Antidote to indecision

Most of us come to crossroads in our lives. When we pass our Advanced Levels some of us do not know which way to go. Sometimes, we take the wrong route and then repent. Once I met a youth who was waiting to enter university. As there was some delay in the admission process, he applied for a clerical post in a government department. After some time he received the appointment letter asking him to proceed to Hingurakgoda to assume duties in a small office. He was delighted to be employed. But his happiness was short lived because he received a letter from the University Grants Commission informing him that he had been selected to the Law Faculty at the University of Colombo.

The young man did not know what he should do. He consulted his peers, teachers, elders and a host of others who gave him many kinds of advice. He wanted to cling on to the Government job which was highly recognised at that time. It was a permanent job with pension benefits. His parents insisted that he should not resign to enter university. So, he stuck to his parents' decision and lost the rare opportunity of learning at a university.

Whether you are employed or not, the next problem arises when you try to find a suitable partner. You marry for various reasons: beauty, education, wealth, or social status. However, whoever you marry, you have that nagging feeling that you have married the wrong partner! As a result, most marriages end up in the divorce courts or one spouse begins an extra-marital affair.

Psychologists have paid much attention to this area of decision-making for a long time. Why do people make wrong decisions? How to make the right decision? Are there any guidelines to help us in decision-making? These are extremely difficult questions. However, let us see whether we can arrive at some guidelines.

Dale Carnegie once suggested a sure-fire method of solving the problem of decision-making. He said that if he had a problem to be solved at 3 p.m. on Tuesday, he would not try to solve that before that time. Instead, he would collect all the data and analyse the problem until Tuesday. He said that when he had collected all the data, the problem was half solved. Critics, however, might say that just collecting facts will serve no purpose. The most important word he used was 'analyse'. Without careful analysis, nobody can project their vision to the main objective. You have to know what you are going to achieve and you should also adopt alternative strategies in case the original plans misfire.

For ordinary people, the situation is not so complicated. When you have to make a decision, you should weigh the pros and cons of the situation. If you do it sensibly, half the problem is solved.

The fact-finding mission or the process of data-collecting should be done very cautiously. You cannot seek the counsel of everyone you meet on the road. Some people may be jealous of your success. There are others who want to mislead you and laugh at you. Therefore, you need to consult a trusted few when you are unable to make a decision.

According to Sigmund Freud, the decision should come from within yourself in matters of choosing a career or a partner. This is a decision that will affect your whole life. Therefore, there is no necessity to delegate the power of decision-making in such affairs to your parents or peers.

There is an old proverb that says, "We should sleep on big decisions." This means that our behaviour is affected by our moods. If you wish to ask for a raise, talk to your boss when he is in a cheerful mood. Similarly, you can make sensible decisions only when you are in a good mood!

When you make the final decision, you stand to gain something and lose something else. This is quite natural. Therefore, there is no need to repent for what you lose in the final deal.

When you have to make a difficult decision, reflect on the facts and sleep over them for some time. Your final decision needs one more ingredient. That is courage!

Delayed feedback

Journalists and authors always welcome feedback from readers. I have received a letter from Mrs. H. Dantanarayana, 76, residing in Australia. Following is an extract from her long letter:

"The article titled 'Purveyors of mangled English' is definitely a source of laughter and I always ponder as to what the level of English would be in years to come. The writer or the reader cares less and nobody pinpoints the mistakes either... I stop to wonder where this respectable language of yesteryear with standards of grammatical rules would end up."