Try something new

by Lionel Wijesiri

“When my husband died of a stroke last June, at age 42, I was so grief-stricken I could barely sleep,” Ayomi said. “But now, I understand the reality. There must be a reason for God’s decision. 1 had a happy marriage. My two children are in universities and don’t need much supervision. My job is secure, and I retire in 16 years. So what more?”

“What more indeed?” I thought. A woman of 39, able, experienced, attractive - assuming that her life is over. I’ve seen this often, in much younger people –the resigned conviction that change is impossible.

What they fail to realize is that it’s possible at any age to improve the quality of life. But, we have to initiate the process ourselves.

A widow I know obtained a bank loan and converted part of her big house to a Salon of Dressmaking. She had two married children doing well in their lives, but she had always wanted to be independent. She knew dressmaking, but never had an opportunity to use her skills. “I am very happy now,” she said, “It was not too late.”

It’s never too late to do what you’ve always wanted to do. The key is to move forward, make changes. The path many of my friends have taken to achieve greater happiness, may be thought of as a kind of creative arithmetic, with additions, subtractions, multiplications and divisions. Chances are, these 4 steps will work for you, too.

Add to your life by trying something new

Ramani had never grown so much as a rose shrub when she was asked to tend her neighbour’s beautiful rose garden, when the family was away. Taking care of the garden for a week, she was fascinated by the dramatic combination of beauty and the fragrance of roses.

When her neighbours returned, she asked for some help from them. Now, two years later, she has a unique rose collection. In addition to earning some income, she says, “Two hours every morning, strolling through my garden I am mesmerized by the colourful radiance of the roses. It makes my day, serene and tranquil.”

Turn your limitations to opportunities

When an industrial accident confined Rajendra to a wheelchair, he was overwhelmed by a feeling of uselessness. One day, a school-mate phoned to check whether he could give Rajendra’s telephone number to his daughter’s teacher, in case there of an emergency. That evening Rajendra got a bright idea.

He asked his school mate, a secretary of a leading service organization, whether he could perform a similar service for other members of the organization. The service organization was happy to assist and now he runs an answering service for over 100 clients.

The money he earns helps pay for the extras that his pension wouldn’t cover. “Above all,” he says, “I’m doing a service, and touching other people’s lives.” Subtract from your possessions the burdens, and activities no longer enjoyed.

Dennis was a successful marketing manager in a blue-chip company. When I met him in January last year, I saw him digging his backyard lawn. I couldn’t believe my eyes. “Your precious Australian grass -after all the work you’ve put in!”

“That’s just the point,” he said, “Aerating and fertilizing every quarter. Watering every day. Mowing and trimming every week. Reseeding once a year.

This lawn costs me hundreds of hours every year. What do I gain?”

Now, his back yard is a lush vegetable garden. It needs little care daily, and frees him to do the things he really enjoys. Above all, now he has his own home-grown vegetables.

Multiply your points of contact with other people

A middle-aged lady I know, ‘adopts’ grandparents. Usually, she finds them through volunteer work, but sometimes she makes a direct approach. “1 met Clarice in the supermarket,” she told me. “She seemed to have trouble reading prices, so I offered to help. I ended up driving her home; she asked me in for tea and now we regularly shop together. My children love her stories. Clarice thinks we do a lot for her, but she gives our family something priceless, a sense of the past.”

She adds, “My life has been enhanced since I began trying to get to know older people whose assumptions and life-styles are unlike mine. I have been introduced to different music, poetry and ideas, which I otherwise,would never have understood.” Divide seemingly intractable problems into segments that can be tackled one at a time. Yashodara left university a year before graduation, over her parents’ objections, to marry a musician. Three years and two children later, he vanished, leaving her with a mountain of unpaid bills. At first, she was shocked but began to gain strength, when, instead of contemplating the whole discouraging picture, she listed the things to be done, one at a time, as follows: “Cut down costs by 25 per cent. Sell the luxury car and settle for a basic model. Find out about educational loans, and reapply to the university with an appeal. Find a smaller apartment in a safer neighborhood. Find a good day-care centre. Talk to mother and father and reconcile. Get in touch with creditors and arrange to pay when you can. Find some part time work to get going while preparing for the finals.” That was four years ago. When I met Yashodara last week, she was employed in a leading IT company as a software developer.

Half of her loans had been settled. Her parents came to live with her and look after her children. She has filed divorce papers and was looking forward to getting married again, when the issue is settled. The moral of the story is: solutions for many of our perplexing personal problems can often be found by applying a kind of creative arithmetic.