A man was eavesdropping on two women sitting behind him on the bus when they started talking about a trip to Switzerland.

The first woman asked the second whether she had enjoyed the beautiful scenery.

"Not really," came the reply. "I couldn't see much because of all the mountains in the way."

A computer engineer, a systems analyst, and a programmer were driving down a mountain when the brakes failed. They screamed down the mountain, gaining speed, and finally managed to grind to a halt, more by luck than anything else, just inches from a thousand foot drop to jagged rocks. They all got out of the car.

The computer engineer said, "I think I can fix it."

The systems analyst said, "No, I think we should take it into town and have a specialist look at it."

The programmer said, "Okay, but first I think we should get back in and see if it does it again."

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund started chasing butterflies and before long discovered that he was lost.

So, wandering about, he noticed a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dachshund thought, "I'm in deep trouble now!"

Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settled down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard was about to leap, the dachshund exclaimed loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here."

Hearing this, the leopard halted his attack in mid-stride. A look of terror came over him, and he ran into the trees.

"Whew," said the leopard. "That was close. That animal nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figured he could put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he went.

But the dachshund saw the monkey heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon caught up with the leopard, spilled the beans and struck a deal for himself with the leopard.

The leopard was furious at being made a fool of and said, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the dachshund saw the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thought, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sat down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet. And, just when they got close enough to hear, the dachshund said:

"Where's that stupid monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

Three comedians were enjoying some coffee at a cafe after a late show. They've heard one another's material so much, they've reached the point where they don't need to say the jokes any more to amuse each other - they just needed to refer to each joke by a number.

"Number 37!" cracked the first comic, and the others started laughing loud.

"Number 53!" said the second guy, and they howled.

Finally, it was the third comic's turn. "44!" he quipped. He got no response. "What?" he asked, "Isn't 44 funny?"

"Sure, it's usually hilarious," the other two answered. "But the way you tell it..."

A robot walks into a pharmacy. The pharmacist asks him if he would like anything. The robot replies, "A soul".

Jay: Why is the sea restless?

May: I don't know. Why is it so?

Jay: It has rocks in its bed.

Jack: You should sing solo.

Jill: Do you really think so?

Jack: Yeah, so low I can't hear you.