...Yamuda bus eke

by Afreeha Jawad

If you happen to be on board one of those buses that go past illicit brew centres (why the native kasippu is illicit and the more sophisticated is licensed 'respectable' God only knows) you perhaps most unwittingly are in for some thought-provoking entertainment coming off drunken stupor.

Outstanding among these joints are Maradana and Kanatte bus halts - incidentally the latter dubbed airport not of a flight landing one, but where mortal man's metaphysical existence is plummeted into eternal solitude.

These drunks-all of the low income group seemingly explicit in all what they say and do unlike their counterparts in other social placement make any weary office traveller enliven his tattered nerves. Walking literally on their fours as it were, unable to identify the bus steps, they would most often climb the first and fall flat on the pavement thinking they are well on board.

One day, the conductor guy - one of those more humane ones encountering such misery shouted to the driver, 'Hitapan machan pavu ney. Moo hatharen yanney. Okawa athulata, daa gamu.' (Poor fellow is on all fours. Let's put him in".Bending forward and picking up the tattered drunk he requested him to get in. Before one could even say Jack Johnson Pat came the reply much to passenger amusement.

'Aney palayan V... putha, mama inney bus eka athuley thamai' (Get away you son of a ..... I'm already inside)

That the kind conductor was recipient to such outrageous outburst was to be tolerated given the offenders fallen state was passenger opinion as the driver readied himself into fisticuffs and all.

However, conductor empathy is not readily available all the time. There was one instance when one of those having lavishly treated himself to this 'energizer,' insisted he had bought the ticket, when in reality it was the much preferred free ride state.

The conductor guy, one of those lean and scraggy fellows simply kicked the poor man off the bus and the pavement was to be his abode - yes the poor guy was there fallen flat at the same place even the next day long past 24 hours. I was on my way to office and there he was thoroughly soaked - remember the sheets of rain that lashed islandwide last week? In a way that record breaking downpour may have been helpful in servicing him for one unique feature of these drunks is their undying thirst for uncleanliness.

Dirt filled sarongs and shirts not washed for days, God knows when they even last used a razor with bits of beard hanging off facial muscle, the saliva which flow knows no end coming off toothless enclave, the unbearable stench as they go past surely very agonizing to those around, but to be borne as any other Sri Lankan shortcoming - never mind about your right to clean environment-all go into how these folk could make others' lives a hell hole.

One such guy last week got in and threw himself beside a young thing - all spruced up in coat and trousers, not to mention her make up stilettoes, hair cut short. Yes she looked a typical Fort office girl - the new breed you find emerging, replacing yesteryear's saree clad.

Before the next breath she sprang up leaving the man to an embarrassing question.

'Aney Miss. Api honda madida?' 'Aren't we good enough?'. The laughter from within the bus knew no bounds and the young woman, never mind her destination got off right at the next halt unable to bear the embarrassment. The indignant girl all very red in the face was seen hurrying along the pavement and was not without her side long glances at those inside the moving bus.

One of these guys in the drinking fraternity (well, I am yet to recall the like of what he resorted to) one fine day got in swaggering, (that's to say the least) carrying two loaves of bread and landed on a woman's lap. It was all her screaming that propelled him next to a young man. Swaying to and fro-sometimes even missing out on his seat, soliloquising and looking around, he flung the bread on to his neighbour's lap literally ordering him.

'May paan tika gihin gedarata deepan, nethnan magey ganita (wife) pissu vehei' ('Go home you fellow with this bread. Just in case my wife goes mad').

An elbow pounding from the youngster sent the bread flying all over the bus in bits and pieces while the drunk stood up and asked the guy.

'Umba narumayek. Kaalakanniyek. Kaatada umba upanney kiyapan (You god forsaken useless fellow tell me who gave birth to you) The young guy retorted, 'Oya tikama thamai mama umben ahanna giye.' ('In fact I was just trying to ask you that').