[Behind Closed Doors]

A jumbo chase, advice on advisers, and a rugby damsel

by Rasputin

Jumbo blocks pooja

The Hoover province politico of appachchi mala fame, who recently entered the House on the Oya through its rear entrance, went to Kebiliththa last week to hold a special pooja, probably to thank his Gods for the ‘backdoor’ ministerial appointment.

In an interesting turn of events, he was prevented from entering the sacred area of Kebiliththa by none other than a wild elephant who kept blocking the path of the ministerial entourage. The politico was accompanied by his wife and a few of his security guards in mufti.

At one point, the elephant, annoyed by the presence of the politico and his group, started chasing after the group and the politico had to literally run for his life. With this unexpected jumbo attack, the minister had to abandon his ‘Kebiliththa’ plan and return to Colombo with a heavy heart.

A devotee of the Cosmic forces, the politico now worries that the Gods were unpropitiated and may be unkind to him.

Advice about advisers

The new Cabinet, which had its second meeting last Wednesday, made a decision to limit appointments to personal offices of Ministers. According to whispers behind the closed doors at the President’s House, President Sirisena requested his ministers to desist from appointing more than two advisors and to follow a special code of conduct that would soon be introduced.

“Even the two advisors,” the hopeful President said, “should be veterans in their fields with sound educational qualifications.”

President Sirisena, who is determined to ensure ‘Yahapalanaya’ in his own Cabinet, said that a ministerial sub-committee will also be appointed to formulate the code of conduct for ministers.

Another Minister told the Cabinet meeting that a special report should be presented to the Cabinet on the horde of ‘advisers’ appointed by the previous President and the way they had been rewarded.

“Only then will the public truly understand the difference between then and now,” the Minister had argued.

After the Cabinet meeting, however, the new ministers were seen whispering to each other with serious looks on their faces. Apparently, their main problem was finding advisors who would fit the criteria laid down by their chief – genuine work experience and suitable educational qualifications. Most of their close aides, needless to say, did not even have basic GCE O/L qualifications, let alone any professional qualifications.

Rugby rumours

The rugby rumour-mill is agog with the news that the Damsel in distress, who got into hot water over the inquiry into the sudden death of a ruggerite, is now often seen together with another ruggerite who is a member of the national rugby team. It is no secret in rugby circles that the two are deeply in love. Whispers in the club corridors say that the affair is turning out to be an ‘until-death-do-us-apart’ sort of relationship!

Meanwhile, whispers at the club bar say that some of the rugby player’s close friends had warned him of possible threats to his life in the light of his new, high profile relationship since the Damsel had close links to a certain royal family back in the days of unrestrained tackling.

Cut to ribbons

Minister Lakshman Kiriella, who was invited to ceremonially commission the Kaduwela-Kadawatha segment of the Outer Circular Highway, found the ceremonial inaugural ribbon already cut! Two local women residents, presumably die-hard supporters of Mahinda Rajapaksa, had sneaked in and cut the ribbon before the chief guest arrived to officially open the road.

The women, who carried placards with portraits of the former President, had stealthily brought a pair of scissors to the venue and caused a stir as they intervened. The invited foreign diplomats were alarmed and amused by this last minute commotion. The protesting females clamoured that Rajapaksa, who at the time was resting in his residence after a trip to Pasikudah, should open the highway as it was his pet project.

While the officials fixed a new ribbon for Minister Kiriella to formally open the highway, the two Mahinda fans were escorted away by Police. Later, the genial Minister himself had intervened for leniency in their favour.