Circles of Fire

Agni Chakra

 Agni Chakra - (Chapter 15)

By Kantheen Jayawardene

Translated by Ranga Chandrarathne and Edited by Indeewara Thilakarathne

I recall a saying that there is nothing wrong in dancing with a woman as long as no harm is done to her and there is nothing wrong in having sex as rabbits and that such rabbits are better than men with hatred and suffering from distress. That saying is in D.H Lawrence's novel 'Lady Chatterley's love'. How true is it! Has any harm been done to the innocence of the rabbits because of this privilege granted to them by nature?

Piyumika, covering her knees with a denim skirt, restlessly looked at the revolving fan. Had I switched on the fan because the air conditioner did not cool the room?

"Sir, I'm scared."

"Why?"

"If madam comes again."

"No, I saw her getting onto the tuck tuck" ???

Everything happened very fast leaving no room for thinking. After five minutes, the intercom rang as if signaling danger.

"Sir, a madam has arrived here ….and asking for you…"

"Did you say that I am here? "

"No..! Sir…We won't say so…!"

Quickly I came down to the balcony like a robot. When I covered myself under the blooming bush of bougainvillea, I saw Shantha walking across the hotel lawn. Though I was stunned, I stood calm. She came combing her disheveled hair with her hand and her Sari virtually touching the tender grass in the lawn. Perhaps, I would have been reminded of a rabbit as I saw the carpet of tender grass.

"Sir…I'm scared…"

"We we'll see!"

Piyumika was applying skin-cream which she had retrieved from her handbag, on her hands. I sat on the chair waiting for her to dress up and was wondering why I had come with her. Had I a real desire or want to have such an affaire with Piyumika? Had she possessed charming features other than her ivory legs which exposed from time to time through a long cut in her denim skirt? Earlier, the beauty of a woman was measured only on account of her attractive face but that attitude has considerably been changed now. Though without beautiful faces, not so attractive women were beautified with creams and massages and presented as objects of desire and traders had created new system of values by exploiting voyeuristic elements in men.

Though Piyumika tried to climb down the steps, I searched for the lift as I was tired. Was this physical condition which I felt stronger since a couple of days, a signal of my decaying? How hard I tried to get rid of this? How hard I searched for a medicinal-stimulant to rejuvenate my waning body and mind? In short, was it not this alarm that prompted me to come on this journey with Piyumika?

I was shocked when I recalled the mad nature of Shantha who walked quickly across the hotel lawn. For, I had never seen her behaving in that manner. I knew, since a couple of days, she had been touching on certain aspects of spiritual life. Has she discovered the correlation between sexuality and spirituality? Some philosophers describe sexuality as a vehicle to climb onto the upper plains of spiritual life. Thantra Yana points out that 'name' and 'form' are mirrors of the universe.

Though I still have kind feelings towards Shantha, she has very little ability to satisfy me. Is there a person guilty of or responsible for this situation? Is it because of this that I often recall D.H. Lawrence these days? How attractive is it his view 'My great religion is the belief in the blood'? How pathetic is the absence of people who cannot consciously understand D.H Lawrence's saying 'To live completely and beautifully is the greatest victory that animals as well as men can achieve'?

Shantha had many criticisms of Lawrence's literary applications. She says Lawrence deliberately brings up sexuality in his works. But he has stressed that 'The essential task of all arts is to develop morality'. With what widely meaning he would have said that?

I was shocked to see my vehicle parked near a bush. Shantha definitely would have seen it. What am I to do now? Does Shantha know my romantic feelings turning into unromantic ones followed by utter dejection after spending half a day or an hour with any woman, let alone with Piyumika? When does she realised it?

I thought was it not Shantha, the only woman I still liked while watching the gradually disappearing Piyumika's behind. After every such farewell, I left with a little bit of awe and respect towards Shantha. The feeling of contempt towards women which is rooted in me is least towards Shantha. She has a character different to those of most men and women.

Therefore, I do not like to betray her. But my unruly mind and decaying body would not allow any room for that. It was my male chauvinism which did not allow me to explain this to her. It was because of the firm belief that 'masculinity is superior to femininity and that commanding power is vested with man' which I inherited from the 'male hegemony'.

I did not quite understand why I had turned the vehicle towards Galle Face. I passed hundreds of vehicles packed park driving in the direction of the lighthouse.

The kites in the shapes of cobra, bat and birds were drifting aimlessly in the sky. I was reminded of a writer who compared life to a kite which drifted with the direction of the wind.

I felt that hundreds of vehicles parked before me challenged that simile. Was it the very destiny of men and women which caused the socio-political turbulence in the past three decades? It was only those landed gentry who owned these vehicles two or three decades ago and not these upstarts? I turned right near hotel Galadari and turned onto Regal roundabout and onto Chittampalam Gardiner Mawatha.

On seeing the gigantic bill-board of the cinema on the right, I thought of watching the film. Quickly that thought vanished off realising that I was not in a good state of mind for such an entertainment. I experienced that my leg which pressed down the accelerator, becoming weak. Since a couple of days, I felt an unusual weight in the body. I fell asleep after the midnight and got up with a feeling of fatigue.

I felt my entire body aching. I was afraid of joints being disjointed. Once the pain which began on the knee and ran down the leg, was now spreading through toes. A strange sense of fear spread all over my body at thought of decaying. Am I on the verge of dying?

Women, men and children were enjoying chicken at the Macdonald branch in Union Place. Suddenly I saw Shantha on the side mirror. I saw that she on the rear seat. Though I made it out as a hallucination, I reminded her over and over again.

The degree of my greediness for chicken had been lessened by several folds due to Shantha's views on a Cheetah tiring off a deer in the midst of a beautiful forest in a programme on the Discovery Channel. I still believed that her views were aimed at me as I liked meat very much.

"We would be disgusted at Cheetah eating a deer but aren't we doing the same with a beautiful plate and pork and spoon? "

Foot note

Chittampalam Gardiner Mawatha- A road in the city of Colombo.

Thantra Yana- A decadent school of popular Buddhism