Harrowing stories of twice-victims

by Indeewara Thilakarathne and Ranga Chandrarathne

It was a bizarre terrain with very little hope for humanity left. Protracted conflict had robbed the worldly belongs that these hapless villagers had, rendering them refugees. It is the little hope that is left in their heart and minds which enables them to carry on their lives. Their vacant countenances tell a story of horror, deprivation and agony.

The roaring waves swept away entire communities, making these villagers twice-victims of conflict and Tsunami. On top of all the troubles and calamities, women in the communities had to endure harassment at the hands of their husbands and kith and king.

Domestic violence, wife-beating continues unabated under the cover of conventions and religious practices. Perhaps, due to social stigma and shame, women do not come out of their suffering enclaves. This is a common factor among all communities. Some forms of violence, though not tantamount to physical harassment, are being embedded in persisting social norm of Ÿ "woman" and a "girl child".

According to Asian ethos, parents prefer to have a boy rather than a girl. This is prompted by the idea of carrying on lineage or the name in local parlance. In the traditional set up, girl child is not allowed to develop her personality and her movements have always being hindered.

This situation is worse among conservative families and among certain adherents of religions. Among these adherents, violence against women in some form or other is committed in the name of religion and conventions.

A gory facet of Sri Lankan society is revealed in tales of woe and deprivations on the part of the participants of the conference.

Anoli is a young woman (35) from Trincomalle who has been a victim of the circumstances. As the conflict intensifies in the area where she lived with her husband and two children, she fled the village to escape from fighting between the terrorist and the armed forces which claimed her husband's life.

Her husband, a labourer died in a bomb blast when he went to the nearby forest to gather fire-wood. Being a widow, Anoli had no fixed income and so no means of feeding her children. She abandoned her make-shift house and registered herself with the camp as a refugee.

It is in the refugee camp that she was exposed to sexual harassment by men of all ranks. In an insecure environment, she had to live with a mix community of men and women belonging to diverse religion and ethnicities.

Sexual exploitation is a common phenomenon and it was a hushed affair. In fear of further harassments and assault Anoli did not reveal the wrong-doers. Perhaps, it is something that society can not expect from a vulnerable woman such as Anoli in her present condition.

The Asian Tsunami gave an opportunity for rapists to rampage the villages in search of women among the scattered bodies. Anoli had been a victim. According to her story, she was continuously raped and subjected to untold hardships before she finds her way to the refugee camp.

Even though she could identify the perpetrators of the crime, there is little hope that women like Anoli can seek redress from Court of Law. It is also not possible for her to come out with her stories because of social stigma and shame. Among other things Tsunami had robbed her innocent and beloved children aged 2 and 10 while the fighting deprived her of her husband.

Anoli laments over the shabby treatment meted out to her by her mother-in-law. When she took refuge in her mother-in-law's house, she was given a step-motherly treatment. Eventually, she was thrown out of the house by her mother-in-law and sister-in-law.

It is pathetic that a certain organization claiming to protect the women's rights and maintaining posh officers and staff had refused to allow a girl to stay the night when she was brought to the organization. She was raped by an influential father and uncle.

In desperation, she sought refuge in the organization. Her request was flatly refused by the organization which claims to be a vanguard of protecting women's rights.

It is high time that women be aware of such unscrupulous organizations and personalities who are no more than merchants of misery.

They not only exploit the good will of European nations but always portray a negative picture of the country. Donor community and the religious organizations should be vigilant on the organizations they funding and contribution that these so called charities make to the community.

This particular organization spending considerable money on maintaining staff and posh officers with tiled floor, has been churning out reports of their so-called humanitarian work.

If the donor community and charities implicitly believe them, their hard-earn money will eventually end up in the pockets of crooks and vultures who feed on misery and calamities.

Therefore, it is imperative that an independent complaining mechanism together with checks and balances should be set up by the donor community in order to attest this negative trend.

On the other hand, society at large is also responsible for strengthening voluntary organizations and civil society in order to nip in the bud these unscrupulous elements that feed on misery.

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'Most men suffer in silence'

by Rosanne Koelmeyer Anderson

'Violence against women', a much debated topic these days. But , what about writing something about violence against men I was told as a campaigner for women's rights. Why not I thought. It is actually very interesting to know if there really exists a situation of "violence against men" in an age where everyone is fighting for "rights".

In an interview with Professor Charles Senerath, Senior Professor(Emeritus) of the University of Moratuwa and Counsellor Trainer on "violence against men" he explained that mental violence in men was more common than physical violence but violence against men on the whole was not a common phenomenon .

Mental violence is a situation where emotion takes the better of a person and it can happen both ways. Emotional agitation can come about as a result of trivial issues which triggers off abnormal behaviour in a person.

"The maturity level of people play a vital role in behavioural control. Abnormal or erratic behaviour resulting from a state of emotional agitation, embarrassment or frustration results essentially when a person gets disturbed and when perceived needs, wants and expectations are not met.

This is a typical case where a counsellor can help because emotion has taken over the better of a person and not reason. A counsellor at this stage can help people take responsibility for their irrational behaviour.

But many people don't know the benefits of counselling and don't actually go for counselling. Counselling does help make bad situations better but you should not expect miracles and want solutions to problems with one visit", Prof Senerath explained.

"When women are subject to violence they resort to seeking help but men do not; this is a significant difference where the ego plays a big part in suppressing emotion. Most men, even if they are in precarious situations don't make an issue of it; they are comparatively more reluctant about being 'open.'

Addiction has been a major contributory factor to physical violence and this is one reason why violence against women is more commonly reported. However, typical cases of violence against men are reported where mothers-in-law dominate the daughters-in-law and the husbands suffer as a result.

However, this problem could be resolved by proper counselling, Prof. Senerath added. But behind closed doors the truth is yet to come, Most men at the end of the day suffer in silence."

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