Don’t feed the heartbreak monster
  Heartbreak is a very strange
distress. It is exquisitely painful, and yet we cannot find a physical
tangible evidence of an injury to show it. It is like one big emotional
pain that seems to spark off hundreds of other emotions. We hate the
feeling of heartbreak, and yet we find ourselves compelled to go over
and over memories, ideas or fantasies which make it worse. What is going
on? When an important relationship ends, a range of different responses
is triggered.
We feel loss and pain. Our normal ways of thinking about the world
are disrupted. Our balance is upset, and our feelings change from one
minute to the next. We pine for our ex-lover, and then we are
overwhelmed with anger at him or her. One minute we are desperate to see
them, the next we can’t bear to have anyone mention their name. This
volatility and confusion add to the misery.
Heartbreak is caused by the end of a relationship. It can also be
caused when we fail to be in a relationship we fervently desire. It can
even happen slowly when we realize that we are in a relationship from
which all the love has gone. However it happens, after the shock, it
takes some time for reality to sink in. Then we experience a welter of
feelings. We can be angry, sad, devastated, despairing, distraught,
desperate, remorseful, regretful, ashamed and embarrassed.
The emotional bombardment is overwhelming. In the long run, we have a
natural way of dealing with these feelings. We have an emotional
mechanism that allows us to recover from losses and from pain. If we
didn’t have it, the whole world would be in mourning forever!
Bereavement, parting and suffering are unavoidable parts of our lives.
The natural way we recover is by grieving. Sometimes it is easier to
recover from being widowed than it is to recover from getting dumped.
When someone we love dies, the world changes forever, but his love or
her love would never be questioned. It is going to be an extremely
painful loss, but an absolute one.
 In the case of a lost love, your mind plays tricks on you. You start
catching glimpses of your ‘Ex’ in public everywhere! A familiar song
triggers another flood of tears. You feel that nothing will ever fill
the void left by the person you’ve spent so much of your life and
emotions on. You try to distract yourself with activities and friends,
but it’s futile.
The more you try to forget, the more you remember. You feel like a
“half a person” and you wonder if you’ll ever be “whole” again.
Sometimes, for no apparent reason, grief strikes totally at random.
After each wave of tearful convulsions, instead of feeling free, you
feel more exhausted and forlorn. Other people keep saying that “time
will heal your wounds” and that you’ll find someone else. But while in
the depths of heartbreak, none of those advice are comforting. You
appreciate your family, friends’ kind sympathies, but let’s face it,
when you’re experiencing heartbreak, their advice - no matter how sound,
seem like a drop of ineffective medicine in the ocean of sadness.
Sometime ago I read this saying “You Can’t Be “In Love” Unless YOU
Love!” Think of it. It is the person doing the loving that experiences
the feelings of being “in love.” If you don’t think of a person in a
loving way, you don’t get the feelings of being “in love.” Believe it or
not the total control over it is in our own hands. It’s you, not anybody
else that feeds the heartbreak monster.
- Anuki
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