It’s easier to forgive than to forget
We have heard the phrase,
‘Forgive and forget’ many a time but the truth is that unless you are
capable of forgetting you can never really forgive. Forgiveness is the
act of excusing someone for their offense but unless you are also
willing to forget their wrongdoings you cannot truly forgiving them.
Refusing to forget an offence against you results in a lingering grudge,
although you say that you have forgiven them.
Understand your own feelings
 True forgiveness involves both forgiving and forgetting and this can
be achieved by understanding your own feelings as well as those of the
person who wronged you, expressing your feelings in a rational manner,
realizing that your relationship is more important than being right and
finally accepting your partner’s apology.
You may have been wronged in a situation and your feelings of anger
may be completely justified but it’s important to truly understand your
feelings in order to forgive and forget. It is imperative that you
realize that the actions of the other person may have hurt you or made
you angry but that reacting in a hostile manner as a result is not
beneficial to your relationship.
Contemplate on emotions
While your feelings of hurt and anger may be justified, taking the
time to work through these emotions before offering forgiveness will
help you to forget your partner’s words or actions. If you rush to offer
forgiveness before you have had the opportunity to vent your own
frustrations it will be difficult for you to forget your partner’s
wrongdoing. You also need to understand the feelings of the person who
offended you. Understanding your own emotions as well as your partner’s
will help you to really forgive and forget.
Give it time, don’t be emotional
Dealing with your own emotions in a calm and rational manner is also
crucial to forgiving and forgetting. Your partner may be wrong and your
anger may be completely justified but it’s important that you do not get
carried away by emotions. Acting and speaking out of anger can elevate
the tension in the situation and deter the forgiveness process.
Give yourself a little time to manage your own feelings and collect
your thoughts so that when you approach your partner you are able to
speak about your feelings in a rational manner.
It’s best to wait until both you and your partner are ready to speak
about the conflict in a calm and rational manner. If you are truly
interested in forgiving and forgetting, wait until both parties have
calmed down to ensure that neither one speaks out of anger and destroys
the chance of true forgiveness.
Let them explain
It is important to speak to your partner about why they committed the
offence against you. It is not fair by them to make assumptions about
why they acted the way they did.
Giving them the chance to express their side of the story will give
you a better understanding of why they acted the way they did. You may
learn that everything was a misunderstanding or that you were not hurt
intentionally. Allowing the other person a chance to offer their take on
the situation will enable you to see their motives.
Compromise
 A crucial aspect of forgiving and forgetting is valuing your
relationship more than you value being right. While you may be
completely right in a situation, being right is not worth destroying the
relationship.
If you are able to put the love for your partner ahead of the
conviction of being right you will be more willing to forgive and
forget. Working through conflicts makes a relationship stronger.
Accept apology
Finally you can never really forgive and forget unless you are truly
willing to accept your partner’s apology. Harbouring feelings that the
apology isn’t genuine will damage the relationship because you will
never forget their offending actions.
Listen sincerely to your partner’s apology and have faith in them
that their apology is heartfelt and genuine.
Then let them know that you accept their apology and are willing to
not let this situation interfere with your future interactions.
True forgiveness involves not only excusing the wrongdoing but
effectively forgetting it as well.
You can not truly forgive someone if you don’t also agree to forget
the offence. Refusing to forget indicates a lack of trust in your
partner to not repeat the offence. Deciding to forgive and forget is a
personal matter; these are only a few suggestions for you to work on.
- Anuki
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