Agni Chakra

(Chapter 20)

(Circles of Fire)

By Kathleen Jayawardene

Translated by Ranga Chandrarathne and Edited

by Indeewara Thilakarathne

"You are a rascal!" Samaraweera fumed with anger.

"What was that rubbish you did as 'Convention of the non-convention'? "

I looked around; though there were a few in the College House, there was none within the range of Amaraweera's voice.

"'Convention of the non-convention' is an adaptation and is only a creation", I said hoping that it would calm down Amaraweera. But growing wild anger registered over his face.

"How can we allow you to completely distort history in the name of an adaptation or creations?"

I thought my anger was justifiable from every conceivable perspective. I should no longer be silent.

"Which censor board are you representing?"

Amaraweera held me by the Safari shirt's collar. I felt my entire body became cold and then warmed up with perspiration. What would happen if Prematilake and Jayasinghe did not appear on the spur of the moment?

While forcibly being taken away by Jayasinghe, Ameraweera kept on shouting 'rascal!". For a moment, I was stunned. I could not figure out the offence I committed for him to be furious. I thought that Ameraweera had instigated the attack on the seminar on the book, which was held at the Public Library, with rotten eggs and tomatoes.

"You see the adverse consequences of racism", I asked Prematilake not to prove my innocence; I was happy that I got an opportunity to exhibit the fierce face of racism before the naked eye.

At dusk, I was walking from the room to the vehicle without even secretly looking around. A sense of dejection mixed with anger, despair and shame was engulfing my mind. My eyes were attracted by a familiar voice which overwhelmed the sounds of vehicles plying up and down in Kumaratunga Munidasa Mawatha.

"Sir..Sir...Sir..."

Amritha... I stopped a while. "Is it true that Ameraweera Sir...?"

"Yes", I stopped her.

"You see the face of racism" , thus I expressed the anger .

"Yes.. all 'isms' are the same ..." , Amritha said calmly.

"From Ishvarism, casteism,...brahamism,...capitalism and its anti-thesis Marxism...modernism. Sir...all these are isms. ... even now the real face of democracy has been revealed before our eyes...! "

For a moment I listened to her. Though I did not like to accept all her interpretations based on her speculation, I liked to listen to them. Amritha often came out with novel ideas that were never before heard.

"Why are people quarrelling .... ? Why cannot people treat everyone on equal basis? Look at them with kindness? ", I questioned.

Amritha could not have misgivings against 'kindness' which was a panacea for the ethnic conflict.

"Sir, it is good if you could treat everybody equally..."

"Then, why don't you do so? "

"Sir, the problem is that most of the people who talk about equality and peace, do not practise them"

"Who are those?"

"It is only a person who has achieved the state of Arahat or 'sainthood' who could forgive all! But, aren't the houses of those who talk of peace and devolution of power, have the highest parapet walls and strongest gates? "

I felt it like a slap on my cheeks. I got onto the vehicle without uttering a word and turned the steering wheel searching for a definition of 'peace'.

Peace....?

I have heard that the meaning of the word 'Samadanayaya' is forgivenness. But where does the forgivenness stand? For what is the energy that man has used to overcome the hurdles of nature, now being spent? Is man gathering forces against himself?

Amrita says that it is ironic for someone to try to reap the harvest of peace in an arid land where the seed of peace has not struck roots. She sees a kind heart as the fertile ground on which those seeds can be sawed. Doubts of different sorts arose in me. No peace in me. I tried to recall different sayings on peace. Is it this the situation that a pioneer American peace campaigner referred to as 'There is no way to peace, peace is the way'? "

Socrates has said that we will never realise the 'truth' so long as the body obstructs us (craving for the body). Socrates has further pointed out that it is because the human body which demands sustenance assigns different jobs to man. It further explains that the principal cause of world wars, conflicts, struggles is the body and craving. I thought wasn't his saying "Wars and revolutions and battles are due simply and solely to the body and its desires. All wars are undertaken for the acquisition of wealth; and the reason why we have to acquire wealth is the body, because we are slaves in its service" relevant?

The Bridge Organisation which was born as a result of my project report was also for peace. But have we been able so far to engage in a process of paving the way for peace? Wasn't it hatred and aggressive behaviour that prompted even through posters, banners and demonstrations?

Can we, who could not smile pleasantly within the confines of four walls of our houses, help others to smile? Have we a clear vision of peace?

