilet. The Yaka now stood in the corridor his stage pomp and ego at its natural self.