Step out of that little dark room

A cure for social phobia:

by Aditha Dissanayake

I don't believe him when he says he suffered from social phobia...once. He looks so confident and cool, it is hard to imagine him sweating, stammering or shunning people. Convince me, I tell him.

He begins to speak "I have suffered from social phobia since I was a teenager. But things got worse when I started to work in a private bank as an Assistant Manager.

Whenever a customer walked up to me I began to sweat profusely. I constantly worried about what I said to them and was scared my colleagues would be eavesdropping on what I said and laugh at me behind my back. I was bad at small talk, bad at big talk, bad at telling jokes and stories, bad at making friends, bad at keeping friends."

What he says here are some of the symptoms of social phobia. Others include the fear of going to parties or weddings - even though you love to go , you don't because you're nervous about meeting new people.

You also dread those weekly meetings at work because you know you'll be "on the spot," tense, and anxious. You're intelligent, but you won't be able to discuss matters freely in front of other people because you're so worried about what they will think about you.

You stare at the ground or fix your eyes on your hands. When you have to speak, your voice sounds hesitant. You know you sound weak and sometimes you even stammer. Even after the meeting is over, the memory of it still haunts you.

You are convinced you made a fool of yourself and that everyone else in the room saw how afraid you were and how stupid you acted in their presence.

A job interview is pure torture; you know your anxiety will give you away. You'll look funny, maybe you'll even blush, and you won't be able to find the right words to answer their questions. It is especially infuriating because you know you could do the job well if you could only get past the interview.

Most of the time you simply must be alone. Even when you're around familiar people, you feel overwhelmed and have the feeling that they are noticing your every movement, criticising your every thought. You feel like they stare at you and that they're making negative judgments.

Isn't this being merely shy? "No" says Indrani Wijesundera Counsellor at the National Council for Mental Health - Sahanaya.

According to Wijesundera although it is common for many people to experience some anxiety before or during a public appearance, anxiety levels in people with social phobia can become so high that they begin to avoid social situations.

Social phobia is a relatively common problem that affects millions of people-men and women almost equally. Unlike some other psychological problems, social phobia is not well understood by the general public.

Because few social 'phobics' have heard of their problem and have never seen it discussed, they think they are the only ones who have these symptoms. Unfortunately, without some kind of knowledge and treatment, social phobia continues to wreak havoc on their lives.

Adding to the dilemma, social phobia does not come and go like other psychological problems. If you have it, you have it every day. The good news is, social phobia can be cured completely.

Psychological treatments are carried out individually or in groups at Sahanaya where you will be helped to face situations rather than avoid them, where you will learn how to improve your skills in talking to others and behaving appropriately in a social setting.

The group involves 12 sessions, (once a week for 2 hours) with ten participants. Imagine yourself free of your fear. Say to yourself "I'm going to take a step towards a solution. Now!"

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Life without social anxiety

No longer do I fear people, and no longer do I feel disconnected from people. Now I love people and I feel closer to people.

No longer do I fear the negative opinions and negative reactions of others; no longer do I worry about what others think of me; no longer do I crave approval and avoid disapproval.

No longer am I quiet and scared and self conscious. Now I am friendly and confident and expressive.

No longer am I insecure; no longer do I take myself so seriously; no longer do I get easily hurt and embarrassed. Now I am strong and relaxed and playful and secure.

No longer am I afraid of saying something foolish, of doing something foolish, of making mistakes.

No longer do I choose my words and actions with excessive care and concern; no longer do I monitor my every act, my every word. Now I talk and act freely and creatively and naturally and spontaneously.

When telling a joke or story, no longer do I look up at my listeners to check for signs of approval or disapproval. Now when I tell a joke, a story, I focus only on the joke or the story and I have no care or concern for how I come across to my listeners.

t No longer do I worry about attending parties and other social events, and no longer do I avoid parties and other social events. Now I enjoy going to parties and other social events.

After a party 'or other social event' no longer do I replay my behavior from the party, and no longer do I scold myself for doing something or for saying something that I thought was boring or stupid or inappropriate. Now after a party I never waste a thought on my behavior at the party.

No longer am I afraid of meeting new people, and no longer do I worry about making the perfect impression. Now I enjoy meeting new people, and now I am indifferent to the impression I make.

No longer do I feel watched and judged when walking into a public place.

No longer am I afraid of the future. Now I look forward to the future with fer ver and anticipation.

Paulo Carroca author of How to Overcome Social Anxiety