Duties of parents - a Buddhist perspective
by D.P. Atukorale
It is the duty of parents to see to the welfare of their children. In
fact the dutiful and loving parents shoulder the responsibilities with
pleasure. To lead the children on the right path, the parents should
first set the example and lead ideal lives. It is almost impossible to
expect worthy children from unworthy parents. apart from Karmic
tendencies, the children inherit from previous births, they invariably
inherit the defects and virtues of parents too. Responsible parents
should take every precaution not to transmit undesirable tendencies to
their progeny.
According to the Singalovada Sutta, there are five duties that should
be performed by parents.
The First Duty is to dissuade children from evil
Home is the first school, and parents are the first teachers.
Children usually take elementary lessons in good and evil from their
parents. Careless parents directly or indirectly impart an elementary
knowledge of lying, cheating, dishonesty, slandering, revenge,
shamelessness and fearlessness for evil and immoral activities to their
children during childhood days.
The Second duty is to persuade them to do good
Parents are the teachers at home, teachers, are the parents at
school. Both parents and teachers are responsible for the future
well-being of the children, who become what they are made into. They are
and they will be, what the adults are. They sit at the feet of the
adults during their impressionable age. They imbibe what they impart.
They follow in their footsteps. They are influenced by their thoughts,
words and deeds. As such it is the duty of the parents to create the
most congenial atmosphere both at home and in the school.
Simplicity, obedience, cooperation, unity, courage, self-sacrifice,
honesty straight-forwardness, service, self-reliance, kindness, thrift,
contentment, good manners, religious zeal, and other kindred virtues
should be inculcated in their juvenile minds by degrees. Seeds so
planted will eventually grow into fruit - laden trees.
The third duty is to give the children a good education
A decent education is the best legacy that the parents can give their
children. There is no more valuable treasure. It is the best blessing
that parents could confer on their children. Education should be
imparted to them, preferably from youth in a religious atmosphere. This
has far reaching effects on their lives.
The fourth duty is to see that they are married to suitable
individuals
Marriage is a solemn act that pertains to the whole lifetime, this
union should be one that cannot be dissolved easily. Hence, marriage has
to be viewed from every angle and in all its aspects to the satisfaction
of all parties before the wedding.
According to Buddhist culture, duty supercedes rights. Let both
parties be not adamant, but use their wise discretion and come to an
amicable settlement. Otherwise, there will be mutual cursing and other
repercussions. More often than not the infection is transmitted to
progeny as well.
Last duty is to hand over to them art the proper time, their
inheritance
Parents not only love and tend their children as long as they are
still in their custody, but also make preparation for their future
comfort and happiness. They hoard up treasures at personal discomfort
and ungrudgingly give them as a legacy to their children.
The religion of compassion Buddhism is the religion of compassion and
as such the parents should never forget to present it to the children.
The parents should practice the four sublime states of the mind
taught by the Buddha in raising their children. They are Metta (loving
kindness) Karuna (compassion) Muditha (sympathetic joy) and Upekkha
(even mindedness). These four states well practised will help parents
remain calm throughout the difficult period of child rearing.
Perhaps the greatest challenge that parents have to face is the
proper upbringing of a child.
This is another aspect which distinguishes us from animals. While an
animal does care for the offspring with great devotion, a human parent
has a greater responsibility which is the nurturing of the mind. Buddha
has said that the greatest challenge a man faces is to tame the mind.
The parents are responsible for the development of a childs mind.
Whether a person becomes a useful citizen or not depends mainly on
the extent to which his mind has been developed.
When a child is yet a toddler, unable to express its needs, it is
quite prone to indulge in tantrums and crying. a parent who practices
the first virtue of loving kindness can maintain within himself or
herself to continue to love the child.
As the child becomes more mature as an adolescent, parents should
practice Karuna (compassion) towards him. Adolescence is a very
difficult time for children, and they are rebellious and a great deal of
their anger and frustration is directed at their parents and this is a
natural part of growing up and children don't mean to hurt their parents
wilfully.
Just before he becomes an adult a child will probably meet with
success in examination and other activities. This is the time for
parents to practice Muditha (sympathetic joy).
When a child has reached adulthood and has a career and a family of
his own, his parents should practice the great virtue of equanimity (Upekkha)
and parents should not interfere with the affairs of their children. If
parents practice equanimity they will remain serene in their old age and
thereby earn the respect of the younger generation.
A home where there is loving kindness compassion, sympathetic joy and
equanimity will be a happy home.
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