Listening, the neglected component of communication

There are many seminars, workshops or training programs on communication skills, presentation and writing skills. I am yet to come across a session on listening.Why? The reason is simple. We take it for granted. For me it is the neglected component of communication. Let's have a close look at listening.

Psychologists say, we are born to hear but we need to learn to listen. Hearing is passive and listening is active. Let's say I am walking along a road hearing various sounds. At once, my favourite song is being aired on a FM channel. I turn and listen with enthusiasm. A passive activity has now become a focused activity. That is listening.

They say man is an intelligent creation. Imagine the state if man has two mouths and just one ear. The message is simple. We are supposed to listen more than talk. Are we really doing so? I doubt it. Either we keep on talking or impatiently wait for others to finish to resume talking. We surely are a nation of talkers but not necessarily a nation of listeners and perhaps, not a nation of consistent achievers.

Listening needs the proper 'wiring' between the two ears and the brain. The first step is sensing and selecting. We chose a sound we hear to listen. Then comes the interpreting. We attach a meaning to what we have heard. For example, the screaming of your son might be more important to you than the scolding of your mother-in-law. We evaluate the assigned meaning in our head. Do I need to respond? What should I do? Then comes the appropriate response. Finally the whole episode of listening will be a part of your memory. In summary, it goes through the steps of sensing, interpreting, evaluating, responding and memorising.

Chaos

How good are we in engaging in this process? There are a variety of stories in folklore where improper listening had led to chaos. If the process of listening does not take place properly, we might be ill-informed, misunderstood or confused. This highlights listening as leverage for personal and institutional success.

If a leader does what he or she wants without listening to his or her teammates, the result might have dire consequences. If the team does not listen to the leader and does what each of them wants, there will be total chaos.

It is true for a couple, a family, a school, a company and even a country. The key point is that listening is important with your team at work and the team at home.

Do we listen the same way and with the same focus all the time? The answer is obviously 'no'. They are several levels of listening as highlighted by many behavioural scientists and management writers. I prefer to go with Stephen Covey who proposed five key levels. Let's discuss them with suitable examples.

Level 1: Ignoring. Imagine you have come back home after a heavy day at office and lean back on a cozy arm-chair and begin reading the daily newspaper. Your spouse tarts sharing his or her daily chores. You may display level 1 listening, which is the worst form of listening.

It clearly gives the impression to the speaker that you are simply not interested in listening. That message is rather crude as you do not even make any attempt to listen properly. It can happen with an arrogant boss or with an irresponsible worker. This level is not uncommon to Sri Lankans.

Level 2: Pretended Listening. This is no better than ignoring but there is a false sense of assurance to the speaker that you are listening. I have seen this happening in many lectures and training programs.

The participants are physically present there but mentally and emotionally elsewhere.

Obviously they themselves are the losers. Eventually you will get caught as you will not know the substance.

We have many Sri Lankan examples for level 2. Perhaps the most common one could be the 'magnanimous' behaviour of so-called pro-people politicians. The poor and the needy get a comforting assurance which is short-lived with broken promises most of the time.

I have seen how senior managers practise it almost daily in business organisations. They are preoccupied with business issues, or what will happen at the next meeting, but firmly tell the speaker to continue assuring that he or she is listening with enthusiasm.

Level 3: Selective Listening. This can be rather funny at times. You pick and choose what to listen and what not to listen. Let's go back to the domestic front. The evening setting where you are glancing through the daily newspaper while your spouse is sharing the daily chores. If the topics are electricity bills, telephone bills or water bills you tend to cut off. If the topic is your pretty and naughty next-door neighbour, you listen eagerly.

The main issue at this level is that you get a distorted message. Selecting key words or phrases will not convey the complete message. Getting the wrong message would lead to dire consequences.

Trade unions might capitalise on one part of a managing director's statement and go on agitating.

Sales people might get only a part of a customer complaint and react improperly. They are many more such instances with inevitable communication breakdowns.

Obviously the three levels give less than ideal results. Hence, they are not recommended at all.

Then what are the preferred levels? How can we foster them to become effective listeners? Next week's column will deal with those aspects in detail.

Till then, reflect on how you listen. Aim to become a better listener.

The writer is the Acting Director of the Postgraduate Institute of Management. He also serves as an Adjunct Professor in the Division of Management and Entrepreneurship, Price College of Business, University of Oklahoma,USA.