Dear Erica
Dear Erica,
I am a 26 year old guy doing a meagre job with an average income. I
have been in a relationship for the past 6 months. Before meeting me, my
girlfriend was previously in a relationship for 3 years. Recently when I
went to her place, I saw a few expensive gifts given by this ex to her
when they were together.
 I later learned that he is more successful than I. I felt very
inferior and inadequate after hearing this. My girl never gave me any
reason to think that she is not happy with how much I earn. I know she
loves me a lot and she never mentions anything regarding my job or
status but I can’t get over my feeling of inferiority. What can I do
about this? Please help me.
- Insecure boyfriend
Dear Insecure boyfriend,
The ex factor is often a big issue for couples who are on the way to
a committed relationship which is sometimes considered as a threat to
the security of the relationship if not dealt with in an appropriate
way. On the other hand, it’s very normal for you to feel the kind of
insecurity you’re feeling right now. But it’s not healthy for the
relationship if you’re going to compare yourself with your partner’s ex.
According to what you say, though your girlfriend still keeps the
expensive gifts from her ex, hopefully (based on what you’ve written)
she has moved on, which is important and favourable for your
relationship.
You’re still 6 months into the relationship and there will be many
issues that you might come across, so don’t let the ex files ruin
something beautiful that you’ve started building. After all expensive
gifts don’t measure up to what you feel for each other. On and off, you
will have feelings of insecurity and inferiority but don’t let them
spread or endanger your relationship. Be positive and confident about
the way you feel about her as well as yourself.
Dear Erica,
How should I deal with a colleague who takes advantage of my
generosity? This girl, who works with me, often asks me to lend her
money. I don’t have a problem because they are only small amounts but I
don’t earn that much. Though she says she will pay me back, she
conveniently forgets to do so. How should I politely refuse her? I don’t
know how to tackle this.
- Loaner
Dear Loaner,
Having money dealings with friends/colleagues or even family do ruin
friendships sometimes if it just gets out of hand. In the long run, it
may even become a matter of annoyance and frustration. Anyway, it’s also
perfectly alright for one to draw the line and say ‘No’ at one point. I
know that this is a tough proposition to make but you have to make it
clear to your colleague that you’re not in a position to lend more
money! You can make it clear to her by saying something like ‘I wish I
can help you but I don’t have it right now’ or tell her that you’re
‘saving up for something’. Keep refusing and always include a positive
note with it. Your colleague will get the message. On the other hand, if
she really has money problems and finds it hard for small cash or saving
up, you can help your friend find a solutions or tell her how to save up
some small cash from her salary.
 Dear Erica,
I’m a 17 years old girl who on the weighty side and this affects me a
lot. When I go out with my friends, who are blessed with a good figure,
they are comfortable with themselves. There have been instances when I
avoid parties and outings with my friends and family just because I feel
so fat. I exercise, diet and even starve myself but nothing seems to
work out. All I hear is people advising to me ‘lose weight’. I feel very
uncomfortable and discouraged. Please advise.
- Upset
Dear Upset,
I know it’s hard for you and that your weight issue must be affecting
you a lot. First of all, talk to your parents and ask them to get you
checked by a personal physician/ dietician / fitness trainer and discuss
your issue with them on exercising, healthy eating and a healthy
lifestyle. Don’t give up on following their instructions and please
remember not to expect magic solutions. Please don’t follow dangerous
fads such as starvation diets that may cause harm to your health but
think of eating healthily. You won’t see a change if you get discouraged
and give up easily. Be realistic about your weight loss expectations and
ignore what others think about your weight. Make it a point to be
patient and stay focused until the results begin to show.
You’re just 17 and you shouldn’t ever give up your social life or
interests by feeling depressed over your weight. There are plenty of
teenagers who go through the same problem as you. While you’re feeling
low about your weight, others might have problems about being too
skinny, having acne and other adolescent worries.
As much as you’re concerned about your outer appearance, you have to
know that your personality too plays a major role in your life. Always
have a broad smile on your face, walk, and talk and feel confidently.
Find yourself activities that energize your physical as well as mental
health, so that you won’t have time to think about your weight issue.
Good luck!
Dear Erica,
I’m 19 years old. I used to work at a reputed advertising agency and
got myself sort of ‘fired’ at the end of my probation. The reasons were
that I was not suitable for the post and that it was simply a mismatch
and that my performance had nothing to do with it. Anyway, this
experience with my very first job made me feel very uncomfortable and
less confident about myself. I’m back again hunting for a job and fear
the same might happen again. What can I do? Please help.
- Mismatched
Dear Mismatched,
I know how hard it is to go through a situation like yours. At most
points in our lives, every one of us have gone through really bad
interviews and had mismatched jobs we didn’t like but this is not
something that you need to worry about since you’re not the only one to
go through it. Since you’re young, you’re still deciding for yourself
about what you want to do.
Regretting your decisions and fearing the future is not going to help
you move forward. First, let go of the experience you had, now you’ve
learned your lesson that the job will not fit you or that you’re not
ready for such a job.
Then, analyze your skills and apply for vacancies that match your
skills and capacity. Don’t look for vacancies just because they are ‘in
vouge’ or just because it’s at a reputed organization if that’s not what
you want or it doesn’t fit you. Look for a postion where you can develop
and learn and gradually you will be able to find your way towards a
rewarding career. At the same time, you have to decide the field of
study, concentrate on it and follow a course in it, which will keep you
occupied and add to your career enhancement. All the best!
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