Agni Chakra (The circles of fire)- Chapter 01
By Kathleen JAYAWARDENE
Translated by Ranga Chandrarathne and Edited
by Indeewara Thilakarathne
Whenever I thought of getting married, I experienced a mild anxiety.
I did not doubt much about that the marriage should be the fruit of love
or should be a sacred place. I have neither knowledge nor feeling about
it. If I say it in clear terms, marriage for me is a mere contract in
life.
When I think of women, what comes to my mind often is the idiom of
"stone and flower".
The stones around a bed of roses in the courtyard can be seen in the
evening similar to the way they were in the morning. Even tomorrow, it
would remain at the same place. However, the roses bloomed in the plant
with branches spreading amidst the cluster of stones, would radiantly
glitter only in the morning.
By the evening the petals would fade and fall around. Stone is
static: rose is ephemeral. Wouldn't we love the changing nature of the
rose more than the static nature of the stone?
However, I could not sense in which manner Shantha had directed me
towards marriage. When I kept on thinking about it, I realised the
wonder of mind being enticed by what it tried to evade. When I first met
her, I felt that Shantha was a woman who belonged to the past. However,
it didn't mean that I saw in her an archaeological value. I could
remember that Shantha's self was closer to the images that I had in mind
similar to those of Juliet or Portia when I read (not watching) the
texts of "Merchant of Venice" and "Romeo and Juliet". I felt meeting her
as dipping into a river that I have never plunged into before. She spoke
with me of poetry, art and books as she knew a lot about them. It seemed
to me that she was extremely fond of studying philosophical subjects.
Was it because personal problems were covered up when I discussed on
these fields with her? I was constantly attempted to convey her clues of
my limitations. But she didn't react to them positively.
Once I gave her Khalil Gibran's "The Prophet". My intention would
have been to open up her eyes to Khalil Gibran's emphasis on not fill up
the mind with feelings for moral rectitude and "giving up" not
entertaining hope for "gains". For her, I turned the page where the
answer of Al Mustapha to Al Mithra about marriage was mentioned.
On Marriage Let there be spaces in your togetherness.
Let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another, but
make not bond of love.
And stand together yet not too near together: As of pillars of the
temple stand apart
"How beautiful it is !" Shantha who read it said drawing closer to
me. But it seemed that she had not digested the gist of it.
The other factor which prompted me for a hasty marriage with Shantha
was Swarna. Though I had no consent about marriage with Swarna who was a
mother of a child, there were signs of her becoming a nuisance. The
situation became worse since the sudden death of her husband who worked
at the Department of Survey as a clerk.
I had never divulged my secrets to anyone. I did never believe in a
trust-worthy person. I associated friends at arms-length. But Prof.
Ratnaweera of the Department of Philosophy, who joined the University
during the same period as I , somehow or other had learnt about Swarna.
"Siri, you are going fall into a great trouble," he warned me.
"Though you can easily slip away from a teenage girl, it is not easy
to evade a mature woman!"
Though I had no habit of either listening to advice or accepting
them, I felt I could not ignore Ratnaweera's advice. I also knew that
Swarna was not the type of a woman, who easily retracts. I decided to
discuss the matter with her and to bid her a good-hearted farewell.
Though all these did influence my marriage, the prominent factor was
Shantha's genuineness.
Meeting Shantha prompted me to write a note in my diary indicating
that "it is startling that there is a sense of the aroma of genuineness
among men who become the fake clients of both false values of capitalist
society". Two clear paths were opened before me: that was either to
marry her or to give her up. I asked myself whether I had the "courage
to put down the gem that I took onto the hand and to run away." I felt
that I could not and should not carry on an affair without marrying her.
I don't think that my marriage to Shantha is a coincidence. But if I
spell out the reasons that prompted me to a marriage life, they could be
categorised as follows:
I did not own any capital. Therefore, I had thousands of plans that
could put into action if I had capital forming and reflecting in my
mind. Among them, there were personal as well as social activities. As
far as I could see, there was no institution or person to give me
financial aid other than giving me a hand in the form of labour. Though
I earned a salary which was sufficient for a month without any
hardships, it was not enough for anything beyond that. I was waiting for
a long time to commence a study programme on drama for my students.
