Lost for life - they need our help

by Amal HEWAVISSENTI

Disasters - perhaps the bittermost word you've ever got the wind of. In whatever form it does fall on you, disaster shows its total ruthlessness so much as to cripple its victim emotionally and physically for life or even bring in self-destructive tendencies. A disaster or a sudden accident which causes great damage or loss of life virtually leaves you highly unstable and disqualified of achieving the best of life or at least living an ordinary life.

It is a cardinal error to deliberately ignore the fact that disasters have an irrevocably offensive impact on both personal level and social level unless the victim is treated with a correct approach of counselling or with an outfront brainwashing.

A correct approach? Yes. A correct approach which if used amiss, would definitely cover a person's life with a blanket of depression and create a generation of emotional wrecks. Most recently the tsunami disaster which made us feel its pangs most acutely, left an indelible blackmark in the memory of children, youth and the old alike, in our country. We who saw the video clips on TV displaying the live horror of the disaster and those who had been knocked off balance by the near death experiences of tsunami are still plagued by the traumatic memories.

A disaster comes in many forms. Domestic violence, physical torture, vehicle accidents, arson, serious robberies, being trapped in ethnic conflicts, rape, child molestation, physical handicap and other types of bereavements are considered the forms of disasters likely to hit any person. One might have visual experience of a loving member of the family dying or being subjected to serious harm or one might have seen one's house being razed to the ground. Displacement resulting from a large scale destruction is a serious national disaster that Sri Lanka is currently facing. The sociological impact of a disaster is a major threat to a country because a disaster brings about a breakdown of education, shattered morale, personal efficiency undermined and the break down of vitality in thousands of victims. If these are allowed to pass unnoticed, more serious problems such as lethal addiction to liquor, divorce, family disputes, social violence, or even suicidal tendencies might emerge to disarrange the social setting.

Shocking aftermaths

Any individual struck by disaster, shows varied responses ranging from unfounded fear, to regret, shame, cynicism towards everybody around confusion, shock, and total rejection. These inner responses and impulses may turn out to be highly destructive both to the person in question and the society at large, unless they are cancelled out through careful counselling. Far greater than the sum of their separate effects, these responses are able to produce a combined effect which in turn may create an antisocial man. Therefore, the aftermath is undoubtably dangerous. Anxiety, depression and lessened self esteem are the most damaging responses spawned within such a victim. A person who has survived death but has witnessed the death of a member of the family or a close friend, during the catastrophe, is often bedevilled by the recurrent feeling that the victims have died because of him or he too should have joined them in death rather than living a life without the company of the departed loved ones. This sense of guilt is much too common in the surviving members of a destroyed family (specially during tsunami 2004). They often say "why on earth didn't I die instead of my.....? I myself should have died while they are alive! Or I should better have been dead with them too because I'm indirectly responsible for their plight." People who suffer from depression are usually identified with lesser body strength, extreme disappointment, strong sense of helplessness, sorrow, lack of sleep or over sleep, and bitter cynicism to their future. They markedly keep away from social affairs and even try to think of the possibility of doing self-damage.

Unexpected disaster

Suppose you are struck by an unexpected disaster. At first, you tend to totally deny what has just happened because your mind is naturally unprepared to offer strong resistance to the shock produced by the event. You might find yourself helpless, disorientated and floating on a colourless haze with no end. It is quite natural for you to have detached from the freetime talking and activities with others and to have chosen full time seclusion because the mind has turned too numb to stand people and their company. Here you are fighting a constant battle against your mind that recurrently accepts that the "thing has really happened and there is no way out." However, the words of consolation or comforting touches from those around will be an extra nuisance to you and you might feel the urgent need to escape from everything and from the presence of everyone. This rejection or denial of the mishap has been naturally planned in the mind as an effective protection for the mind which has to endure the shock of an unbearable event. This goes on roughly for the first few weeks of the calamity.

After about three weeks you begin to realise that the disaster has actually come about and what you have got to lose, has already been lost. These are the instant responses that emerge from a victim of calamity but chances are high that these responses develop into a chronic depression. On the otherhand, being orphans in a camp is really a nightmarish experience because they had been in a higher stability economically and socially before they were deprived of everything. Moreover, the emotional injuries inflicted by a mishap such as a rape, are the most difficult to be put right because the social disgrace levelled on the girl is too much for her to stand. However, the most painful experience as most victims reveal, is the distressful memories which intrude into the victim redoubling his misery.

Bereavement the personal tragedy

Plainly speaking bereavement is a particularly noticeable by-product of a large scale disaster. This simply refers to the poignant situation where a loved member of the family or loved person dies, leaving unbearably painful emotions and impressions which last for a fairly long time or perhaps throughout one's lifetime. Psychologists agree that bereavement is the most difficult sensation to bear up and it gradually becomes a decisive factor within the person living. We know that there is nothing more than losing a loved one through his death and this tragic loss is able to bring about long-term suffering. Psychologists have compared bereavement to a recurrently aching wound which would take much time to be put right or would never heal leaving behind a trail of personal tragedy.

