Changing moods indicate healthy personality:

Let your feelings show

by Lionel Wijesiri

Looking at a series of Charlie Chaplin series the other night, I found myself laughing through tears. In just a few minutes of brilliant pantomime, Charlie expressed elation, tenderness, disappointment, joy, fear, resignation, pity and longing. Making me experience these feelings with him, made me feel kind to the whole world. There was a magical healing about it.

The wisdom of feelings became clear to me, in my early twenties. As my first job, I joined a small company owned by a gentleman, getting on in years. He asked me to reorganize the operations division, and I pitched in with enthusiasm. But, after a few weeks he began to find fault with everything I did.

When I asked my father for advice, he said, "I don't know anything about this business, but I do know the owner. His wife died three years ago and I think, he feels left out."

Next evening, I had a long talk with my boss. The company was hardly mentioned. Instead, I listened to his life story, and left with a better understanding of him, the company and myself. During the two years I remained with his organization, he gave me nothing but encouragement and support.

Awareness

Experience has taught me over and over, that the secret of getting along with people is to recognize how they feel, and let them know about it. When one is rude or quarrelsome, it's often a way of saying, 'Pay attention to my feelings.' When we say of someone, "He understands me," we're really saying, "He knows how I feel."

Awareness of feelings in others comes naturally, if only we let it. I saw it happen one afternoon at Galle Face Green. I was walking by a group of five small children, each child holding a bright-coloured balloon. As I watched, the string of a red balloon slipped through the child's fingers, at which loss, his face curled up in grief. Instantly, the child beside him caught his eye, extended his fist and released his own balloon.

Within seconds, all five balloons were soaring skyward, and the child who slipped the string laughed merrily, at the spectacle, with tears glistening on his cheeks.

In difficult situations, the right thing to do would not be hard to find, if we let people's feelings come through, and acknowledge our own.

Moods

Happiness, too, is the greater for being shared. "Isn't it a lovely day?" I remarked one day, to a sales lady, humming softly under her breath, obviously pleased about something. "It is for sure!" said the girl, and then she blurted out the news that she had recently become engaged. "I just felt like telling someone," she said. "It makes it so much more real!"

"I felt like it" - would be the best acknowledgement, and the reason to laugh, be generous, or applaud something. And, that is what moods are. Why fight them? Like the shifting of lights in the theatre, moods enable us to see life in all its aspects.

"I think creation comes initially out of mood," said Charlie Chaplin.

In a melancholy mood, we observe details that escape us in jubilation. In a pensive mood, we filter out distractions and concentrate on deeper thoughts. When nostalgic, we capture the flavour of past events and see meanings that escaped us before.

We mistrust moods because they change. Yet, changing moods are perhaps the surest indication of a healthy personality. When a mood doesn't change, we should be concerned. To go through life in a single mood, whether cheerful or glum, would be like trying to play trombone with a stuck slide.

Happiness itself is a mood, and there is very little logic to it. Wonderful moments of joy or sheer well-being come over us now and then without warning; elation appears out of nowhere.

Creative power

"My feelings got the better of me," we sometimes say, when we are moved to act kindly or courageously. It's almost an apology. Yet, feelings welling up from the depths of our personality, shaped by a lifetime of experience, provide a reliable and almost automatic self-guidance system. They may not help much in studying the stock market, or in maintaining the income tax file. But, in the fundamental issues of life, the final decision would be best left to feelings. How else is one to decide whom to marry, whom to trust as a friend or colleague, or what to do when faced with a sudden life-or-death emergency?

I once heard a famous music director discussing two young singers rehearsing for an audition. Pointing to one, he said, "Her vocal range isn't exceptional, but her emotional range is tremendous. She gives more to her audience." Through feeling we gain self-insight, tap our creative powers, and, enrich our relationships with others.

Why, then, do we often deny our feelings? Why do we cultivate a defensive, withdrawn attitude, a deadpan emotional unresponsiveness? "It's the new untouchability," a friend once said. "The idea is never to be shocked, surprised or deeply moved, at least not show it."

Feelings commit us to others, and thus, involve the risk of disappointment. They make us take sides, blurt out awkward truths, form personal preferences. 'Playing it cool,' on the other hand, means being 'with it' until the going gets rough, then turning without regret to something else - another mate, job, or cause. It may spare us of a heartache, or a struggle. But, if we subtract feelings from marriage, friendship or work, what would be left?

One can share money or food and still remain strangers. However, the only way one can mean anything to another human being, is to share his feelings.