When I saw Shantha's residence on Sunshine road at a glance I thought
it was tailor-made for that course. I could hardly imagine how such a
land of quarter acre with regular birds' chirping, and covered with lush
green trees be hidden in a semi-desert urban area like Dehiwala. I had
heard a little about Shantha's bank accounts being the only child of her
family. I had no intention of possessing them shrewdly. I wanted to walk
with her to the world of blooms I dreamt of. I thought that there was
nothing wrong at all, in using the resources to pluck the flower of
pinnacle in the paradise. Shantha had no brothers. She only had
permanent transaction with her mother who was a widow. Shantha told me
that she had not kept much company with maternal or paternal relatives.
I did not think I was concerned about her pronouncements as an
opportunist. I knew clearly that she loved me and had considered it as a
pleasure to make sacrifice of any nature for my wants and needs.
On the other hand, company of women was not a strange act for me.
However, Shantha was different to many others. I considered her a girl
rather than a woman on account of her age and other social factors. To a
greater extent, it was correct to say, that I experienced, for the first
time, the tenderness of flower and enchanting fragrance from her.
However, I think the basic foundation for the marriage between Shantha
and me were my skills in poetry. For, she began to love me with a
poetry-loving heart. To make Shantha's mother agree to a simple wedding
following only rituals, was a great consolation for me. I did not
hesitate as I thought earlier when the big book placed before me for the
registration of the marriage I placed the usual signature on it:
A need arose for the first time for me to reconsider my signature as
lady registrar of marriage glanced at me. Though she looked at me in
that manner might not be with suspicion, I felt an uncertain sense of
guilt. "S..a..d..d..a..m..a.n..g..a..l..a S..i..r..i..n..i..v..a..s..a".
I think, for the first time I realised that not a single of these
letters contained in my signature. Did I want to hide even the letters
of the signature like all other things about me?
It was a bit hilarious for me to learn that the major factor that
influenced Shantha's mother to give her consent to our marriage was the
fact that I was a non-alcoholic. However, it was not pleasant when she
kept on insisting the details of my parents and relations. But gradually
those question papers became died down as Shantha was sensitive to them.
Her mother's firm faith in her and motherly love towards Shantha always
acted for my benefit.
It was her harmonium that created a pleasant feeling towards
Shantha's mother which I never had before. She, who was a retired
teacher, played beautiful melodies. When I visited Shantha's residence
on Sunshine road for the first time, she was playing Sunil Shantha's
melody; "Suvanda Rosa Mal Nela...". Instantly, I was enticed to the
beautiful melody mingled with the chirpings of the birds that flew among
the trees in the garden. For a moment, I was stunned and waited without
pressing the electric bell. Suddenly a meditative bliss which I had
never experienced before emerged but faded away as a bubble of water
that pops up and bursts away instantly.
I have not had a similar experience or such a feeling before or
after.Thereafter, I was compelled to study astrology to some degree. I
considered it as mathematics of strange nature that drew me towards a
new territory. However, according to the fake copy of my horoscope, the
age gap between Shantha and me confined to fifteen years. Subsequently,
I thought why I did such an acrobatic act to permit only five years of
my age to be reduced.
After a long time, I thought that we would be plunged into such a
despicable position due to a lie that we were compelled to utter in
response to a certain reaction just to salvage the self.
[Correction]
In the previous issue montage published on April 25, we cited
extracts from various critics evaluating "Agni Chakra", but printed an
incorrect version of an extract from Dr Saliya Kularathne. We regret for
the oversight and would like to provide a correct version as follows:
Amongst novels, Agnichakra-Circles of Fire, portrays only the mere
façade of empirical logic and societal experience that supplement one’s
extroversion and epistemological aspects. This culminates with a
culpable tragedy, encompassing the novel with a certain pessimism.
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