The art of good timing

by R.S. Karunaratne

My telephone rang at dead of night. I raised the receiver somewhat reluctantly.

"I am sorry, I don't know whether this is the right time call you...." said the caller apologetically. I told him although it was not the right time to call anybody, he could tell me what he wanted to say.

This small incident shows the importance of timing. Many business ventures and marriages fail due to bad timing. It is not meant that you should consult an astrologer every time you want to make a vital decision. Far from it. You have to decide what is the right time to write a letter to your mother, give a call to your sister, or to propose to your girlfriend. However, how do you find out the right time to do these activities?

Once I was interviewing Sri Lanka's super star Gamini Fonseka when he was the Speaker. He warned me right at the beginning that I should not interrupt him when he talked. He kept on waxing eloquently and I noted down all the salient points in my notebook.

After about one hour he stopped abruptly and asked me to read back what I had taken down. Then he resumed his mini-lecture. After another half an hour he concluded his speech.

"Now is the time for you to ask questions," he said lighting another cigarette. Then I realised that there was a right time to ask questions in an interview. If I had questioned him in the middle of his speech, I would have upset his train of thoughts.

Even as an actor Gamini Fonseka knew the right time to go to the location. He was never late and acted out his role brilliantly without wasting the time of other artists. At times he lost his cool when others were not ready to shoot a scene. But everybody loved his timing and learnt the art of doing things at the right moment.

If you want a raise, you will not talk to your boss when he is handling a difficult problem. You usually approach him when he is in a relaxed mood. Even children know when to ask for pocket money.

Many marriages have failed over arguments of trivial matters at the wrong time. Many problems are bound to crop up in marriage regarding children, property, money and family relationship. If you start shouting at your partner, he or she is likely to shout back. Shouting at each other will not produce any good results. If both partners are adamant in having their way, the marriage is bound to suffer.

Both partners should learn the art of studying the other's moods before starting an unpleasant argument. As human beings we all have numerous problems. We cannot seek a solution by dissolving the marriage. We must learn when to question our partners, when to show affection and when to vent out our bottled-up feelings. If partners understood this simple matter, the divorce rate would come down drastically.

Good timing may sometimes mean doing the unexpected. Once I had to meet a busy executive to ask for a small favour. He was going through a list of names.

"Yes", he said raising his head with a somewhat worried look.

I told him very briefly why I came to see him. Then he started going through the list of names once again. I immediately realised that I had come to see him at the wrong time.

Sometimes you wonder whether timing is a kind of gift you are born with. However, it seems that good timing is a skill that can be acquired and improved. Then how can a person acquire this skill?

We are dealing with human beings most of the time. There is something common to them.

They eat, they sleep and they think. So we have to deal with thinking men and women, William Shakespeare wrote more than 500 years ago, "There is a tide in the affairs of men which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune." In other words, Shakespeare too believed in the right time for doing everything.

Those who do not know how to find out the right time to do something important consult astrologers. Astrology is unlikely to help us find the right time. On the other hand, it is impossible to find auspicious times to do all our activities.

In order to acquire the skill of finding the right time, avoid argument when you are angry. Socrates never got angry when people asked him foolish questions. He maintained his "cool reasoning" very effectively. Try arguing with an angry man or woman.

You will end up with a bundle of bitter feelings. As Aristotle said, "Anybody can become angry - that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy.'

One day I received a call from an angry reader.

"What's the purpose of writing this column? Is it possible to change people's thinking and behaviour?" He asked. I remembered Socrates' cool reasoning and kept quiet.

The next step is to be prepared for the future. Although you cannot say exactly what is in store for you tomorrow, you can sharpen your powers of anticipation. Your future is determined by what you do today. For instance, a criminal should be prepared to spend his future in a prison. Similarly, if you are engaged in humanitarian activities, you will be ready to reap good results tomorrow. You reap what you sow.

Successful individuals and business organisations have adopted the time-tested look ahead policy. Those who do not think of their future have no goals to achieve. As a result, they will be wasting their resources in fruitless tasks. Some planning is necessary for the weekend outing to the hill country or for the examination you are going to sit. Those who do not plan are bound to fail in their activities.

To success in life you need loads of patience. If you have no patience, you will always fight with your colleagues, partners or even bus conductors. It is not easy, however, to acquire patience. Therefore, learn how to control your emotions effectively. To practise patience you need both wisdom and self control.

The Old Testament says, "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."

However, how do you know the right season and the right moment? In order to do this, you have to get out of yourself and assess the situation. This is not something difficult. Getting out of yourself means that you have to look at yourself as an outsider. Then you can decide the right moment for all your activities.

Even those who wage war against enemy forces know the value of timing. Politicians know when to go for elections and make promises. Good parents know when to pull up a child and when to show him affection. Babies know when to cry and when to sleep.

As such, good timing is nothing new to us. The only problem appears to be that most of us have lost sight of it due to various other demands on our time.

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