Beware of immortal names

I named my youngest offspring, Chandana. To be more explicit and more correct, it was the prelate who headed the temple sited in a unique geographical venue where Rajarata, Maya and Ruhuna converged in bygone days. Melodious name, the Bhikkhu chanted, his voice echoing across the emerald hills that encircled the valley where we were living then.

In such circumstances I could not say “No”, a failing that has affected my whole life. Today the whole country seethes with Chandanas, no doubt a fashionable name in the early 60s, that had captivated the robed one of the highlands too... they could be vulnerable as any other being.

Anyway, Chandana is not an immortal name or a name that immortals carry. It is superfluous to state that nobody, except in religious mythology, is born immortal.

They attain immortality via the roles they play after the ordeal of entering the world. As quoting local examples may create their own problems especially in today’s hectic clime, into this caliber I enter foreign figures such as George Washington, Florence Nightingale, Albert Einstein, Karl Marx, Mahathma Gandhi and Jawaharlal Nehru.

Just try the natives too, better the ones who are no more such as Piyadasa Sirisena or Gajaman Nona or Stephen Senanayake or David Hewavitharana or J.R. Jayewardene. It says for the the goodness of the world that many a parent who give such names to their children always go for the virtuous breed.

What I mean is, no one in his or her names will name the child Sinner, Satan or Maraya or Adolf Hitler or Polpot, the Cambodian tyrant. Even Che Guera will not have many takers despite hossanas sung to his fiery spirit. Parents, to avoid trouble in the future always go in for pensive names which some just discard when in adult action.

Mechanism

Our own country, has evolved a counter mechanism to discourage the habit of naming children after illustrious figures. This aversion is more rampant in rural areas where no villager nor his wife opts to name their son, Siddartha Gauthama nor their daughter Yasodhara or Mahamaya. “Eswaha katawaha vadenawa" is the term they use, a term that defies translation but an attempt is made,” Armour against evils that spring from the eyes and mouth. “So they opt for the low level names as Siripala, Somadasa and Nandawathie, avoiding wisely the illustrious names.

This topic rose initially within my wandering mind at the memory of a day, when I got confronted with a duo of females who carried my name. Strangely never before, never after. It was the day following the week I changed houses.

A neighbour brought in a letter addressed to me but it had been opened by her for she carried the same name. Two hours later a white woman, as white as my wall, nearly killed me as she brandished a PC.

“It says here that you would return my dress in two weeks but now a whole month has lapsed”. Flabbergasted by the accusation I told her that I am no seamstress.

“You have made a mistake”
“But the PC carries your name”
Division of labour

“Leave alone sewing for others I don’t sew my own dresses for I only write and administer. Division of labour, you know”

“Division of labour! Gods! To voice that, you can’t be a tailor” And she disappeared much to my glee. I only hoped that day of mistaken identity would end soon.

But I have strayed from my real topic of Immortal identities. To my Asian name that corresponds with lotus, my father tagged on the name, Beatrice name of a queen of a Western sea board. After I turned acutely patriotic for some reason or other and had even begun lambasting this country for the dirty disease of imperialism I discarded the foreign name altogether.

The topic again got refreshed within me at the recent elections.

To perform my major right as a citizen of Sri Lanka I limped my way to the booth but got flustered when I went through the list of candidates, all hoping to rule the little island. Volunteering to shoulder a rather rotten package was the son of the President’s (not outgoing then) too contesting? There was his name.

Later I got to know that another candidate carried the famous name.

Adverse result

Though the issue did not concern me direct, I mulled on the matter not realising that the line of voters was lengthening out along with curses. This also illustrates the adverse result of the overuse of common names that tend towards celebrity status too.

Now to a character who suffered much from his famous, better say, immortal name. I came across him in an old Readers’ Digest magazine.

His parents some dozens of years back had named him William Shakespeare optimistically hoping that he would blossom into a literary prodigy and go on to mesmerise the wide world with his literary talents. But alas, he never did and ended up in a very mundane terrain proliferating with taxes and bonds and securities and other such documents that plague the middle class entrepreneur. This disappointment is one that millions of parents suffer from and will continue to suffer from.

But thank the gods, he, I mean this second William Shakespeare writes too though not reaching the incredible heights that his predecessor reached. After waxing on several episodes that he was trapped in due to the folly of his parents, he comes to the end in this style.

“One day I put in a long distance call to inquire about some securities. After I had given my name, William Shakespeare, the broker asked me to repeat it, which I did, with an abject prayer on my lips”.

The explosion occurred as I feared it would.

“Listen, mister. I have no time for practical jokes. I am too busy” The receiver slammed, leaving me with a toll card of 5.50 $ and absolutely nothing to show for it”.

He then recounts a tale where in an elevator he is introduced to Governor Smith by a pal.

“Upon hearing my name he burst into a hearty laugh exclaiming, Well, the joke is on me I thought that guy was already dead”.

Thus the revealing of his immortal name always led to “Quizzical consternation.”

William Shakespeare, the second one, now pathetically goes on with this passage.

“And so goes my life, one tense situation after another, some amusing, some downright humiliating."

He goes on to give this advice to parents. “I hope my own horrible example will serve a warning to parents who contemplate naming their parents after immortals. In my own case I try to smile as I bear my cross each day but in my soul I heartily wish that my parents had called me Oswald”.

Why Oswald? I am ignorant of that but according to what I gathered about WS 2 he would go in for any other name but never, William Shakespeare or any other famous name that veers towards the common aspect too. He just dreads them.