tao of dana  

What You Put Up With, You End Up With:

So Don't Settle!

A long time in the making, I stopped being Miss Nice Girl in many ways. It's when everything became brighter and bolder and clearer.

It's really important to not settle and stay the nice guy or the nice girl when things matter.

What I mean by that is:

You have to stay true to what is in front of you.

If you've buried your head in the sand or settled too long, sometimes it all unravels in a sonic boom.

You accept it. You decide it's OK. You swallow it all, hold your tongue, try to explain it away... Your destiny becomes one of limitation, no options and no freedom.

What you put up with is your destiny.

Don't back down on your destiny.

Rise up to it.

Do you need to stop putting up with things?

Yes. Life blew up in some ways. It was a blow up long in the coming.

It's like the frame in this column . It's so delicate and lovely, but it took 15 tries and about 5 hours to streamline the process of making it. I could easily have settled... but I couldn't. I couldn't do something I knew would be 10 times worse if I didn't rise to the creative challenge. It's not about perfection... it's about knowing that there are standards and values and you can't half-do things and expect brilliance.

Here's the thing.

If you think it's OK to accept things you know are wrong, you'll end up with something wrong.

Your relationships suck because they aren't true, the important things swallowed up and sat upon to fester or just numb your feelings. Your work sucks because it's a measure of making due instead of doing what it takes to get it done. Then, to compound it all... it's hard to take care of yourself well because things are scattered and dull and dragging on you. All that energy that should feel like freedom feels like so many ways life falls short of what it should be...

When I realized I was responsible for that dull, dead, half-done, swallowed ball of truth that never got expressed in my own life... it's when everything changed.

I don't care how positive a person you are, sometimes things suck and you have to deal with them and not say "it's all good." Sometimes you're mistreated and you don't have to swallow it. Sometimes you're having a bad day and, you know what, there are some people who just have to be able to accept that and...if they can't accept you less than perfectly happy...it's not OK.

People go through things. Tears, exhaustion, pain, fear... it's all real.

And it's OK.

Especially when that negative stuff is moving you to a higher place.

We all don't like every moment of every single day...but we do have to rise up and be true in the moment. Some moments suck if you are honest. Some projects suck and need to be re-done. It's what it is.

I've taking impossible situations lately and refused to settle and set the pace for making them right. But let me tell you, when I'm backed in a corner and made wrong for having a bad day, or judged for being less than smiling and radiant... I won't stand for it.

It's not helpful.

I remember the day a boyfriend acted in a cruel way toward someone, shockingly cruel. When I got upset, he told me he was "shocked because he thought I was more spiritually evolved and shouldn't be so mad."

So, I shut up, I quickly grew to not trust my judgement, I let him do whatever he wanted with no feedback for even the worst things... and when I finally had enough it took me six months to recover from the amount of settling I did.

If you put up with being made wrong for your tears, wrong for a bad moment... you accept that its wrong.

Instead, you hold back the truth and you worry and stress and you settle.

You settle for numb.

If you put up with less than great work, you'll never break out of your own zone of productivity.

Settling steals your soul.

You deserve better. We all do.

Rather than being the victim of being a "nice girl" or a "nice guy" you have to rise up.

If you don't like what you see, dig in and change it.

If you don't like how you're treated, don't let it happen.

We aren't victims.

Say what you need to say. Do your part to make whatever's wrong turn more right.

It's always in your power to do something. It starts with being true. Even if it means feeling and experiencing and confronting a lot of hell to get there, be true. Don't ignore the things you're putting up with. That's your life's biggest clutter. Bigger than the piles of clothes and the unfinished projects and other things you may have piling up, too.

Clutter is a great physical red flag of settling.

My blow up was needed to get things right.

Yours might be, too.

I promise you, the universe rewards you for it instantly when you decide to unload the clutter. It isn't always pretty, but it will be amazing!