Dear Erica
Dear Erica,
I’m a 29 year-old, in a relationship which is at its preliminary
stages. My girlfriend is a nice girl and I love her very much. The
problem is she has had a difficult past and I want her to let go of the
skeletons in her closet and start a new life with me.
I tried my best to understand, advise and support her but sometimes
we have minor arguments which makes us both unhappy. I feel that she
does not love or care about me the same way as I do. Even though she has
had some bad experiences, I want to make her happy. How can I help her
get out of her past and be happy with me?
- Concerned
Dear Concerned,
It will definitely take a while before your girlfriend can
accommodate you totally in her life, since she’s going through the
process of healing herself from her past experiences.
This means that she will be slow to understand and return your
feelings. Everything depends on how her experiences have shaped the way
she see things and as to what extent she has been hurt.
I understand that sometimes you can be disappointed when there are
continuous arguments and differences clashing between each other. After
all, you’re at the initial stages of this relationship and you will
expect a more relaxing and happy environment than having to deal with
your girlfriend’s past by advising and understanding her.
You should take things easy; I believe that it will take time for
your girlfriend to heal and sort herself out before taking this
relationship further. You should support and be patient with her.
Move her away from things that can make her uneasy, avoid any
conversations which might lead to her past or anything related to that.
Encourage her to do things that interest her.
Be a good listener and don’t be judgemental or too hard on her no
matter how hard things can be. If your love is strong enough, I’m sure
she will soon overcome all her reservations and love you the way you
want her to do so. Be positive!
Dear Erica,
I’m 25 years-old and I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend
for the past three years. She was recently diagnosed with leukaemia.
Doctors have said that she will only live for a short time. I love her
very much and we have a good understanding between us.
Actually, my love for her intensified after her diagnosis. Though our
life together will be a short one, I would like to marry her and live a
happy life with her. I know it will be memorable and that is the only
thing I can give her before she leaves me. My parents are totally
against this and wants me to give up my affair. Sometimes I get confused
and don’t know what I should do. Please help me.
- Love Hurts
Dear Love Hurts,
It’s upsetting to hear about your girlfriend and at the same time I
appreciate the fact that you still hold strong to the love that you have
for her and want to make her last days a happy one.
A marriage between you will be of a noble kind and at the same time,
a challenge as well. In most cases, a scenario like will cause parental
disapproval as they are concerned for you. They fear that you will get
hurt, frustrated and will find it difficult to move on. Don’t argue with
your parents. If your wishes are genuine and strong you can try to
convince them. Listen to your heart and carefully think of the risks.
You have to make up your mind on what you’re going to do and be
prepared to face the worst if it happens. Your girlfriends mental well-
being is very important at this point of her life and don’t make things
harder for both of you. Things can get harder than you think and there
can be times that you may feel weak to handle certain things.
Even though marriage will not be the only solution in this case, you
can still be with her and support her and have some happy times
together. After all, it’s the ‘moments in life that counts not the
minutes’. Make it worthwhile! |
