Darling we aren't too old, though we pass the Jubilee Gold

Forgive and forget

Secrets of a happy marriage :

by Lakmal Welabada

"Marriage is a business of give and take. One should cultivate patience and tolerance on a great scale if he or she wants to have a happy marriage. People make mistakes. So, better forgive them," advocates Dr. Jayasuriya who will celebrate his 54th Wedding Anniversary this year.

Mahabaduge Hiranya Fernando Jayasuriya was born on June 6 in 1924 at Dehiwala to M. David Fernando Jayasuriya, a landed proprietor and Agnus Matilda Gunewardane as the youngest of seven siblings.

"My very first school was Girls' High School, Dehiwala. I attended pre-school there. Since I was a brat, my sisters who were studying in the upper grades there always got complaints and even scolded over my mischievousness. I was a headache to them. They used to grumble at home saying I was a great trouble maker at school. Luckily to their relief I was soon sent to S. Thomas, Mount Lavinia," recollects Jayasuriya.

Jayasuriya's maternal grandfather, W. F. Gunewardana who lived in the famous Wasala Walawwa, Mount Lavinia was a scholar in oriental languages. He was a government officer who worked as a chief translator in the courts.

Since this was during the British era, Swabhasha concept was rising up all over. Though S. Thomas gave an intensive English education, Sinhala language was not taught with much enthusiasm. "Learning Sinhala was considered as an informal 'must' among many rich and poor of Sri Lanka at that time.

Indian independence movement might have also been influenced greatly into this. However my mother who was watching all of us my four elder brothers and I studying in English at S. Thomas and St. Josephs got so anxious.

Being a daughter of a Sinhala scholar she also wanted one of her sons to carry on her father's work. This made her to enter me to Ananda College, Colombo. And from grade 6 to London Matriculation I had a great time at this Buddhist National School," he recalls.

Jayasuriya's Sinhala was too weak to master Sinhala literature. But he won the challenge. "Ananda College provided us completely a different atmosphere from S. Thomas.

Although medium of teaching was English, everything else was done according to the Sinhala culture and customs. I found it really difficult to fit in to the Sinhala Buddhist nationalism.

However, it provided us a great opportunity to learn our own roots of the motherland, giving us an extra prestige that we also hailed from a great nation. Mr. P. D. de S. Kularatne was the Principal at Ananda at that time," says Jayasuriya."S. Thomas exposed us to a good English background while Ananda sought out our lineage as a nation and a great knowledge in oriental languages. They were two different worlds, and I was fortunate to get the best of both," he says.

"We learnt Pali also in English at Ananda. So it was not at all a difficult for me to master the language. I even won the College prize for Pali," he shows the 'Bhagawath Geethaa' he got as the Pali award in 1941.

Jayasuriya entered the University of Ceylon (today University of Colombo) in 1942, and started studying Pali, Sanskrit and Sinhala. He specialised in Sanskrit. Unlike today those days a certain fee had to be paid to study in the university.

Jayasuriya was fortunate as he got the school from Ananda College and was drawing Rs. 40 per month. But the same year he entered the university, the free education system was introduced to Sri Lanka and Jayasuriya never got affected by the fees system practised earlier.

Jayasuriya got a first class honour degree and became an Assistant Lecturer at the Sanskrit Department.

"It was 1947, and I had just taken the new batch of students at my Sanskrit lecture. Generally those days a few girls entered to the university and they were given the front row of the seats in the lecture hall.

There was a girl looked very pretty sitting right in front of me, and to some reason my eyes always stopped at her. She smiled and posed very friendly. She was Yasoma Gurusinghe whom I later ended up getting married," he smiles.Yasoma beams serving me (the writer) and the photographer a cool drink. "Please wait for lunch today," she says. Her charming friendly attitude still blooms on her face, even though is close to 80s. No wonder Jayasuriya's heart stopped near hers.

"I was born on December 12 in 1927. Dharmadasa Gurusinghe who was once the Principal of Mahinda College, Galle and Roslin Ratnawali Mampitiya were my parents. I had two brothers, one elder to me and the other younger to me. My elder brother is a lawyer and the younger brother is a dentist," reveals Yasoma.

"I went to Sacred Heart Convent, Galle where I had a memorable time. The nuns were very nice to us and we were brought up in a very decent atmosphere with a good knowledge of English.

But my father forcibly took me from the convent at the grade 6 level, and entered me into Mahinda where he was the Principal. It took me quite some time to adjust to a mix school as I first had my education in a girls' school. But however as Jaya told you I also got a great time studying at Mahinda where Swabhasha and Sinhala culture were given a prominent class of level," she recollects.

