Agni Chakra

(Chapter 16)

(Circles of Fire)

By Kathleen JAYAWARDENA

Translated by Ranga Chandrarathne and Edited

by Indeewara Thilakarathne

It is only after the discussion with Parvati Muller and reading her pamphlets and booklets that I realised how feeble woman is under the overarching and aggressive male dominance. She says in marriage, a woman will only have a master and not a partner. Based on the old statistics of the International Labour Organization cited in her pamphlets, though men do in only thirty three percent of the total workload of the world, they control ninety nine percent of the property globally. Now, she tells me like in any other area, the male is also aggressive in sexuality. She explains 'male hegemony' has also been spreading under the globalisation. Reading a research by ICRW or International Centre for Research on Women, I felt many rapes have taken place within the 'institute of family'.

"The majority doesn't know what 'male hegemony' is? Have these leaflets clearly defined the term?" I asked her as I recalled diverse aspects of it as well as intermediary stages.

"Commanding is a feature of 'male hegemony' ", Parvati says.

"Professor knows it well!"

For a moment, I engross in my reflections. Isn't the 'male hegemony' alien to me? How practical is it to put each and every male into the same mould? But I have to admit, in general, that most women are inactive. Perhaps, biological function of hormones would have caused it. Parvati says it has no physical basis and a study has found that it is entirely based on the socialisation process.

A social activist in New Delhi had once asked a poor woman: "Have you, even for once, initiated sex with your husband". She had questioned him back: "Has a piece of bread ever asked it to be eaten?" This story, as reported as a true incident caused doubt in me. Could a poor woman in a slum in New Delhi capable of giving such a marvellous answer? On the other hand, one who presents his or her ideas clearly and unambiguously isn't like that woman?

I met Parvati who was an activist in a women's organisation, for the first time, at a conference held in Canada. We stayed at the same hotel and often had breakfast together. When we were in the lobby, she discussed on globalisation and feminism in detail. In lucid English she explained 'male hegemony' has been assuming different colours in globalised market, depending on the degree of social action between men and women, by multinational companies, businessmen and politicians allied to them. It was from her that I learnt that the word 'lesbian' derived from a course of study on lesbianism conducted by a seventh century Greek female poet who lived in the island of Lesbos.

Though Parvati tried to engage in a discussion with Shantha who brought her a glass of Coca-Cola, I was happy that it lasted only for a couple of minutes. Though Shantha expressed her views on harassment of women and male dominance, she had no faith in the activities of women's organisations. On the other hand, she would not have been much pleased with Parvati's see-through blouse. Shantha had so many seeds that could not be finished off by sowing in a field of culture.

Once again, I experienced a pain in the underbelly. It could have been gastritis caused by acidity in the stomach or intestines. But I have heard that in such a condition, the pain would be confined to the upper part of the stomach. I thought I should consult a physician tomorrow or day after. Is it because of craving for life that I am reluctant to consult a specialist and to undergo medical tests? However, I should meet a consultant physician alone. In my view, it is better if there isn't anybody I know around when I have to undergo a medical examination. For, I don't want to reveal to anyone that I am suffering from a terrible illness. One day one of my physician friends said that piles may be caused due to old age. As per his advice, I used to sit in a bath tub filled with hot salty water. Though I could easily use the bathroom adjacent to the bedroom, I used the desolate guest bathroom for privacy. I was reluctant to inform Shantha of my condition because of her unwanted interests in probing into my condition. However, I like to keep my ageing process to myself.

I told Parvati Muller that I could allocate some space in the Gimhana Asapuwa for the activities of the women's organisation. With a dazzling smile she shook my hand and thanked me profusely. When she said that she could make an advance payment for two or three years, I remained silent thinking of the amount of money I had to pay for Prabudda's education.

I bid farewell to Parvati and retired to the bedroom and lay on the bed in a relaxed mood. I hear Parvati's vehicle leaving. Though it was past noon, I did not feel hungry. During the last few days, I felt rather dry mouth and lips. Is it due to my ageing body and now I have a low appetite?

"Saddha..."

I looked at Shantha leaning against the door frame without portraying her weak eyes.

"There is no news from the son for a couple of days....? Will you send him an e-mail....? "

"At this time, he is not available ..." I said looking at my wrist watch.

"He would be online after an hour; I will send an email a litter later."

Is it because she wanted to say something that Shantha sat on the bed? Or else is she still feeling hungry? I could remember, at a time, habit she practised as a ritual. She waited to have dinner with me even in late evening. Sometimes when I had early dinner before going home, she waited for me as a habit without having her meals alone. Often I told her to give up this useless habit.

"Don't do this again!" once I said with an angry tone.

"There is no rule that a man far away from home experiencing hunger must return home for meals. Can he endure hunger for a long period? At such times, he must have meals anywhere." I said with an undertone. Shantha remained silent. The next day, when I came home, she had had her dinner. Despite my dictatorial and radical command, I was hurt a little as she had given up the habit for waiting for my arrival to have dinner.

"Make some lunu miris", I told Shantha. I thought it was better if I could have a meal of steaming rice with lunu miris.

"Why, do you have a stomach ache?"

"Trouble with digestion! It will be okay."

For the last few days I experienced problems with my digestive system. The digestion was not smooth and regular as it used to be. As this continued, I thought that it was caused by food poisoning.

"I don't know whether it was the chicken that I ate last night?"

Shantha reminded me about the chicken she brought for me after a shopping spree with Sobana. Shantha had to kill time with Sobana, a second year university student, in Majestic City and returned home late in the evening with dinner. Shantha is still concerned about my food habits.

But....?

Was that chicken spoiled? No, it must be my bad appetite. Yesterday I did not experience the same exquisite taste that I usually experience when I have French fries with sauce. Now, I get a disgusting feeling when I think of it. What had really happened to me? Were these delicacies not enough to stimulate my gastronomic organs? Or else am I allergic to them or is it simply over consumption?

I could remember mother having a meal of Heel bath with Kochchi Sambol and munching a Kochchi pod. She would place the pod on the edge of her jaw and would munch it cautiously. Did she taste Kochchi Miris until her eyes turned red to enjoy suffering? Has each and every person such a desire to hurt themselves? Is ecstasy emerging from oppression? I thought that a man's tongue is longing for the same tastes that he experienced in childhood.

Today, the sun is very hot. So I experience an unbearable heat. I turned on the air conditioner. I find it difficult to close the glass door as I had stiffness in my hands. A gecko on the window pane ran away. Its tail was left on the window and was jittering. With repentance, once again I lay on the bed. Have I cut off my past like a tail of a gecko? Is it not the haunting memories of the past that try to raise their ugly heads like a jittering gecko tail?

Footnotes

Lunu miris- A mixture of chilli and salt mixed with lime.

Heel bath- The left over rice from previous evening.

Kochchi Sambol- Kochi is a sharp variety of chilli pods. Kochchi Sambol is a mixture of hot chilli pods with scraped coconut.