Love and courtship – a motivating force

By Shireen SENADHIRA

“Why d’you write on Isolation, loneliness and solitude?” “Why shouldn’t I?” “There’s plenty of it in life and it is depressing. Please write on sunnier subjects.” “Here in the tropics, do you need more sun?” “Do write on happy and jolly events so that we can laugh and be happy when reading them.” So said friend Carmen and that is how I decided on this topic. The whole world it is said, loves love stories and everybody loves a lover too.

In history

In the Sri Lankan context, the story of Saliya and Asokamala is the most famous love story in history. Prince Saliya was the only son of King Dutugemunu (161-137 BC), the most powerful and legendary king of Sri Lanka. Prince Saliya was the heir to the throne of the country. Love plays such queer pranks that one day the Prince espied Asokamala gathering flowers in Ranmasu Uyana near Tissawewa. He saw her like a radiant flower among the flowers and fell in love with her instantly. Asokamala was truly beautiful but she was a chandala woman.

She belonged to the Rodiya clan and a strict law of the land at that time was death as a punshiment, if any citizen other than one in their clan was to marry one of them. Thus, it was unthinkable for royalty to have any kind of friendship with the clan leave alone, marriage. But, this did not deter the young prince as he had found his life’s companion. He married Asokamala and they lived in their banishment in Tantirimale, far away from King Dutugemunu’s anger. Love was such a motivating force that Prince Saliya gave up his entire inheritance in the throne and kingdom to wed his true love, Asokamala.

In similar mode, King Edward VIII of Great Britain fell in love with an American divorcee, Wallis Simpson. King Edward VIII did something that monarchs do not have the luxury of doing – he fell in love.

He fell in love with a woman, not only an American, but also a married woman already divorced.

Love story

To some it was the greatest love story of the 20th century, while others regarded is as the ultimate royal scandal. What is certain is that Wallis Simpson’s romance with Prince Edward was mired in controversy, as to be with the woman he loved, Britain’s king was willing to pay a truly extraordinary price.

Whatever her original intentions were, Wallis had told King Edward VIII: “I am so anxious for you not to abdicate and I think the fact that you do is going to put me in the wrong light to the entire world because they will say that I could have prevented it.”

King Edward VIII abdicated his throne in December 1936 giving a tremendous shock to the whole world. Everybody had their own theory about this alliance but the king did so because he wanted to be like anybody else.

Like Prince Saliya of Sri Lanka, King Edward VIII of Great Britain had a similar struggle to give up their thrones and kingdoms and so disappoint their loyal subjects. They did not hesitate to do so because the love they felt for their partners was a powerful love. These two examples alone show what a tremendous and overwhelming force that love is.

Obstacles

It has transcended down the ages that love overcomes all obstacles. There is a good example of this in our history, in the life of Princess Unmada Chitra. Her name implies that she drove men mad with her beauty.

Due to a prophecy at that time which said that if Unmada Chitra gave brith to a son, the son would grow up and kill all seven uncles of his.

These were the brothers of the princess. Due to this reason the princess was kept in a tower, well protected and well looked after. However, looking through her window that was really high, Unmada Chitra espied Diga Gamini riding down below on the grounds. Cupid shot his arrows correctly and this one look was enough for the two of them.

There was no stopping the lovers and even a tower was no problem for these two lovers who had nocturnal trysts that were aided by a collapsible ladder of Diga Gamini.

The story unravels that Unmada Chitra gave birth to a son who was spirited away to safety. The baby grew up and became King Pandukabaya. This event shows that no bricks nor mortar, high towers and inaccessibility could stop the path of true love.

Taking the scene across the seas, Franklyn D Roosevelt was the longest serving American President who was elected more than two terms. He was first elected in 1933 and was elected and re-elected again and again. He died in office when victory of World War II was in sight in 1945. His wife Eleanor was the First Lady.

She stood by him for better or worse, really literally, giving him great support through his paralytic illness that crippled him as well as all his political ambitions and saw him through his election campaign that Roosevelt won to become president. FDR as he was well known had such a persistent optimism and activism that contributed to the renewal of the national spirit.

Though, at one time the couple preserved the façade of their marriage due to an indiscretion of Roosevelt, the couple’s relationship flourished on new ground as political partners. Roosevelt’s new limitations, being on a wheelchair, prompted Eleanor to take an active role in politics, to assist his interests as well as her own agenda in abolishing child labour, create jobs for the poor through industries and be a strong proponent for women’s issues.

Though they had their notable disagreements, they worked well as a team, on many important issues such as, social reforms and relief efforts during the Great Depression. It was a thread of love that kept this strong couple together through their cloudy storms and sunshine in life. A great mutual respect that arose from love kept the two together till the end and even after President Roosevelt’s death, Eleanor Roosevelt continued to work for her country as an ambassador.

There is another story of Layla and Majnun that has been told in the East for over a thousand years and has always exerted a great fascination, as it is not only a love story but a lesson in love. It is not love generally understood by man but the love that rises above the earth and heavens.

Franklyn and Eleanor Roosevelt

A Persian lad and poet, Majnun fell in love with Layla, a school mate. When their love for each other was known, Layla’s parents removed her from school. Majnun wrote verses to her daily. When a friend told Majnun, “I can show you a thousand fair and more charming maidens and you can have your mate from one of them,” Majnun replied, “ O’ to see the beauty of Layla the eyes of Majnun is needed. “ Their story unfolds that ardent Majnun was not able to succeed in his quest and he went wandering in the desert in search of his beloved Layla. The path he took was strewn with poems of love. They were found pinned on trees and beneath stones and sand. He eventually went mad because of his great and steadfast love. The force of love did not spare Majnun .

