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| Sunday, 7 September 2003 |
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Antipodean wind Sel lipi by Gotabhaya Swasthi Shree! Thus says his sacred Majesty, the gracious Great King, glorious Chakravarthi, King of the Kings of Maya, Pihiti and Ruhuna, Mahoora of the Vanniala-aeththo and ruler of all lands from Yapapatuna to Sampanthota: It has come to the notice of the Maha Vasala that all is not right in the hitherto tranquil islands of Navasiya Landha. Apparently the peasantry of that distant land has been protesting against a new edict of that kingdom. About a thousand of these goviyas, with a vanguard of two battle-banner-bearing bovines, marched in a perahera through the centre of the capital, Vel-ling thaenna, leading cows and dogs and driving the rude rathas that they use in their fields. Several of them, driving before them one of the slogan-emblazoned cows, and accompanied by an ancient rathaya, in which was riding one of their korales, climbed the marble staircase to the stately vahalkada that leads to the audience hall of that realm. They presented to the korales gathered together in that audience hall a sandeshaya, bearing the personal marks or signatures of sixty-five thousand of their number, asking that this same edict be withdrawn forthwith. It seems that the edict against which these bhoomiputhrayas are protesting lays down a tax on the emissions of vaathas from the beasts owned by the farmers. It is said that half those vaayus or vapours that emanate from those islands, and which irritate the spirits of the clouds and of the winds so that they heat up the very Earth itself, are produced by the vaayugrasthaya, the flatulence of the beasts of farm and field, of which they have tens of lakhs. The mahabaandaagaarika of the royal treasury of Navasiya Landha aims to raise eighty lakhs of the kahapanas of that realm by means of this measure of taxation. The peasants, who have formed the backbone of their remote outpost of civilization for many years, and on whom the treasury depends for much of its wealth, claim that it is the edict which is vaayugrastha, and not their beasts. Of course, it must be recognized that the vaayugrasthaya of the beasts of the realm of Navasiya Landha is but a minute portion of the paakajaya, the smelly vaporous outpourings of the race of humans. By far the greatest contributor to the anger of the devas of the sky and of the air is Amerikaawa, which burns kotis of kuruniyas of the magical yonaka thel, producing prodigious amounts of evil vapours. Until the gigantic vaayugrasthaya of the denizens of that vast empire is controlled, it is of no purpose to attempt to curb the minute emissions of the smaller realms. On the other hand, it is indeed a grand idea for the mahabaandaagaarikas of the depleted treasuries of the poorer kingdoms of this world to have a new source of wealth. Many are the countries which have sold the State silver in order to finance their day-to-day spending and are left with nothing, and might with profit emulate the treasury of Navasiya Landha. A tax on the flatulence of goats, pigs, cattle, buffaloes and even elephants might seem in order for them. Therefore, let the royal mahabaandaagarika, the most noble and wily Kshathriya, Narimanas Shoka-siha manthri, forthwith start the collection of taxes on all the vaathas emanating from all the beasts of this resplendent isle. Let a vaathagandha niladhaari, a smeller-in-chief be appointed by each gamsabha, to seek out and tax the vapourous effluvium of the animals that till the fields and draw the rathas of this dhammadweepa. Swasthi Shree! This rock edict is made on this day of Ravi of the month of Binara of the Year of the Saka Era 1930. |
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