Rape, it's time to stand up for it!

By Nikita Samaratunga

I recently attended a talk discussing the Delhi rape case, where Prof Uditi Sen from Hampshire College, Ma. made a remark that forcibly struck a chord within me - "Rape is not about desire, it is an act of violence." Rape is a hate crime. Coming from a society that tells women to be careful when going out alone, to dress modestly, to conduct themselves in a particular manner and not to attract the attention which would arouse the desire of the opposite sex, this was particularly resonant for me. Rape, in fact, has nothing to do with desire. Rape is an act of violence and hatred; it is the defilement of a woman, mentally and physically.

Growing up in a society where I was taught to be afraid, afraid of men, afraid of what they could do to my body, afraid of what my behaviour could attract, Prof Sen's words were a turning point for me. We live in a society where we tell women to be careful, to be scared, and to behave themselves - but that should not be the case.

Rape is not about desire, it is about violence and it is about hatred. Instead of pointing fingers at the perpetrators, we point fingers at the victims - "it was her fault," "she asked for it" are common comments.

According to the Sri Lanka police website, the official figure for acts of rape stood at 1870 for the year 2011.

The actual number can be expected to be considerably higher in view of the many unreported cases. I wonder if all those women "asked for it?" We live in a society that vilifies women, especially those who break the mould of the obedient, subservient, modest Sri Lankan girl. Women who are independent and choose to wear what they like and act the way they wish, are criticised by those who ask the question "who are they to decide what they do with their lives, and especially their bodies?"

We live in a world, where fear is instilled in every little girl. Fear that they may one day become victims of rape. We live in the 21st Century. It is about time we question the real roots of rape.

It's time we examine the men in our society- teach them that women are to be respected- show them that rape does not go unpunished. It is time that we question what it is to be a man and manhood. Rape does not signify power or strength or masculinity.

As the Times of India so eloquently put it, "The true test of your manhood is how you treat a woman. All women. Any woman. Every woman. If you do not respect a woman, you are only half a man."

It is time that we put this victim blaming behind us - it has taken too long and too many women have suffered already.

It is about time that society faces the real question - what is it to be a man? I can tell you what it doesn't constitute - raping a woman.