tao of Dana:

The Power of Radical Forgiveness

If you're anything like me, you've had a moment where someone hurt you so bad, did something so unthinkable, that you deemed it unforgivable. Some crazy-making, heart-wrenching, out-of-reality situations can be so painful that there seems to be no way to even reason yourself toward any kind of forgiveness.

I am telling you, quite emphatically, you should find your way into forgiveness. I'm in paradise right now writing this. I think there's truth to the idea of going away to change a habit and unlock your life, even if its just some time in Nature for an afternoon to get fresh perspective.

Right before my birthday I experienced an unforgivable heartbreak. It was something I had never encountered before in my life. Someone I cared about turned cold, cruel even and just completely heartlessly mean toward me. That's how I saw it, anyway.

As I result, I took my own feng shui'd advice.

I thought I had purged it out of my system. I did all the space clearing, flower essences, feng shui-ing, journaling... I took responsibility. I saw what I did, how I did it... I started creating lists of all sorts of emotions to clear and burning them. I went to a healer so intense that I thought I travelled to another dimension. I envisioned myself free of the cords that tied me to this person.

I felt lighter, brighter and much happier and more focused.

Everything I preach... a list far longer than even this... I did it all.

But... I hadn't really felt open again to a relationship in a real way. I thought it was my schedule, all the travelling, my focus so intense on so many moving pieces... I had done all the clearing work. I had worked through all of it, you know?

Something funny happened six months later.

I found out we were scheduled to be in the same place and at the same time.

I freaked out. Shaking, actually. For thirty minutes I resolutely was not taking the trip. Then... I was going to take the trip but I would be cold as ice. I'd shut down, ignore, keep my space clear. But, that felt really ridiculous. The days went by, the angst simmered under the surface and finally it dawned on me....

I had not actually taken the time to forgive.

Really forgive.

It's very different to say "oh, I forgive you...." and quite another to actually forgive.

In the face of a situation where I felt no empathy was being displayed toward me, in a place where my feelings seemed to not matter, I was actually doing THE SAME THING to this person.

Have you ever heard the saying, "An eye for an eye and we'd all be blind" ? Essentially, if you actively do that which is done to you to another person... well... who really wins?

And... in a space where you are dwelling on what's been done to you you actually become a victim.

Victims have a hard time trusting themselves. They have a hard time getting back up when they're knocked down. Victims lose their power.

I was being a hapless victim because I just couldn't forgive for real.

Are you there right now?

Are you blocked in some way because you percieve yourself as a victim in some way?

Forgiveness doesn't mean you are OK with what went down, you know? I had to remind myself of that as I sat in the moonlight listening to a concert and decided to get up and walk over and start a conversation last night.

It felt impossible.

Then, it started. The conversation began. It started in wit, moved into tears and then turned to laughing.

I am no longer a hapless victim now. Two hours later, its like a whole world of darkness unravelled and in its place is light.

It may be near-impossibly hard, but forgiveness is your freedom.

You might not know where to begin, but beginning starts with beginning.

I've been listening to experts talk about radical forgiveness all day and you know what?

It works.

It un-sticks you from turmoil.

It helps you to feel open where you've been closed.

It brings you more love where you've felt none.

Forgive yourself. Forgive anyone who is still able to rattle you to your core. Forgive and forgive.

It's the most radical space clearing there has ever been.

The effects are instant when you do it truly.