Divorce:

Are the laws too old for our times?

by Rikaza Hassan

Divorce is still a pretty dirty word in our society, a social pariah that makes for good gossip and bad conversation. Though far past the malevolence with which its execution was associated with in the past, it is nevertheless not without rumour in the present.

Whatever your opinion on divorce itself may be, the Roman Dutch Law of Sri Lanka recognises three leagal criteria for a divorce to legally take place: Infidelity, impotence (if not known before marriage) and malicious desertion. The famous edict of 'irreconcilable differences' for example, so very publicised by British and American celebrities and their variable lifestyles is not an available ground for divorce in this country. As is not other decrees such as non disclosure of criminal convictions - no one wants to remain married to a convicted murderer.

Mixed feelings

"Thank the Lord for that," is the opinion of 28-year-old mother of one, Kanchana. "We are already suffering from a cultural and religious crisis and the last thing we need is to bring in more legal reasons for getting a divorce.

It has now become fashionable to get married and divorced in the western world and this is most definitely not something we should be following blindly like so many other modern trends.

Marriage should not just be jumped into because you want an excuse to throw a big party and stay the centre of attention for a period of time, and when all the buzz dies down to file for divorce. We should not let the commercialism that has already taken over Christmas, engulf divorce as well by making it readily available to anyone."

'Irreconcilable differences' refers to the situation when two people who have entered upon holy matrimony find that they are no longer compatible, or never were in the first place, when they find that they are no longer able to live together as husband and wife. Gihan, an engaged 29-year old counting down the days to his own nuptials is more sympathetic towards the dissolution of marriage.

"Marriage, no matter how well you think you know a person, or even if you've lived together before, is always a risk. Besides people are only human and bound to make mistakes; no one is perfect.

This statute accounts for this, and that marriage cannot be endured for marriage's sake but must be enjoyed." He continues further on the frequently witnessed local situation of 'staying together anyways', "Two people choosing to pretend to be in a marriage to please other people, or for the children, is stupid.

The children not only grow up with a false and messed up view of marriage, (as there is no love between the parents) but probably also have to put up with fighting and parental jealousy. It's a pathetic situation that can be so easily rectified."

Escape route

Nevertheless, as portrayed by the current state of affairs in western celebrity marriages, 'irreconcilable differences' can also be used as an easy escape route for two people who cannot be bothered to make their marriage work any more, or someone who found a better catch, and so on.

The other side of the coin, so to speak, Malith remarks that it must be peppered with fail safes if it is to work only as originally intended. "Marriage is a sacred contract; its sanctity must be protected.

Nonetheless divorce is inescapable, yet it should not be the frequent occurrence that it is today around the world, nor should the numerous marriages of a single individual be commonplace. While we should not make it too tough a process for those who really need it, I think we should make the rules surrounding it more stringent so that not every couple going through a bad patch will have already proved themselves incompatible before they realise how to resolve their issues.

There should be mandatory counselling for the two parties when a divorce is filed, before it can be brought to court again. The Muslims have something of the kind in their Shariah law where it is stipulated that reconciliation is given a try.

Revise divorce laws

Chandima opines that divorce laws must be revised to make the painful process smoother and less hard on all the individuals involved. The divorced and sole custodian of her two children insists that the excruciating process has put her off giving marriage a second chance for the rest of her life.

"There are more genuine reasons for a marriage to die other than impotency and malicious desertion. Just because someone lives in the same house as you do, or sleeps on the same bed as you do does not mean that he is your soul mate." She adds that it is a time when there is a lot of anger bubbling at the surface, "When wild claims are flying around at the heat of the moment, when children are fought over, our laws are too old for our times, and simply make it more trying for the families involved."

Bringing in more grounds to file for divorce or making the dissolution of marriage process smoother is most definitely not in the cards of the present or future governments, what with election results to always be given the top priority.

Nonetheless it is intriguing to ponder if we are not merely denying a liberty to those in need of it, or truly protecting those who are in danger of crossing the acceptable line.

All names have been changed