How to Appreciate Your Sweetheart
Step 1
Court, pursue, intrigue, charm. Remember how you acted when the two
of you first met, when you each wanted to woo the other, when you were
infatuated, driven to distraction, twitterpated, but not yet committed?
You got excited when he or she walked into the room, you smiled a lot,
you made eye contact, you paid attention, you were curious, you savoured
the minutes together, you put extra effort into how you looked, you
cleaned your car, you hid your dirty laundry, you closed the door when
you went to the bathroom.
 The freedom to be yourself completely, without editing or disguise,
is one of the joys of being in a committed relationship, and while I do
not advocate holding back or disguising your true self, I do know that
being laissez faire about the way you interact with and present yourself
to your sweetheart is a sure sign that you are taking your love for
granted.
Just because you’ve seen each other at your worst, doesn’t mean you
shouldn’t try to be your best every time you come together.
Step 2
Notice the nothing. It’s easy to acknowledge a surprise grand gesture
offered out of the blue, but much harder to appreciate ordinary
behaviour performed routinely in the midst of the daily grind. If you
wait for your partner to do something special before showing your
appreciation, you’ll be missing a major opportunity to strengthen your
connection and deepen your love. Meaningful, life-changing appreciation
begins at the most basic of levels. Today start noticing and thanking
your partner for the tiniest “nothing” acts, for the traits that are a
natural part of his or her character, for the things that you have come
to expect.
Step 3
Be tickled by your differences. You won’t agree on everything, and
thank god for that. Life would be boring beyond measure if everybody
thought and acted just as you did.
It is a waste of energy to spend a single instant trying to change
your partner to think and behave more like you in any way. Delight in
your differences--and remember--there’s a reason they say that variety
is the spice of life.
Step 4
Let your sweetheart teach you. It is very likely that one of the
things that brought you together is the fact that you both have things
to teach each other. From the conscious (she’s a good skier and you want
to get better; he is a master gardener and you’ve always wanted to grow
vegetables in your backyard) to the subconscious (many psychologists say
we are attracted to people who somehow bring our unresolved childhood
issues to the surface), chances are your partner has much to show you
about yourself and the world. What can you learn from your lover today?
Step 5
Make sex a priority. Sex connects in a way that no amount of talking,
cuddling or dating can. If you allow the sex to dwindle, you give a
message to your partner that you aren’t interested in connecting in this
deep way.
Step 6
Ask, “What can I do for you? How can I make our relationship better?”
You don’t have to read your partner’s mind in order for your actions to
have impact. It is a humble act of love to discover your sweetheart’s
secret wants, to listen openly, to surrender your ego, and finally, to
sweetly take action to make your partner happy and improve your
relationship.
Step 7
Say it straight up: “Sweetheart, I appreciate who you are and all
that you do. I appreciate your presence in my life.” |
