Getting on with co-workers

Working with someone you don't like or you simply hate can be distracting and draining. An insufferable colleague can negatively affect your attitude and performance.

Instead of focusing on the work you have to do together, you may end up wasting time and energy trying to keep your emotions in check and attempting to manage the other person's behaviour. If you work with someone you don't like, you're not alone.

It's a common issue literally in every single work place. Let's be real - be it for professional or personal reasons - everyone has someone they hate - that's the reality of the world. Typically, your response to a dreaded co-worker may range from slight discomfort to outright hostility.

First step

Today, the world offers more reasons for people to be divided than ever before and you find more complex diversity with the emergence of a multitude of sub-cultures.

Organisations have to deal with this too. If there is someone who is annoying or abrasive, don't think about how the person acts, think about how you react.

It's far more productive to focus on your own behaviour because that's what you control not the other person. To handle your triggers, practice a relaxation method daily and be determined not to get irritated by the actions of the other person.

This will enhance your ability to handle stress, which means the annoying person isn't that annoying anymore. While working through your displeasure, avoid the temptation to gripe with other co-workers.

Emotions are so contagious, you can bring everyone down in a fraction of a second. Besides, complaining about someone in your office can reflect negatively on you. You may garner a reputation as unprofessional or be labelled as the difficult one.

Jealousy

Once you have your reactions in check, think about what it is you don't like about the person. Is there something specific that sets you off? Is it that he's different to you? Do you wish you had his job?

Jealousy and other negative emotions can cause us to wrongly assess and mistreat others. Our favourite person in the world is ourself. The more different someone is from us, the more likely we are to have a negative reaction towards them.

Focus on the behaviour, not the traits, that irk you. This will help you discern stereotypes from true dislike. Start with the hypothesis that the person is doing things you don't like but is a good person.

By better understanding what is bothering you, you may also see your role in it. It's reasonable to assume you're part of the problem. Be honest with yourself about your share of the issue. And be on the lookout for patterns. If everywhere you go there's someone you hate, it's a bad sign.

Last resort

If none of this has worked, you may consider giving your colleague some feedback. It may be that what bothers you is something that regularly gets in his way as a professional. Don't assume the person knows how they are coming across.

Of course, you shouldn't launch into a diatribe about everything he does to annoy you. Focus on behaviour that he can control and describe how they impact on you and your work together.

If shared carefully, you may help him develop greater self-awareness and increase his effectiveness.

But proceed cautiously. Whether you give feedback depends on how artful you are as a communicator and how receptive he is as a person. If you feel he might be open and you can have a civilised conversation focused on work issues, then go ahead and tread lightly.

But if you think this person will be vindictive or mad, or will turn it into a personal conflict, don't risk it. The danger when giving emotional feedback is that they take it personally and it escalates.

You also need to be open to hear feedback yourself. If you don't like him, the chances are that he isn't very fond of you either. In situations where you are truly stuck and can't provide feedback, practice the fine art of emotional detachment.

By ignoring the irritating behaviour, you neutralise the effect on you. If he's being a pain but you don't feel the pain, then there's no problem. This type of cognitive reframing can be effective in situations where you have little or no control. Do not allow co-workers you don't like to affect your performance - if you do, you will be the loser.