Banish self-pity

You may have come across many people who always complain of physical, mental and family problems. Do you like to associate with them? Certainly not. They are like people selling rotten fish! We avoid them like the plaque.

This does not mean that we should not suffer from any of these problems. Some of us are diabetics or heart patients. Others have family problems or financial difficulties. What we should remember is that if you have a problem, there is a solution.

Unfortunately, instead of seeking the solution, we start complaining about it. This is nothing but self-pity. You feel sad for yourself because you think you have a lot of problems or have suffered a lot. What is more, you want others to sympathise with you.

I feel seriously ill and was admitted to hospital recently. I could not walk without somebody's support and I had to give up not only travelling but also my regular visits to places where I earned my bread and butter. Although many of my friends and well-wishers provided every assistance I did not feel miserable, I told them that I would be back at my desk or classroom, very soon.

After my discharge from hospital, I started suffering from severe backache. I could not sleep for two days despite pain-killers given by a doctor. A Tamil lady who is a Hindu visited me and asked me how I was faring. She said that my backache would vanish in a few hours. As she was not a doctor but a dance teacher, I did not take her words seriously.

When she phoned me after some time my severe backache had vanished. "What did you do?" I asked her. "On my way home I went to St. Anthony's Church and prayed for you. I am happy that my prayers have been answered."

Being a Buddhist and a rationalist I did not believe in miracles. Now I have changed my mind. There are many things in this world that rationalists do not understand. People belonging to different religions visit St. Anthony's Church to have their problems solved. I do not see anything wrong with this practice.

Traditional Buddhists may object to my views. But desperate problem need desperate solutions. Now I go to this church regularly to pay my obeisance to Saint Anthony. This does not mean I have become a convert. I believe that Buddhism is more a philosophy than a religion.

Menike Sumanasekara, a positive thinker who has written many books on the subject, advised me to think positively at this time of crisis. While thanking her for her advice, I read about positive thinking in Napoleon Hill's best seller "The Law of Success" at the public library more than 50 years ago. This book has changed my life completely.

Before reading this book I too was suffering from self-pity. Astrologers had predicted that I would have to face innumerable problems in my life. Napoleon Hill had given me courage to prove their predictions wrong.

After my SSC, I found employment in a government department. I did not like the job at all but spent my weekends to pursue higher studies. I quit the government job even forgoing my pension rights. I can still remember Hill's words that if you want to succeed in life, burn the bridges behind you so that there's no retreat.

In the private sector I found my vocation. I received an immense job satisfaction as a fulltime journalist. I met different types of people travelled abroad and came back with a wider vision. If I had allowed fate to rule my life, I would have ended up as a miserable failure.

Self-pity is a poor master but it can become a powerful enemy if left in control for a long time. Fortunately, today there are so many positive thinkers who tell us that there is no need to suffer from self-pity. They do so either by choice or through ignorance.

We have a mind of our own and will power. If we use them to the best of our abilities, there is nothing we cannot achieve and lead a successful life.

When you fall sick, do not blame your stars or fate. Sometimes fate deals us heavy blows. We meet with accidents become paralysed, lose our jobs and become indebted. But all these trials and tribulations can be faced with courage. Whatever happens, do not let fate overcome you. You are the master of our fate!

Sometimes you get the feeling that some people are born lucky. They receive a good university education and highly-paid jobs. If you have the will power, you to can compete with such "lucky" people.

Life is full of surprises. William Shakespeare became the world's greatest dramatist without any university education. He attended the local grammar school. Since he did not attend college, he was not regarded as a learned man like Ben Jonson and John Milton. In fact, Jonson was scornful of Shakespeare's education when he said, "He (Shakespeare) has small Latin and less Greek."

Nearer home, Martin Wickramasinghe did not receive any university education. However, most universities use his books to teach literature.

Most of our beliefs are ill founded. Those who have had a higher education had done nothing special with their knowledge and abilities.

Those who have contributed to the advancement of knowledge have been very ordinary people who were not lucky or gifted. But they had the determination and a cheerful spirit to succeed in life.

What matter is that you can change your life if you really wish to do so. Today there are many opportunities to learn any subject you like. There are evening classes, weekend courses, distant education, books and libraries to serve you. Why not make an effort to succeed in life?

Finally, you can overcome self-pity by cultivating positive thinking, helping others to succeed in life and remembering that trials in life are a necessity for development of character.