Caring for the elderly

by Nadira GUNATILLEKE

According to the Social Services and Social Welfare Ministry statistics, the older population in Sri Lanka will grow up to 25 percent of the total population by 2025. At present our older population represents around 10 percent of the total population. Around 52 percent of the world’s older population live in the Asia Pacific Region and it is expected that this figure would increase up to 59 percent by 2025.

The demand for elders’ homes is also increasing rapidly despite the traditional Sri Lankan culture for caring for the elders. This situation is a golden opportunity for NGOs to mushroom all over the country in the name of `elder care’. According to some media reports, some of these NGOs run `hell holes’ in the name of `elders’ homes’ but show the world that they keep elders in paradise !

Those organisations merely make money in the name of `elder care’ but treat them as animals. These incidents rarely come to light through the media and vanish before focusing public attention and the relevant authorities due to some `invisible powers’. It is like promoting terrorism in the name of social welfare activities!

The `Mathata Thitha’ and similar programs have already made a significant positive impact on the Sri Lankan society. It has already provided relief for suffering wives and innocent children.

This progress should continue without interruption. Different views have been expressed by professionals, sociologists and the public about declining social ethics but adequate causes have not been disclosed for this rapid declining of social ethics and values.

Here are some unnoticed reasons for this situation.

According to the Sri Lanka’s traditional culture, male children especially the youngest son inherits the ancestral home and other properties while female children are given a dowry in marriage.

Most of the time it is money, jewellery, household items or any other property. Her husband/in laws use the dowry according to their own will.

Of late this situation has changed somewhat with the improvement of the literacy rate, living standards and globalisation but still that tradition is in practice. After marriage the daughters do not get adequate opportunity to provide accommodation for their elderly parents when required, because they lack authority and financial independence. The parents also hesitate to go to their daughters’ places under this condition because of their sons-in-law’s negative attitudes. On this condition most of the elderly parents seek shelter of an elders’ home.

In most of the South Asian countries, especially in India and Sri Lanka, preferences are given to the sons of the family in providing food, clothing, education, love and care and independence to grow up as individuals. They do not experience much hardship or grief in life and don’t feel pain and sorrow experienced by others. The daughters do not take notice of this seriously when they are living with their parents, but how can we be certain that it does not affect them psychologically?

It is a common fact that some parents have “favourites” among their children. More sons become favourites than daughters. They get more attention, love and care while others receive less attention, especially when decisions are being made.

On reaching old age some parents prefer to live with their favourites but at this point their spouses do not like it.

Without having any other option, parents turn to the other children but they do not have strong feelings for their parents due to the lack of attachment.

Unfortunately by the time it is too late to build up a close bond with the children ! These are the real facts that exist behind closed doors in Sri Lanka.

Although some parents wish to have more children, they do not have sufficient resources to raise them up. So the children somehow manage to grow up (if they are not thrown into the Kalu Ganga!), but sometimes they would not take care of their parents because they were denied parental care during their childhood.

It is very pathetic to see how some rich parents try their best to keep their children away from themselves! When they become adults, these children walk away from their parents like western youngsters.

Most of the time many talk about the faults of the children and irresponsible authorities who should take care of elders, but elders too have a responsibility towards their own wellbeing. Adults have to set a good example to their children by taking care of their aged parents (grand parents of the children).

Nothing else but the strong and unbreakable parent-child bond would take care of our fast growing older population.