How to enhance your self-esteem

Self-esteem plays a major role in life. When you live up to your personal standards, you invariably enjoy high self-esteem. When you do not meet your own expectations, your self-esteem suffers.

Sometimes, your actual self might be at odds with your ideal self. For instance, you think you are a generous person ( ideal self), but you are not willing to help others (actual self). Such discrepancies will lead to psychological disorders.

In the highly complex modern world such discrepancies are quite common. Therefore, those who wish to safeguard their self-esteem will have to know how to cope with such situations. One way to cope with such a situation is to change your behaviour. For instance, a student who always scores low marks at examinations can use better study methods to get high marks. Unfortunately, some people turn to alcohol to relieve their tension turning their plight from bad to worse.

Self-esteem requires a person to have a set of beliefs about his personal qualities and typical behaviour. Psychologists call this "self-concept." People have a number of different self-concepts that operate in divergent situations. They may refer to their physical, social, emotional or intellectual selves.

When you are in a class, a particular self-concept begins to operate.

You will direct your attention to note-taking, recall clues, and the lecturer's explanations. Similarly, when you are among friends, a different self-concept will be in operation. Sometimes, you will wonder how nice it is to have more friends.

Unknown to many of us, self-concept affects our behaviour, both present and future. Self-concept helps us to gather goal-oriented information and to act on it. Those who have developed their self-concept will be able to face future challenges and stressful situations more effectively than others. One important factor is that self-concepts do not change easily in your life.

Psychologists cite many instances to show that self-concepts do not change easily. For example, a person given to criminal activities will have a strong tendency to commit crime. As a result, the law enforcement authorities will find it difficult to wean him from crime.

However, when there are major events in such a person's life, his self-concept is likely to undergo changes. Even a hard-core criminal who comes under the influence of a religious teacher may try to lead a crime-free life.

Our self-concepts vary in complexity. Those with great self-complexity can cope with life's problems more easily than those with low self-complexity. For instance, a company director who loses his cool over a rude remark made by one of his subordinates will give a sympathetic hearing to another employee who has a personal problem. This can only be done by someone who has a high degree of self-complexity. According to Patricia Linville, a leading psychologist, a positive or negative event directly affects only that self-component related to the event.

Thus, self-complexity contributes to self-esteem.You may have seen certain people brooding over a single unhappy event throughout the day or sometimes for longer periods. One unhappy incident in life should not mar the happiness of a lifetime. Life's problems should be solved as and when they arise. In fact, Linville advises people to get involved in a variety of roles, relationships and situations. For instance, you can be a faithful husband or wife while being a teacher, administrator, counsellor, artist or musician. Such a broad range of experiences will undoubtedly enhance your self-complexity.

Psychologists have discovered many ways of enhancing a person's self-complexity that ultimately lead to greater self-esteem. One method recommended by them is to observe your own behaviour. Almost all successful people evaluate their own behaviour. In the evaluation process, you begin to compare yourself with others. In Leon Festinger's words, this is "social comparison." Most of us compare ourselves with others and come to various conclusions. We do this to maintain our self-image. The desire to dress well, be presentable to others and do well in life are all related to self-image.

Another factor that affects your self-concept is the feedback you get from others. We get our first feedback from our parents and then teachers. The circle widens as we grow old. In our adult life, social groups and even the government begin to pass judgements on our activities. Such feedback is important to boost our self-esteem.

Then there are cultural guidelines that shape our self-concept. Social groups, various organisations and law enforcement authorities begin to shape our self-concept. For instance, when we do something good, we receive awards. Today a non-government organisation gives Civilian Bravery Awards to deserving people. Even the Government gives State Literary Awards, and various other honours to artists and authors.

Those who receive such honours feel good and their self-esteem increases.

In modern cross-cultural societies individualism and collectivism seem to be two competing forces. Individualism requires the individual to achieve personal goals. Collectivism demands people to achieve group goals determined by social class or caste. In most developed countries such as the United States, collectivism seems to take precedence over individualism. In such societies people tend to think that they are superior to others. They also try to disregard the sensibilities of poor nations.

In countries such as India and Sri Lanka, people cherish individualism more than collectivism. Even Buddhism is meant to improve individual behaviour. The final goal of Nibbana too can be attained through individual effort.

Cultural values are also responsible for various stereotypes that mould our lives. In eastern societies, people used to think that women should not work in factories. The male was thought to be the sole breadwinner . However, probably due to western influence, today women too do different jobs and compete with men.

To sum up, building self-esteem requires you to recognise that you can control your self-image. On the other hand, you should not allow others to set your goals. What is more, you must try to recognise realistic goals. If you do less of negative self-talk and emphasise your strengths, you will have no major problem in achieving your realistic goals. When you achieve such goals, your self-esteem will be enhanced.