Mehrunnisa:

A love story from Lahore

By Zeenat Mahal

Chapter 7

‘Do you think, I didn’t notice where you went and who you talked with just now, without being properly chaperoned?’

Mehru’s chagrin at Bibi’s words was heartfelt because as soon as she came back to her room she’d felt waves of shame and anger engulf her. What had she been thinking going after Jamal like that?

Seeing the confusion on Mehru’s face, Bibi changed tack quickly.

‘I’m not angry. If anything I’m pleasantly surprised. I didn’t know you had it in you. A woman must always know her mind. Well done. Why shouldn’t you go after the man you like? But please little dove, tell me you behaved like a young woman? None of that women’s liberation agenda for me, thank you very much. Women already have all the power, if they only knew how to use it.’

Mehru glared at Bibi, who laughed and said, ‘He’s in love with you. Can’t you see that? Use your charms. That’s all.’

Mehru clucked her tongue.

Charms

‘No man is capable of love. We both know that. Secondly, I don’t have any charms. You tried for 22 years to bring them out from the deep recesses you were sure existed within me, to no avail.’

Bibi laughed.

‘He usually sits in the study when he has a case to prepare. He’s working on one these days.’

Mehru took one long look with Bibi and then she nodded. That night, after everyone had gone to sleep, Mehru went to the study downstairs, a room at the far left of the house, where hardly anyone ever went. She’d just pretend she’d been looking for a book.

A table lamp illuminated an otherwise dark and empty room. The big chair faced the other way but there was no doubt there was no one there. Mehru let out a sigh of defeat and went inside any way. It had been a long shot, and now that she was there, she might as well get herself a book.

‘Looking for something?’
She nearly jumped out of her skin. Jamal stood in the doorway with a file in his hand.

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.’
Smile

Mehru gave him a tremulous smile, ‘It’s okay…I was just looking for a book.’

‘I’ll come back later if you like…’

‘No, please don’t leave on my account. I can come back later for the book.’
‘No, I insist. You stay and I’ll…’

‘We could both stay.’ She smiled. ‘I’m quite certain your reputation will be safe.’His eyes shot up, full of humour and he said, ‘And you don’t care about yours?’

‘Oh mine’s already been compromised.’
His smile vanished, his voice hoarse he whispered, ‘What?’

‘I’m half-n-half as they used to call people like me and my mother. Half castes are nothing you know. My mother had a very difficult life. Half castes were considered dangerous anomalies. There was a law against us. Even now the discrimination exists. People like me, we have no rights, not reputation, nothing to lose.’

Silence

There was silence in the room.

‘You’re not…you shouldn’t think that way. You’re your father’s daughter too and—‘She laughed.

‘Don’t worry about me, Jamal. I know exactly where I stand with my family.’

Mehru gave him a friendly smile but secretly thought this goody-goody act was too much to be real. What made this man tick? Was he the upright citizen he pretended to be? Did he really think nothing of this?

‘We all have our little dark secrets. I’m sure there are skeletons in the closet, even in this family.’

His eyes shot to hers, keen and sharp, no longer the velvety bedroom eyes she’d seen before. These were the eyes of the lawyer, who reputedly cut people to shreds with his control and eloquence, in the courtroom. Now what exactly was he looking for, with that searching gaze?

But when he didn’t say anything she smiled and said, ‘You too…you must have some vices?’

He gave a short laugh and said, ‘Yes, I do have my vices. Though I’m too clever to display them.’

Chivalry

Aha! But she fell into the part Bibi had been unsuccessfully teaching her to play for years. Softly she said, ‘I seriously doubt that. I think you’re the proverbial good boy. You must always do the right thing--be the bigger man, code of chivalry, that sort of thing.’

‘You make it sound like it’s a bad thing…’
He looked a little confused and almost hurt.

Oh. He was so adorable. She had to be careful, and what with the looks and the bedroom eyes…

‘Not at all, I think these are the qualities that every man should have but sadly, one doesn’t see it often enough.’

‘No? There hasn’t been anyone in your life that you…admired?’

Mehru replied with genuine embarrassment, ‘Not really.’

He sounded almost relieved when he said, ‘You seem to have settled here well. It’s a very different life from what you’re used to. Do you think you could be happy here, on a permanent basis?’

Blunder

She nodded with a small smile, not trusting her voice yet. So Bibi was right. She knew what he wanted to hear so she said, ‘I love it here. I’m just beginning to get to know my family, especially y…’

She stopped, looking for all the world, as if she’d said too much, and was startled at her blunder. She hoped that it would work. He wasn’t all that bright where women were concerned apparently. He was marrying that Sania, after all.

‘Especially…who?’

His voice sounded faintly husky. So far so good. She’d hooked him but how far should she go? She made a split second decision and said in a low strangled voice, designed to reflect panic and helplessness. ‘I…I really…shouldn’t have…it’s nothing. You’re engaged and…I’m not Sania.’

‘Thank God for that.’

Looking startled at the vehemence in his voice, she asked, ‘Why do you say that?’

In answer he gave her a languorous look that had her knees wobbling. Quickly she said, ‘I…I should go.’

‘Mehru…stay.’

Intense expression

His intense expression didn’t change and suddenly Mehru could hear her own pulse thudding. Somewhat panic-stricken, she said, ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea. If I’d known you were going to be here...’

‘You wouldn’t have come?’ he asked.
Mehru shook her head, looking at him mournfully.
‘Why not?’

Mehru hesitated. What to say? How much to say? Enigmatically, she answered ‘I wish I could say but some truths are better left unspoken.’

She looked up at him and smiled, for a moment forgetting her goal.

Silhoutte

Jamal stood in the doorway, almost in silhouette and in that moment he seemed to emanate a primitive, barely controlled power and Mehru felt that there was another side to him, a glimpse of which he showed in the courtrooms. A fearless man…dangerous too — a man who had nothing to lose.

The moment passed, and he moved towards the table and into the light and said lightly, ‘Truth should be guarded, not falsified.’

‘That sounds like Thoreau,’ she said.

His smile reached all the way to his sparkling eyes, and he said, ‘No that was just me.’

Mehru laughed and inclined her head. Jamal said softly, ‘I come here sometimes to prepare for my cases. Don’t let me disturb you if you came to select a book.’

‘Thanks…yes, I’ll just take one.’

She grabbed one unmindful of anything except the remnants of her strange fear and foreboding that were still upon her. She gave him a small smile and reached the door when she thought he heard him say softly, ‘I haven’t put a ring on anyone’s finger yet, Mehru.’

She didn’t look back but she felt his eyes upon her still. The encounter had disturbed her. She didn’t want to feel that he was in any way a threat…because surely, he wasn’t? He was a harmless lamb; witness his reticence at his own slaughter at the proverbial altar with Sania. By morning Mehru had convinced herself that it was all her imagination and she’d just let it run away with her.

Having satisfied and laid to rest her wondrous imagination as far as Jamal was concerned, she went about her usual business. But the next few times, when the men gathered with the rest of the family for the weekly ritualistic tea, she caught her grandmother watch Jamal with an unusually falcon-like stare. Her grandmother didn’t look too happy with her golden boy.

Mehru couldn’t be sure, but suspected that it may have something to do with the way Jamal’s eyes kept wandering towards her, and they held acute turmoil in their depths. It was disconcerting.

Although that was exactly what she’d wanted, she couldn’t help feeling unrest and a sense of how wrong it was of her to be using Jamal for her own ends. She shrugged again mentally, it couldn’t be helped. Collateral damage and all that.

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