Anger - healthy, human emotion
We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it: whether as a
fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But
when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to
problems-problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the
overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're
at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. This brochure is
meant to help you understand and control anger.
What is Anger?
The Nature of Anger
Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild
irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger,
PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other
emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes;
when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the
levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.
Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could
be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or
event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused
by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of
traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.
Expressing Anger
The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond
aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it
inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow
us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain
amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.
On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or
object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense
place limits on how far our anger can take us.
People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to
deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are
expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in
an assertive-not aggressive-manner is the healthiest way to express
anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs
are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive
doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of
yourself and others.
Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This
happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus
on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and
convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of
response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can
turn inward-on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension,
high blood pressure, or depression.
Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to
pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior
(getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather
than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually
cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down,
criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how
to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't
likely to have many successful relationships.
Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling
your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses,
taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the
feelings subside.
As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work,
that's when someone-or something-is going to get hurt."
Anger Management
The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional
feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get
rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you
change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.
Are You Too Angry?
There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry
feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But
chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already
know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control
and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with
this emotion.
Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others?
According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes
in anger management, some people really are more "hotheaded" than others
are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average
person does. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud
spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily
angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they
withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.
People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists
call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that
they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or
annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly
infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being
corrected for a minor mistake.
What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may
be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are
born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are
present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is
often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express
anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a
result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.
Research has also found that family background plays a role.
Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are
disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications. Is It
Good To "Let it All Hang Out?"
Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use
this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that
"letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and
does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the
situation.
It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then
to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the
edge.
Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay
Relaxation
Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery,
can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can
teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you
can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a
relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good
idea for both of you to learn these techniques.
Some simple steps you can try:
Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't
relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."
Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy."
Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.
Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory
or your imagination.
Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and
make you feel much calmer. Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use
them automatically when you're in a tense situation. |