Is there a woman behind every successful man?

I am on shaky ground as, what the sort of statement as above is actually termed. Truism or adage or something else as profound as that? Further who first said it? Or whether a research has been done to explore the veracity of the statement. Most probably it could have been a woman behind the saying, as it gives the credit to a woman for any success a man achieves. Alternately, the author could be a male with a softness for clever females.

Anyway, the saying has led the way to many a quip. Once at a mixed gathering a man said that behind every unsuccessful man too is a woman. A woman said that nobody takes the trouble to investigate as to who is behind every successful female. Could it be a male? Are successful women ready to acclaim with grace to a man in her social and professional circle, his contribution for this feat? Not many, I fear.

However, these two categories have got intertwined along the corridor of history ever since Adam and Eve surfaced in the Garden of Eden. So, it is very difficult to sort out the dilemma.

The statement due to its non-clarification or non-detailing leads to many other issues.

Who is this woman behind the successful man? It is almost taken for granted that it is the wife. But it could be the man’s mother or his sister or a relative or friend or even a mistress. Recently I read a piece which partially motivated me to write this, where the writer gives credit for king Dutugemunu’s success to his mother.

Ideals

From his childhood, she had nurtured him in ideals of nationalism and patriotism and even in the need to fight for one’s rights. Giving up all pretences to dainty feminism she had even marched in the forefront of the army of her son till it came to fording the Mahaweli. No doubt she remained on the Ruhuna front of the shores emitting many cries of encouragement to her son.

Queen Somadevi was another consort who according to this piece was responsible for her husband’s success in unifying the island after combat with the enemy. So this time it is not the mother but the wife playing the famous role. Had she not descended from the royal carriage to lighten the burden of the horse drawn vehicle which the South Indian invaders could stop and murder the monarch, his life would be no more.

Though no book of note has been written on the subject as far as I know, a hopeful researcher can easily find enough matter to substantiate or nullify the above saying.

It is well known that many a bright literary figure of ours, all males, in the modern era were subject to untimely deaths due to addiction to liquor. Most of them were unmarried. If married to a concerned partner, their deaths would have been avoided. So here the adage stands true.

Stories

On and off, I have read life stories of the great inventors of the West and the part played by mothers in encouraging their prowess from childhood. This seems to occur mostly in non-affluent families where circumstances bring family members much closer than in affluent families.

The inventor of the power of steam, as a small boy, sat in the kitchen watching his mother’s painstaking efforts to produce the kitchen fires with old newspapers. And then once the fires were aglow, he noticed the lid of the kettle being pushed up with the force of the ensuing steam. That, the learned ones say, led to the origin of the first steam engine that was soon to make rounds all over the world, not only along sleepers and tarred roads but on glistening sheets of water that comprised oceans that demarcated continents. So here a mother figure stands in the shadows of success.

A similar story I have read with regard to the mental and financial nourishment received from his mother by the inventor of the electric bulb. So in many instances the woman who stands behind a successful man seems to be his mother and this is mostly because the period when a male requires encouragement in his ventures usually falls within the period that he lives with his mother.

However, a wife can be a successful force for her husband’s work in a myriad of ways including that of remaining deadly inactive. In fact, cynics and humorists could find queer motivating roles that induce wives for their husbands’ success. Once in a social group where writers predominated a query was put as to the role of their wives in their writing career. While many gave positive answers, one participant perhaps after a dose of that killing stuff, confessed that she helps him often for just to avoid her banter he locks himself in the room and begins scribbling.

Professions

And there is another issue. Who is there after successful women? Have they risen so far in their professions or pastimes and hobbies due to the help of their husbands, fathers, partners or male relatives to get out of frustrations of an unhappy marriage or family situation? That too deserves a research. The subject is knotty as to when it comes to the Leo Tolstoy pair.

The mate encourages him so much in his endeavours that at a later stage of his life, he wishes that she was out of sight, to prevent this ceaseless embroiling with his life. He finally dies completely away from his family, his kith and kin and wife.

There is also the dilemma that arises when a successful man or woman refuses to give credit to the one who has helped him or her. For example that great doyen of Sinhala literature whom I eulogised last Sunday nowhere asserts that he owes so much to his wife for his zoomed career but in my study of him I came across dozens who assert that Martin Wickremasinghe could not have reached such zeniths if not for his dedicated mate.

Anyway, the world is such a hotch potch that it is very difficult to find clear answers to all this. But nothing like raising questions even if there are no answers. And this is also an open invitation to successful men and even successful women to do an introspective study of who helped them in their career most especially concentrating on the legal partner’s role.