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| Sunday, 7 September 2003 |
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Features |  |
| News Business Features Editorial
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PERISCOPE Who is the prettiest....? In our previous episode we reported that the Tribal Chief has had a look in the Mirror! and decided the hustings are not for him. We learn that this view is not shared by the 'Wealthy Tamil, to whom everything is political, and had declared that the Tribe is preparing for the hustings, if ever one is declared in the Wanni. The question is whether such elections will be held for the North and the East?? The Tribe is eyeing the hustings as bargaining chip in the negotiations. The return of the prodigal son! (or is it the brother?) In the meantime the Douglas gang are preparing to enter the halls of Justice, in case the GOSL approves the Tribal edition of the IA, come elections or no elections! De camped? The Tribe is preparing to dig their feet in, as reported in this column last week, members are undergoing training in using mortars and other weapons training, in readiness to repulse any co-man-do type operations launched by the SLA to get rid of the monkeys in the "Monkey Jump" camp. The Tribe has also sent the "Blue man", a notorious hit-man to bump off 'Douby, Happy sangari and other intelligence operatives. seems the tribe does not tolerate divergent views of the Douglas gang. The Tribe is also carrying on the recruitment to the Eelam Constabulary, to counter balance the SLP's effort at bolstering their constabulary from the brotherhood. Co Co Nut Talking of camps, Ranil had the biggest surprise of all when he pitched camp at Bentota, last week. Free falling coconuts, prevented the premier from taking in the landscape and the sea scape, for fear of falling missives hitting his head! The officials responsible had conveniently forgotten the plucking cycle! The office that is Flower is too busy preparing BOQs for repairs to the Araliya abode. Perhaps they are too busy studying the FRs and ARs to bother about coconut prices! Ranil might as well hire a Coconut thief to keep the garden at the retreat, spic and span!! We don't need SL (M) AS maladministrators for that, surely! Winning of Hearts! The Tribe has started doling out Gold coins, seized no doubt prior to the many Eelam wars, to their owners and are planning a big do round next week at Palai. They really believe that the way to the Jaffna Man's heart is through his purse and not his stomach. Keep up the goo (1)d work guys!! The Tribe is also setting up a hospital complex close to Batticaloa, The tribesmen never miss out on the strategic value of such facilities, in war or in peace a hospital is going to help the tribesmen, lets hope there is no need for the former! Teeny Weeny Stuff Following the poor turnout at the Paris demo opposite the Viking Embassy, Wee Flower is bent on destabilizing the economy through strike action. He has called on the pro Sahodarayas All Ceylon Health Services Union for help, to launch an islandwide stoppage from mid September, over the issue of the payment of allowances. Conceivably the Rathu Sahodarayas, cannot tolerate the thought that they are going to be long-term residents of the wilderness. The MoU which had misfired had closed the gate on their plans to piggy back on the PEE Aa. In case the PR system goes out of fashion, the Sahodarayas are literally sunk! So it seems Wee Flower, with his pretty locks will have to hang onto the Saree pota, for a very long time. CBK we are told is very happy with the recent turnout in Kurunegala. Unfortunately for her the crowd was as not as enthusiastic as her, because they had travelled from far off places. Looks like the PA is learning from the JVP at last. Sirup for everybody! Ranil has decided to dish out 16 billion smackers to all the backbench members of the House by the Diyawanna to follow-up. The small-scale infrastructure rehabilitation and upgrading project has funds flowing from the Vikings, Kuwaiti sheiks and the Chinese. There is going to be goodies for the people in terms of lighting up their homes, better drinking water and more and better roads, to be able to reach anywhere the voter wishes to get to. Hurrah! On the same subject Ranil was recently heard telling a group that he wants results at grass roots level more than just hi powered presentations in Boardrooms. Seems like the UNF at last has realized that execution has to be a part of the government's strategy and its goals. Mind Boggling It is not only the members from the salubrious climate up N'Eliya way, who are harbouring amorous thoughts of the Lady-in-Waiting at the presidential palace, but guess who? A ministering type! who is not a stranger to amorous clinches, has seen the lady in the dark. What transpired is anybody's guess..! Fellas more next week. The Mole |
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