It doesn't matter

Three words that work magic in our lives:

by Lionel Wijesiri

"I am going to share with you three words that will help you immensely in your future careers and in life," a wise university professor, while speaking on the subject of 'Logical Reasoning' once told a class I attended. The words are: 'It doesn't matter.'

At first, his advice didn't make any sense to me. It seemed to condone a 'who cares' attitude, a direct contradiction to the attitudes we had been taught to foster.

Then the professor began to explain. "An adult has many frustrations in his day that are really not important. If he lets those frustrations get to him, he can be devastated. I will give you an example. Suppose you area senior business executive and have carefully planned your day. There is much to be done.

An important exhibition is coming up in three days where your organisation has a stall. One staff member suddenly gets sick and throws up right on the mural the others have nearly finished. Now, you can either fall apart because your plans are ruined, or you can say, 'It doesn't matter,' and convince yourself that it doesn't."

"Of course, you will have concern for what does matter: the feelings of the sick youngster. But as far as your plans are concerned, you will simply pick up your schedule where you left off."

After the explanation, I could see the wisdom in his statement. Since I used to get frustrated easily, I pencilled the phrase 'It doesn't matter' in capital letters in my Bulletin Board. I decided I would try not to let my frustrations and disappointments ruin my peace of mind.

New challenge

Within a few weeks, the first challenge came. There was a good-looking lady with whom I had fallen in love. She was also a student in the same campus. She mattered to my life and I saw her as my Princess Charming. But one afternoon, she told me as gently as she could that she thought of me only as a friend. The world I had planned around her came tumbling down.

That night, the words on my bulletin board seemed ironical: It doesn't matter, the Professor said. "Maybe to him," I thought. "But for me, it does," I whispered. "Really does."

But when I awakened the next morning and looked at the words again, I began to analyse the situation. How much did it matter - really? She mattered, of course,and our happiness mattered. But I did not want to be married to someone who didn't love me.

As the days went by, I found that life was indeed possible without her. I could be happy. And surely someone else would enter my life. Even if no one did, I'd still be happy. I could control my feelings.

It's only money

Talking about this 'It doesn't matter' concept, I remember a story told to me recently by a lady who is known to me for over 10 years. "A few years ago, my husband and I received some bad news. The money we had saved and invested in a Finance Company had been lost. After he read the email to me, my husband left the room to be alone in the study. I could see him through the hall doorway, his forehead in his palms.

The knot in my own stomach twisted as bitterness began to settle in. But then the energetic pounding of our baby boy playing with his blocks diverted my attention. When he saw me looking at him, he stopped his pounding to chuckle and grinned.

And that had no price tag. Past him, through the window, my girls were fixing the sides of a flower pot they were making in eager, happy cooperation. Beyond them, I could see the sky that was clear and blue and endless."

"I could feel the knot in my stomach relaxing as peace took its place. Soon I felt myself smiling, and it wasn't long before I was heading for the study with a message for my husband: Everything is going to be all right. It's only money and it honestly doesn't matter."

With the 'It doesn't matter' attitude, you give up expectations, both internal and external, self-imposed and outside pressure, and any pre-occupation with 'what should be' or 'what might happen if'. You are not driven by fear or doubt or any other negative thoughts or emotions that can prevent you from engaging yourself fully and without hesitation in your life.

You are able to throw yourself completely and with absolute vigour into everything you do, whether relationships, work, sports, whatever, because the only thing that could hold you back- failure or loss- is no longer a threat.

No regrets

The 'It doesn't matter' attitude means that you will embrace every opportunity that life presents to you and, at the end of a day, year, career, or on your death bed, you will have no regrets because you "left it all out there."

When you embrace the 'It doesn't matter' attitude, you experience something that is called 'complete freedom' in your life. Complete freedom involves knowing what you don't want and freeing yourself from those mind blocks that have forced your life along its current self-destructive path.

Complete freedom also means knowing what you want and propelling yourself along a new and fulfilling path toward that which you seek to: With this complete freedom, you can know that you did everything in your power to live the life that you most wanted and that would bring you your greatest meaning, satisfaction, and happiness.

In the large spectrum of life, there are many things that do matter. Our values and our honour matter. Our religion matters. We matter.

But there are also many things that threaten our peace of mind and our happiness that simply don't matter, or that don't matter as much as we make them matter.