Yasoma took part in plays as well. "She was very popular among boys," he teases. "There, there, he is jealous," she laughs.

"Sending me to the university was my father's sole decision as many of my relatives were against it. Those days girls were not given that much exposure. But I was among the few lucky ones to have a 'brave' father to be firm in giving equal higher education to the girl child as well," she reminisces.

"Even in the university I took part in plays. So he used to drop me to my boarding place after the plays," she smiles. "Yes, yes, of course, how to send her alone? There were so many suitors eyeing her, but since, I, a lecturer was involved in the scene, they were reluctant to come forward. Otherwise I wouldn't have had her," he teases.

"See, he is still possessive," joins Yasoma with a broad smile.

Once he got the word from Yasoma, Jayasuriya went to meet her father. He was too anxious to get his to-be-father-in-law's consent as well. "She is just a first year student.

Let her finish her degree. After that come and meet me. If you'll still in love with her, I will consider about it," said Yasoma's father. Jayasuriya frowned, but tried hard to smile.

"He thinks wrong. I'm a not a man of two words. My heart won't change and would wait even until the next birth," he murmured to Yasoma's ear before he set off from the Principal's quarter's in Galle. Fathers are like that.

They think their daughters are the princesses; the most beautiful and the most quality ones and invaluable jewels.....

Jayasuriya had to depart from his beloved princess for two years to do his doctorate in Sobourn, Paris in 1949. Meanwhile Yasoma passed out of the university and went back to Galle. "I loved teaching since I was very small. Also I wanted to stay with my parents as I was away from them for a few years while I was in the university," she says.

Jayasuriya was probably the first Sri Lankan to enter Sobourn University. He was appointed as the Head of the Department of Sanskrit in the University of Peradeniya soon after his return in 1953. And in the same year on September 24, Jayasuriya and Yasoma entered wedded life after a long love affair.

Soon the couple was blessed with two sons and a daughter. "Both my sons are engineers, and now live in Australia and USA. Our daughter looks after us well," says Yasoma.

"Jaya became the Head of the Sanskrit Department at Kelaniya University. So his lecturing hours differed and was not a 8 to 5 job, and got 3 months vacation. But, since I was teaching I had to go to work everyday. So sometimes by the time I came home he had already returned while I had to work until 3 p.m.

The servants who used to stay with us could not realise what was happening. 'Mahattaya doesn't have a job, and Nona kills herself working like a cow. What a sinful situation,' she had said thinking that I was working and he was jobless," laughs Yasoma.

"Jaya was a family man who really helped me even at home and looking after the children. He has been a dutiful husband and a father," she says.

Dr. Jayasuriya had rendered a great service in his academical career as well. He had written and published nearly 15 books and many number of articles and research papers through out his university career until 1996. He retired in 1989, but continued his work with researchers both foreign and local, ardent learners of oriental languages and culture.

He was loved very much by generations of his pupils for his dedication as a teacher and his solicitous concern for their progress in mastering a difficult subject. His greatest happiness has been to see his pupils assume positions of responsibility in the national life of the country, be it in the Public Service or in the universities.

His pupils were anxious to felicitate their Guru for whom they have the highest regard and esteem with many titles. The title of 'Saahithya Chakrawarthi' (Doctor of Letters) was given to Dr. Jayasuriya by the University of Kelaniya along with a felicitation on February 9 in 2006. He was honoured with the title of Emeritus Professor from the University of Kelaniya after two years of his retirement.

The sporty Jayasuriya was the President of the Dehiwala-Mt. Lavinia Cosmopolitan Sport Club, which had earned a reputation for itself as one of the foremost Tennis playing Clubs in the Island.

Yasoma taught for 33 years while being involved in many Buddhist activities as the President of Kulagana Samithiya of the area.

They both lead a very tranquil life. The framed photographs of their sons' families seem to decrease their loneliness a bit. "Our daughter, Erandathi is a gem of a child. Our sons also phone and come down to Sri Lanka to see us very often. We are proud grandparents of 4 grand children," they say.

"Fifty years back, during our time, mostly arranged marriages took place. Arranged or not, they never thought of separations. Today is quite different as the values have changed," points out Yasoma.

"Compatibility is very important when selecting a partner. Just going by physical attractions won't lay a good foundation for a fruitful marriage. Same social status, ideas, ability to share common interests and education are some of the things that should be compared," advocates Dr. Jayasuriya.

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