An individual who has been deprived of a loved one or a close relation first denies that he has lost the loved one and goes on to impulsively believe that the dead person might be living somewhere. This situation was more common in the tsunami disaster where survivors earnestly believed that their deceased relations were living somewhere in the country.

Next he understands that the loved one has been dead. At the same time, he might feel that he has turned out to be a worthless fellow because the feelings of isolation begin to haunt him and sometimes, he might hear the dead whisper to his ear or might dream of the dead. But actually he is alone! We all feel the death in a calamity much more afflicting than a natural death as we strongly feel guilty of not saving the loved one from the death though we were far beyond any responsibility.

Your role important

If you happen to have a victim of bereavement with you, you can happily take on the responsibility of revamping his broken morale and helping him return to normalcy. First you should strongly convince him of the unavoidability of death and of the reality that everyone in the world sometime or later faces the tragedy of bereavement of certain type. For this you must assure him that you are always prepared to listen to his story of disaster and to unconditionally share his grief and feelings. Never let the victim alone in solitary places or a room and try to make him move in a group of relations or friends so that the grief may fade away with the active company with others. Meanwhile you could offer him ample chance to unleash his impulses or outbursts of grief as it is a protective mechanism against the peril of the victim ruining himself with extreme dejection. Thus you could gradually keep him occupied in day-to-day activities and take him to places of interest where you are better able to build his self-assurance and the self-image. Always find time to discuss with him the nature of bereavement and sorrow. Tell him that it is a universal truth. If you let him speak for a long time, he will release much of his repressed feelings and become free enough to take part in social activities even at the least. Gently convince him of the truth that death is a natural phenomenon which is common to all. Apart from that the person should be allowed to cry or express anger, and you must make arrangements for him to have a sound sleep and rest. Finally if such a person suffers from insomnia or develop suicidal tendencies, it is far better to keep him under supervision and treatment of a specialist.

Most people who fell prey to the LTTE violence, tsunami and other natural disasters such as floods and landslides find themselves still obsessed with the stressful memories and traumatic experiences. This impact is so acute that they are highly disturbed even in sleep with nightmares, and sudden waking up startled in the dead of night. Those who witnessed their loved ones being swallowed by the rolling waves, are still startled by the sight of the sea or the sound of the water itself. It is pathetic to note that these people are unable to have a nightlong sleep or at least a five hour sleep. They once again experienced tsunami disaster emotionally and often wake up highly terrified by nightmares. On the whole, the pathetic side of the story is the threat the calamity produces in the memory throughout one's lifetime. As a result of being exposed to stunning experiences, an individual may have loss of memory, inferiority complex-suspiciousness, mental confusion, lesser inter-relationships, restlessness, cynicism, baseless fear, inability of decision-making, isolation and marked disappointment. Anxiety and irritability are major emotional disorders that follow a harmful experience.

Emotional first aid vital

Children who are affected by disasters are obsessed with the continual fear of being detached from their parents, fear of darkness, baseless fear, restlessness, and decline of trust on elders.

Ruwini (name fictitious) a nine-year-old girl reports to have been sexually abused by her 55-year-old uncle when she was eight years. This experience left her with an aversion and fear for adult strangers, and other male adults. Loss of appetite and sleep were the indirect consequences of this tragic experience. Shivamani (name fictitious) a ten-year-old Tamil boy saw his father being hacked to death by terrorists when he was in Mannar. Later he showed strange ways of behaviour. He avoided watching scenes featuring violence on TV, startled at seeing strangers or adults, ate comparatively less, talked to people with a frightened look and avoided all peer group activities common to a boy.

Kamal (name fictitious) a 15-year-old boy in Nuwara Eliya, watched with disbelief, how his father was being buried alive by an avalanche of mud while working on the farm. This tragedy was instrumental in making the boy half dumb. Frequently he cried and struggled hard on the bed, habitually pointed his fingers at the place where his father died, and often blamed his friends, whenever his isolation was disturbed by them.

This type of children with similar traumas are to be treated with top most priority and care. The following steps are suggested to bring them back to what they were, that is to re-establish them to their previous routine of life.

Be an understanding and sympathetic listener to what is revealed or whatever is spoken.

Avoid giving your own judgemental remarks on what they say.

Build up a successful relationship with the victims of disaster. This will enable them to speak their heart out with confidence.

Convince them that they still are not downgraded but they have hidden potential to achieve the best in life.

Offer them opportunity to give vent to their impulses and emotions.

Avoid interruptions and ensure confidentiality of information received from the victims.

In any case, how you deal with the victims of a calamity and what emotional back up you may offer, definitely reveal who you are!