It’s never too late to turn your life around

by Lional Wijesiri

Recently, I was reading an interesting memoir titled Never too late by Anne Clark Martindell (1914 - 2008), an American politician and diplomat. Martindell was a conventional mother and housewife until she began a career at the age of 50.

Landmarks in her late-blooming career included the completion of a four-year degree program at Smith University College at 87, an event that was the topic of a segment on many television programs including The Oprah Winfrey Show, and a half-page article in The New York Times.

Martindell was born in New York City, the daughter of William J. Clark, a lawyer and later, judge. In her memoir, she describes her early life as sheltered, herself as shy, and her life as a New York debutante as “conventional.” Although she entered Smith College as a member of the Class of 1936, she reported that her father was shocked to learn, after her freshman year, that she planned a legal career and insisted that she leave the College to marry, which she did at 19.

When she was 50 years old, she launched her career as an elementary school teacher and fundraiser for charities. Appointed Vice-Chairperson of the New Jersey Democratic Party in the 1960s, she drew media attention when her all-male colleagues attempted to bar her presence at a strategy meeting, but she forced her way in. At the age of 59, Martindell was elected to the New Jersey State Senate where she served until she was 63, focusing on legislation concerning education and the environment.

She was among the first New Jersey politicians to endorse Jimmy Carter for President and, after her term in the State Senate, she moved to Washington where she served as Director of the Office of Foreign Disaster Assistance. At the age of 65, she was nominated by President Carter and confirmed by the US Senate as the US Ambassador to New Zealand and Western Samoa. She served three years in that post.

Martindell’s love of New Zealand lasted the rest of her life. When she was 72 years, she was concerned about deteriorating US - New Zealand relations, and founded the United States - New Zealand Council to promote understanding and friendship. The Council, active to this day, lists Martindell as Chairperson Emeritus.

If this sounds like a fable, and perhaps it qualifies, this would be the place to point out several additional truths: Foremost, that all first chances contain seeds for a second. Without water or soil, they can lie dormant forever. Those seeds are durable, though. They can bloom years later.

Second chance

There are a few things we could learn from Martindell. We all need second chances because this isn’t a perfect world and we are not perfect people. We rarely get things right the first time. Almost every major accomplishment in a person’s life starts with the decision to try again and again - to get up after every failed attempt and give it another shot.

The only difference between an opportunity and an obstacle is attitude. Getting a second chance in life is about giving yourself the opportunity to grow beyond your past failures.

Rules

It’s never too late to change direction. Regardless of past mistakes, you can decide today to take a different path. Here are some suggestions to help you:

The first step is to understand why you are where you are and what went wrong. You can’t turn your life around until you take responsibility for your actions. If you blame other people or circumstances, you inhibit your ability to make changes.

Next, identify exactly what actions you took, or decisions you made, that led to your current situation. It may not be obvious at first, but there is always a cause and effect. It may be hard to face what you have done, but it’s essential before you can turn things around.

Think “What challenges do I have to overcome to turn things around?” Some examples are further education, more time, extra money, getting rid of bad habits, relationships and attitude. Having this understanding allows you to begin to develop an action plan.

Identify negative self-talk. To turn your life around, you have to believe you can and tell yourself you can. Many people have become so used to negative self-talk that they accept it as normal. Telling yourself that you can’t do something, naturally prevents you from accomplishing it.

Whatever mistakes you have made, you are not the first to make them. There are many others before you who have travelled the same path. There are also numerous examples of how these people managed to turn their lives around. Look for these success stories and study the approach they used. There’s no need for you to reinvent the wheel. It’s a lot more efficient to use the same plan that has been proven to work for others than to figure everything out on your own.

Take a look at your present needs and expectations. We change over time. We change as a result of our experiences. We don’t want to make decisions based on outdated needs and expectations. It simply means, your goals have to fit you where you are today. Fulfilling a goal which is externally imposed, rather than emanating from your own desires, rarely leads to satisfaction, if it is attained at all. Part of this process involves distinguishing needs from wants. People get into trouble, especially financially, when they don’t accurately separate the two. Anything you can get by without, is a want. Be honest in this assessment. Don’t use what others have acquired as a gauge; you are not in a competition.

These steps will help you turn your life around. While you can’t undo or change the past, you can take steps to get on to as positive a path as possible. You are never too old, and it’s never too late to start turning your life around.

Opportunity

Every difficult moment in our lives is accompanied by an opportunity for personal growth and creativity. However, to attain this growth and creativity, we must first learn to let go of the past. We must recognise that difficulties pass like everything else in life. And once they pass, all we’re left with are our unique experiences and the lessons required to make a better attempt next time. Don’t quit just because you didn’t get it right on your first shot.

And don’t waste your life fulfilling someone else’s dreams and desires. You must follow your intuition and make a decision to never give up on who you are capable of becoming.

Bottom line: If you want a real second chance, you’ve got to be willing to give it all you got. This means you have to strengthen and maintain your self-control. Remember, life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Achieving your dreams can be a lot of work, even the second time around. Be ready for it.