Tongue in cheek:
Behind every great man
Elsewhere is a copy of Benjamin Franklin's daily schedule, as found
in a book. Below is what I imagine Mrs. Franklin's daily schedule really
5:00 - 7:00 a.m.:
Rise, wash Ben's clothing, feet, and bum powder Ben's wig; chop wood
for cooking breakfast; feed and clothe Ben's illegitimate son from one
of his many affairs; milk cows; feed chickens and collect eggs; tend to
garden; wash linens; repair feather bed; darn socks.
8:00 - 11:00 a.m.:
Benjamin Franklinís Daily Schedule
Open Ben's dry goods store and handle all manner of accounting,
sales, and transactions while he sits on the bum I washed earlier;
listen to Ben and his crazy ideas "blah blah blah"; chop wood for
cooking midday meal.
12:00 - 1:00 p.m.:
Prepare midday meal for Ben; stop Stamp Act rioters from burning down
our house; apologize to Ben for not listening to his new lending library
idea while fending off Stamp Act rioters; listen to Ben prattle on about
how much more obedient and affectionate common-law wives are in London.
2:00 - 5:00 p.m.:
Clean kitchen and return unused rations to larder; return all
correspondence to Ben's political allies and rivals; birth baby; oversee
construction of larger house to accommodate Ben's library; plan Ben's
upcoming trip overseas for "the big printing press expo."
6:00 - 9:00 p.m.:
Chop wood for supper; prepare supper for Ben and illegitimate
stepson; teach illegitimate stepson how to read and write.
10:00 pm - 12:00 a.m.:
Put illegitimate stepson to bed; say nothing when that lush Thomas
Jefferson shows up unannounced and takes Ben out gallivanting; work on
stitching for embroidery sampler while waiting up for Ben; chop wood to
prepare snack for Ben and Tommy J., who'll come back to our place and
start talking about "getting the band back together" and jammin' too
loud on the violin and glass armonica outside.
12:00 - 1:00 a.m.:
Prepare bed in barn for Tommy J. and endure speech about how many
chicks he'd bagged just by saying he was "THAT Declaration of
Independence guy"; go into house, wash and dress for bed, and listen to
Ben drunkenly ask if I am sleepy
1:00 - 2:00 a.m.:
Climb ladder and check on kite during thunderstorm; write down "Ben's
2:00 - 3:00 a.m.:
Try to rest.
3:00 - 4:00 a.m.:
Kill large spider in barn so Tommy J. stops shrieking; coax his
still-drunk bum out of the rafters.
4:00 - 4:45 a.m.:
5:00 - 7:00 a.m.:
Rise, wash Ben's clothing, feet, and bum; powder Ben's wig; chop wood
for cooking breakfast...