How to break the ice

At weddings, funerals and other social gatherings, we come across a lot of strangers. Most of us do not know how to start a conversation with them. Therefore, we need to know something about effective communication or conversational skills.

The first principle in starting a conversation with a stranger is to be open rather than guarded or defensive in our communication.

Psychologists have come up with many suggestions to break the ice. Most of us are good sympathisers. However, to be an effective communicator, you have to learn how to communicate empathy. Unlike sympathy, empathy requires you to adopt another person's frame of mind so that you can understand him better. In other words, you have to get into his shoes to understand his point of view.

Almost all the world religions teach us how to exercise empathy. When you adopt empathy, you become sensitive to the needs of the other person. For instance, you meet a hungry man. If you feel his hunger, you will definitely give him a meal. The trouble is that most of us are desensitised and do not feel the suffering of others.

Judgements

In interpersonal communication we tend to pass judgements all the time. You always think that your point of view is correct and the other person's opinion is wrong. This is a great barrier to interpersonal climate. When you try to be non-judgemental, that will promote an open dialogue. This does not mean that you should accept everything the other person says. Far from it. Even without endorsing the other person's opinion, you can urge him to talk. When people feel let down by your arguments, interpersonal communication breaks down.

Honesty plays a major role in interpersonal communication. We have to be honest with our opinions while appreciating what others say. The moment the other person feels that you are dishonest, he will put an end to the communication. Honesty, however, does not mean that you have to reveal all your secrets to a stranger. Sometimes, truth can hurt others. So, you have to be on guard.

In interpersonal communication both parties should feel equal. Your qualifications, status and skills should not be brought out to make the other person feel inferior. For instance, when talking to a stranger, it is not advisable to tell him that you are a professor or a lawyer. When you do so, he will feel that he is no equal to start a conversation.

Rigid opinions

If you tell someone that you know certain facts better than him, the conversation is bound to fail. In interpersonal communication we have to make the other person understand that you have no rigid opinions.

People generally like to talk to somebody who will listen to them.

Beginning a conversation with a stranger can be a daunting task.

Although some people have the gift of breaking the ice easily, most of us fight shy of doing so. In fact, the act of conversation is based on conversational skills. Some are born with these skills. Others have to learn them.

The golden rule in conversation is that you must give to others what they would like to receive from you. For instance, others expect you to respect and listen to them. This is not something difficult to accomplish.

Most of us have the bad habit of talking about ourselves or blowing our own trumpet! Let the other person know that you are ready to listen to him. By using non-verbal signals, you can impress the other person that you are a genuine listener.

With all this advice you might wonder how to set the ball rolling. One easy way to do this is to find similarities and differences between the two of you. If you belong to the same profession, you will find it easy to break the silence.

Profession

If you cannot find a better way to begin a conversation, simply ask for the stranger's name. Try to find his profession. Be ready to accept even a curt reply. But by then you have broken the ice!

One good way to entice a stranger to a conversation is to ask him for information or advice. A lot of people feel honoured when they are asked to give advice. If you touch the right chord, the stranger will begin to wax eloquent!

At a recent wedding ceremony a middle-aged man asked another invitee whether he knew the principles governing the custody of children when the parents are divorced. The stranger broke the ice by giving the middle-aged man all the details pertaining to the problem. It was only at the end of the conversation that he came to know that the invitee was an eminent lawyer.

Genuine compliments and a little bit of humour will go a long way in keeping the tempo of interpersonal relationships. Once you break the ice, you are sure to forge a new relationship with a stranger.