In novels

Looking at novels, Sudu Sevaneli (white Shadows) is Piyadasa Welikannage’s book that won the best novel award at the State Literary Festival of Sri Lanka in 1986. It is a historical drama of Sri Lanka during the British period of 1848 and the commencement of the revolution from the hill capital of the country against Colonial rule.

The Matale Karalla, a peasant based rebellion against the British land grabbing and repressive taxes was short lived. Sudubanda, is a Buddhist priest who joins the uprising. Following its defeat he flees to Colombo, no longer a monk and works there as a carpenter. He returns to his village after many years. There he finds the family in disarray. His mother was ill and seemed insane, his brother jailed for murdering the Korale (local administrator, appointed by the British) and his sister in law and her two children almost starving. He took over the family, literally took over his brother’s wife too as they fell in love with each other.

At that time, in the hill area, the practice of two brothers living with one wife among landed gentry was not uncommon as this practice ensured that property remained within the family.

The skill of Sudubanda had a carpentry workshop going and they all had a comfortable and happy life. There was a strong love between Sudubanda and his wife which strengthened his outlook of life. However, life didn’t run smoothly as several years later, the jailed brother was pardoned and he came home.

Sudubanda became greatly constrained in his emotions in the home front as well as in the changes in social life after the revolt as he symbolised a new generation.

This is a realistic story, serious with a perceptive exploration of 19th century rural life with love enmeshed in between.

Lorna Doone was a favourite love story written by R D Blackmore in 1869. This story set in the west country of England was relished as it had an irrepressible outlaw clan of the Doones who pillaged and ravaged the countryside and the peaceful farming community, where a farming lad, John Ridd dared to go ahead with his unstoppable love for Lorna Doone, the beautiful ‘queen ‘ of the clan.

It had all the ingredients of the swashbuckling life of pirates in the Doones which was glamour to the young readers, with the added love story that began for the protagonists when they were children and their daring feats that kept the readers of the story on their toes

Their love is sustained over a long period and a secret past eventually transforms the present.

The love between John and Lorna seems destined to be unrequited, given the enmity between John’s people and Lorna’s. But the star-crossed lovers overcome all the odds to meet, time and again, and eventually marry. The past catches up with them for the better and it shows that it was love that made it so.

Pride and Prejudice, the most popular novel of Jane Austen was published in 1813. It portrays life in the genteel rural society of the day, and tells of the initial misunderstandings and later mutual enlightenment between Elizabeth Bennet (whose liveliness and quick wit have often attracted readers) and the haughty Darcy.

The title Pride and Prejudice, among other things, show the ways in which Elizabeth and Darcy first view each other.

The original version of the novel was written in 1796-1797 under the title First Impressions, and was probably in the form of an exchange of letters.

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.” This is how the novel begins and it illustrates great foreshadowing of the central theme of Pride and Prejudice. It is a tale of love overcoming the obstacles of pride and prejudice. The story revolves around Elizabeth Bennet, the second of five Bennet daughters. Elizabeth is charming and clever, although she is quick to judge others.

She represents prejudice throughout the novel. She is her father's favorite, and from him inherits her sharp wit. Despite her mother's wishes, Elizabeth is interested in finding a husband with a compatible personality, rather than one with great wealth. Pride is represented by Elizabeth's counterpart, Fitzwilliam Darcy.

However, the story unravels that Darcy does not give up even after Elizabeth’s dismissal. He backs down to give Elizabeth time to think. He continues to behave maturely and with subtlety helps Elizabeth and her family deal with unpleasant circumstances that arise. In the end Darcy wins his love, Elizabeth.

The Duke and Duchess of Windsor, nee Wallis Simpson, arrive in Britain for their first visit as guests of the Queen, 1967. (Photo by Hulton ArchiveGetty Images)

In the above two novels, the role of love can be seen very well throughout the story. Both stories show a long drawn courtship of the chief characters and how the emotion love works in the lives of these characters and the persistence of love and how it triumphs at the end.

In emotion

What is the one emotion that has everyone mystified? What is the one emotion that has started as many wars as it has ended? What emotion has had more plays, songs and stories written about it than anything else? Love, it is and it is love that makes enemies into friends and friends into enemies. So many legends surround this emotion, from the goddess Athena and Helen of Troy to Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet.

The phrase, love makes the world go round is very true. It is our driving force, for whatever reason it may be. Poems, plays and legends can only briefly touch the true meaning of love. We can only feel what that meaning is, and express it in ways only we can understand towards another. Perhaps, the question we should be asking is not, what is life, but what is love?

The word love has evolved from the Sanskrit word Lobh, which means desire or wish. The Sanskrit word is close to the word Liubov which means love in the Russian language. Love may be called the desire to be conscious or the realisation, of the object of love.

Love can always be discerned in the thought, speech and action of the lover for in his every expression there is charm which emanates beauty, tenderness and delicacy.

It is said that a heart burning in love’s fire has a tendency to melt every heart with which it comes in contact.

As love is the source of creation and the real sustenance of all beings, so, if man knows how to give it to the world around him as sympathy, as kindness, as service, he is bestowing all the food every soul hungers for. If man can do this, he knows the secret of life that would win the whole world.

I did read once that Love is fire. Its glow is devotion, its flame is wisdom, its smoke, attachment and its ashes, detachment. The flame rises from the glow, so it is with wisdom, which rises from devotion. When love’s fire produces its flames it illuminates the person’s path in life like a torch and all darkness vanishes.

With these thoughts I shall leave you to your analysis and you can decide for yourself also after reading the first verse and another of Tagore’s poem, Unending Love:

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times in life after life, in age after age,forever. My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs, that you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms, in life after life, in age after age, forever. You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount, at the heart of time, love for one another. We have played alongside millions of lovers, shared in the same shy sweetness of meeting, the same distressful tears of farewell, old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.