Nail biting: Why it happens and what to do about it
Why grade-schoolers bite their
nails?
What to do about nail biting?
When to worry about nail biting
Why grade-schoolers bite
their nails? Your child may bite his nails for any number of reasons out
of curiosity or boredom, to relieve stress, or from force of habit. Nail
biting is the most common of the so-called "nervous habits," which
include thumb sucking, nose picking, hair twisting or tugging, and tooth
grinding, and is the most likely to continue into adulthood.
About a third of grade-schoolers and half of adolescents bite their
nails, and between a quarter and a third of college students admit to
still gnawing on theirs.Growing up is an anxious process, and many of
the tensions and pressures that come with it are invisible to parents.
If your child bites moderately (he doesn't injure himself) and
unconsciously (while watching television, for
example), or if he tends to bite in response to specific
situations (such as performances or tests), it's just his way of coping
with minor stress and you have nothing to worry about (for exceptions,
see "When to worry about nail biting").
In all likelihood, your grade-schooler will eventually stop on his
own, but if the biting goes on longer than you'd like, or if it's a
habit you just can't abide, there are simple ways to help him quit.
What to do about nail biting - Address his anxieties. "Our initial
response when children do something that worries us is to try to stop
the behaviour, and that's fine as a long-term goal," says parenting
educator Janis Keyser, co-author of Becoming the Parent You Want to Be.
"Before you can do that, though, it's essential that you deal with the
underlying causes of the behaviour and think about whether there's
stress in your child's life that you need to address."
If you have an idea about what might be making your child anxious - a
recent move, a divorce in the family, a new school, or an upcoming piano
recital complete with the grandparents who pay for the lessons - make a
special effort to help him talk about his worries. This is easier said
than done for most kids, of course, but suggesting a patently ridiculous
reason for the nail biting - "I know! You're trying to sharpen your
teeth!" - may prompt him to tell you what's really going on.
Don't nag or punish. Unless your child really wants to stop biting
his nails, you probably can't do much about it. Like other nervous
habits, nail biting tends to be unconscious.
If your grade-schooler doesn't even know he's doing it, nagging and
punishing him are pretty useless. Even adults have a terrible time
breaking themselves of habits like this - and most parents, when they
think about it, realize that they regularly model such behaviour. (Be
honest: Do you tug on your ear or twirl your hair while you talk on the
phone?)
If the habit bothers you, set limits. "No nail biting at the dinner
table" is as reasonable a rule as "No feeding the dog from your plate."
If you truly can't stand it, explain in a compassionate way that you
know he can't help biting his nails, but you don't like to watch, so
you're going to leave the room for a few minutes.
You can also remind your child that nail biting is a habit most
people find unattractive, so if he must persist, he should do it in
private. The most important thing is to keep what's basically a nuisance
from escalating or becoming charged with emotion. Stifling your
irritation for as long as you can and then snapping "Stop biting your
nails! I can't stand it!" may turn out be the opening shot in a long and
exhausting power struggle.
In general, though, as long as your child's not hurting himself and
doesn't seem overly stressed out, your best bet is to keep his
fingernails neatly trimmed to cut down on the temptation to bite off
ragged tips, remind him to keep his hands clean to cut down on his
ingestion of germs, and try to keep your attention focused elsewhere.
If you pressure him to stop, you'll just be adding to his stress and
risk intensifying the behaviour. Moreover, any direct intervention on
your part - such as painting nasty-tasting solutions on his fingernails
- will feel like a punishment to him, whether you mean it that way or
not. The less fuss he associates with the habit, the more likely he is
to stop on his own when he's ready, and the more likely he is to feel
comfortable asking you for help.
Help him when he wants to stop. If your child's friends are teasing
him about his bitten nails, he may be ready to stop - and he'll need
your help. First, talk to him about the teasing, encouraging him to tell
you how it makes him feel. Reassure him that you love him no matter what
his nails look like.
Then move on to possible solutions. Talk about breaking habits. Begin
a discussion with your child about what nervous habits are and how it's
possible to break them. A good book to read together is Janet Munsil's
Where There's Smoke, in which nail-biting Daisy and her
cigarette-smoking dad try to break their habits together. Next, decide
how involved you should be in his plan to quit. Does he want you to
remind him when he lapses, or will that irritate him? The older kids
are, the less parental involvement they tend to prefer.
Help him become aware of the habit. Encourage your child to become
more aware of when and where he bites. Agree on a quiet, secret reminder
for times when he forgets - a light touch on the arm or a code word.
Some kids benefit from physical reminders that call their attention
to the habit the moment they do it. This option is helpful as long as
your child is the one choosing to try it; if not, it'll just seem
punitive to him.
Some techniques to try: Having him keep adhesive bandages on his
fingertips or stickers on his nails; painting his nails with two layers
of nail strengthener, which makes biting more of a challenge; or
applying a bitter-tasting bite-averting solution such as Thum, available
in drugstores.
Be sure to check the ingredients first, though. (Thum, for instance,
is made with cayenne pepper, so it's appropriate only for kids who can
remember not to rub their eyes.)Offer an alternative. Suggest a
substitute activity or two (Silly Putty for car rides, for instance, or
a smooth stone to hold while reading), and then have your child practice
the alternative habit for a few minutes before school or at bedtime.
In addition, identify some relaxation techniques he can try when he
feels the urge to bite - deep breathing, say, or clenching and releasing
his fists. You might also attach a small pair of fingernail clippers to
his key chain or belt loop so he won't be tempted to gnaw at snags. If
he's old enough, teach him how to use an emery board and keep one on his
bedside table or in a handy spot in the bathroom.
Try - and try again. Explain to your grade-schooler that different
people respond to different techniques, and encourage him to try a
variety of solutions if the first one doesn't work. In general, the
older he is, the more responsibility he can take in this
endeavour.Finally, remind him - and yourself - that habits are hard to
break and that the two of you are on the same side.
Take a break from habit-breaking if you need to. Eventually your
patience and persistence will pay off. When to worry about nail biting.
In rare cases, severe nail biting can signal excessive anxiety.
Consult your child's doctor or school nurse if he's biting his nails
so intently that his fingertips are sore or bloody, if his nail biting
is accompanied by other worrisome behaviours, such as picking at his
skin or pulling his eyelashes or hair out, or if he's not sleeping well.
Also consult your child's doctor if his nail biting habit surfaced
suddenly and escalated quickly. In either case, professional counselling
may be in order. |