Don’t trap yourself in:

Self-Doubt

by Siobhan Harmer

In this hectic world where we are constantly expected to be our best, self-doubt can easily creep into our psyches and begin to chew us up from the inside. Self-doubt is the manifestation of a lack of confidence in your own abilities and, if left to run wild, will have you questioning everything you do.

First of all, you must remember that self-doubt is an entirely natural response to the pressures each of us faces in everyday life. Even the most confident individuals among us will have fallen victim to persistent self-doubt, regrets and fear. They will question whether they are doing well or enough; hesitate and become indecisive when their self-doubt sneaks up on them.Trusting yourself implicitly does not come naturally to many of us. It’s a challenge that almost everyone must struggle with regularly. It’s how you deal with these insecurities that show how truly competent you are.

If you continue to allow self-deprecating thoughts get under your skins and weave their way through your mind it can lead to even deeper issues such as anxiety and depression. However, dealing with and learning from self-doubt will make you more emotionally resilient and aware of your inner critic.

Here are ten tips you can use to make sure that self-doubt never overwhelms you again!

Recognise and

As with all flaws, you cannot conquer self-doubt my denying or ignoring it. Instead, you must acknowledge your uncertainty so that you can analyse and resolve the issue. Ask yourself the important questions:

*What triggered this self-doubt?
* Is there a certain part of your lifestyle that is hindering you?
* Is there a pattern?
* Have you overcome self-doubt previously?
* If so, how?

By answering these questions you can develop a strategy to anticipate and deal with self-doubt. Remember: self-awareness is crucial in developing yourself, particularly when it comes to overcoming negative thought patterns.

Try Not To Compare Yourself To Others

If you are already dealing with self-doubt, chances are your insecurities will not be improved by comparing yourself to others. When we are constantly weighing ourselves, our accomplishments and our potential against others’ we can feel inadequate, monumentally flawed and incompetent.

Bear in mind that everyone is on his or her own unique journey and that no two lives can be compared. Do what works for you even if it may not seem as impressive as what everyone else is doing.

Forget Others

Whilst we’re on the topic of others, it’s important to note that what other people think of you is almost entirely irrelevant and dwelling on their opinions will not benefit you in anyway.

It is impossible to manage other people’s perceptions of you whilst also trying to foster a sense self-assurance that cannot be swayed by external influence. It just doesn’t work. Despite this, I often find myself doubting my own capability, thoughts and decisions, and placing more value on what other people think. Sometimes I even allow other people’s opinions to influence me, as they seem more credible than my own. This is particularly risky as it can lead to making decisions that impact your life based on other people’s perceptions and attitudes. Worse still, many people will be so preoccupied with what other people think of them and their own self-doubt that they would rather do nothing than risk judgement.

So, to create a world where you believe in yourself despite other people’s judgments you must first abandon any attachment to what they think of you. When it comes to an individual whose opinion should influence you – such as a boss, partner or parent – try to be selective with their feedback. Make sure you absorb positive feedback and keep negative responses on the surface where you can use them to your advantage without letting them eat at you.

Make A Decision!

Self-doubt can make it extremely difficult for us to make any decision as we’re constantly telling ourselves that we’re wrong and incompetent. This leads to over-thinking and can exacerbate the problem enormously, which in turn often leads to people avoiding making any choices at all: they allow life to just happen to them.

Instead of rolling over, when you are faced with a decision go with your gut! This way you know that your choice is a culmination of intuition rather than outside influence, worry or ego. If you later find that you have made the wrong decision remember that not every choice is final! You can fine-tune your situation to suit you as you progress, regardless of your past decision.

Remind Yourself of How Great You Are

As the pressures of everyday life weigh on your mind it’s easy to allow compassion for yourself to slip to the back. Many of us will berate ourselves when we are not perfect or do not meet the extremely high standards society sets for us until we are absolutely bonkers.

To combat this pattern all you need to do is begin to take time out of your busy schedule to foster a sense positivity, confidence and self-assurance. Push the negativity and fear out of your mind by reading positive articles or create a list of mantras that will help you grow. Here are a few examples:

Everyone experiences self-doubt: it is natural

*My self-doubt does not define me.
*I am perfectly imperfect.
*I am capable.
*My past does not define my future.
*I will cultivate and nurture self-compassion.

Whenever you are feeling doubtful read these mantras to yourself as a reminder of just how capable and incredible you are.

Face Your Fears

One of the worst aspects of self-doubt is the fear of failure that accompanies your uncertainty. Do not let the doubt, judgment or dread dictate your path otherwise you will be led somewhere you don’t belong.

When you come face-to-face with the fear of self-induced failure evaluate the worst-case scenario that you can come up with in your head. In reality, that is never going to happen. The world isn’t nearly as serious as it pretends to be: in the real world, the risk will be substantially outweighed by the reward even if you mess up a lot!

Nurture Positive Relationships

Remember that although you will have to make the initial choice to develop your self-confidence and put effort into dealing with self-doubt you do not have to do it alone. Take some time to evaluate the positive relationships in your life to ensure you are supported by family and friends that have your best interests at heart. By drawing confidence, gratitude and reassurance – not validation! – from these relationships you will be able to battle self-doubt!

Set Short Term Goals

Long-term goals can be draining as the rewards are few and far between. Instead, to keep yourself motivated and keep faith in your decisions ensure you have short-term goals that can be achieved in no time. This way you will have a constant stream of reward that will keep you going. Bask in your wins!

Take A Break

Remember that life is not an emergency and you are not a machine, so you can take breaks to regroup yourself any time you need to! When the negative thoughts manage to creep into your consciousness attempt to ground yourself.

The best way I’ve found to do this is to focus on the present. Forget the past, it does not dictate your future unless you allow it to. Instead of becoming overwhelmed by regrets of the past or worries about the future go for a walk, breathe, visit people who love you: anything that will take your mind out of the frame of self-doubt. You have your entire lifetime to experiment with what works best for you, all that matters is that you feel able to take on the future in whatever form it takes.

Forgive Yourself

Without a doubt the most important thing you can do is develop compassion for yourself. Don’t beat yourself up over past failings or bad decisions; instead treat yourself with the love and respect you bestow on others.

Yes, it may seem as though your self-doubt has honest, reasonable foundations because you have failed in the past: but now it is time to forgive yourself and begin to trust yourself again.

(Siobhan Harmer is a video game, coffee and travel lover from England. Although she is the human equivalent of a sloth Siobhan sometimes writes things, most of which you can find on her blog There You Are Sibby)