Craws were gathering on the top of the huge trees in the Viharamahadevi Park. The beggars were about to lie down under the lamp post near Davatagaha Mosque. They were ready to taste the sense emancipation of the darkness. But I was deprived of that consolation. I thought of not even going home before the dusk. What is the happiness that I had derived from such a palatial house?

Was it me at whom Amritha aimed the remark that those who are most vociferous of peace and devolution of power hide themselves behind high walls? How could she who had never stepped into our house or Gimhana Asapuwa see the high walls surrounding us? After a misunderstanding between Sobana and Shantha, I did not admit any female student home.

Has anyone told her about our house or Gimhana Asapuwa? On the other hand, Amritha did not mean that as a hint. I thought whether what she told was true or false? I felt a bit at ease only when I thought that it was not true. I felt worried and uneasy. Once again, my stomach began to ache. I was overwhelmed by endless fatigue. Both mind and the body equally felt that. Every attempt made to reach the core of life had made me confused. Was it the fatigue of life that I felt now? Should I analytically think again of my values and earnings? Shantha often says that what could be bought in the future are what are earned in the present. Then what could be these earnings?

I thought why I could not be satisfied on the moment with any of what I had earned throughout the life. Was the pleasure I derived from the construction of the magnificent house adjacent to Gimhana Asapuwa and from buying luxurious goods and modern vehicles waning? Can happiness and ecstasy be contaminated or rotten?

Wasn't I happier on listening to well wishes and praises of people who looked at luxuries and not used them? Didn't I enjoy even speculating the tears and agonies and hateful remarks of those who falsely appreciated us? Wasn't our happiness in acquiring many things be tainted with such sadistic mentalities?

Suddenly I remembered that I had forgotten my spectacles. Definitely they would have been left in my room. Today I did not go out and stayed in throughout the day. While driving again around the Lipton Circus, I thought Amritha could be a spy. Has her life left time for her to be trained for such secret mission? What does her childish smile convey? Amritha does not possess an aggressive nature irrespective of her disposition and speech. Can it be a trick? The flower Bandura enticed insects by spreading its aesthetic glow. However, I could not forget Amritha's novelty in thinking. It was she who directed my attention to a new area that priests and advisers always tried to show me and yet I could not see. Though I had no interest in the areas Amrita directed me at, I now began to take an interest in analysing them.

Yesterday I went to the Asiri Hospital to meet Dr. Arul Sivasundaram. Unexpectedly I met Amritha while I was in a waiting room there. She was with another girl.

"Sir, this is my elder sister," Amritha introduced her to me.

"We are waiting for Dr.Manawadu. He is a dermatologist. My sister has a rash in the hands and in the neck... ... why are you here Sir?"

"This nasty 'gastritis' is troubling me", I said smiling. I had to lie as Amritha happened to be on the top of the list of persons who should not take me as a patient.

"I did not know that Amritha has an elder sister!" I said the following day.

"Sir, she looks like me ", Amritha said coquettishly.

"Why is it only by appearance?"

"She thinks differently!"

"What's the difference?"

"She is more interested in fashions and styles"

"I thought so!" I smiled

"She had come to the hospital as if on a fashion parade!"

"She should have got this rash due to hand cream, leg creams and moisturizers"

"I don't think so", I said.

For a while she remained silent and then raised her voice looking straight into my face.

"Isn't assigning higher value to unnecessary things that has caused our downfall ..."

I looked at her with surprise. I thought that Amritha, who spoke of a skin disease, had stopped at the wrong place.

"I didn't get it? "

"I understand that this time she has used a Swish cosmetic. The product is good and of higher standard but it suits a skin which is used to cold weather. Indian products suit us though they are a little rough!"

I was sniffing the fragrance of sandalwood always emanating from Amritha.

"Sir, I don't speak good or bad but of suitability. Do we not eat, dress and even build houses without thinking of compatibility?"

At once, I was reminded of Gimhana Asapuwa, my house and the three layers of curtains hanging down from doors and windows. On several previous occasions, I was reminded that the interior designer had used those curtains only on account of their aesthetic effect. But that thought which drifted like a particle of dust never sank into my memory.

I thought that we continued to use the fashions the Westerners used for severe cold weather as we have no alternative.

Does Amritha know everything about me? Is she following me? Has she got such an interest to follow me?

The closed buildings of the university were awe inspiring in the dark.

The environment was isolated except for a vehicle that was plying from time to time. I travelled along the road lined with massive trees, somewhat slowly.

I had not recently seen flowers in these trees which bore flowers some time ago. Why is it?

Are the trees growing old?