The Test

by Bandara Samarakoon

The Community Centre was crowded with parents who were waiting anxiously to see the results of their children who sat for the last Grade Five scholarship examination. The Department of Examinations had announced that they would put the results on the web before midnight.

There was a computer with internet facilities at the community centre that catered to the requirements of the people lived in the housing scheme, who did not have their own connections.

Now it was past eleven in the late evening, and most of the children who were running about in the premises an hour ago, had either left for home or fallen asleep on the benches or on their parents' laps. Even some of the elders were dozing while some others, gathered here and there in small groups, were chatting with occasional laughter and raised voices.

"I had already made up my mind since long, to face the reality whatever it was going to be", said Mr. Senerath in his usual tone of self-confidence and unwavering flow of words.

He was talking to his small company about the impending moment of knowing the results of his son. However much he wished that his son would qualify, Mr. Senerath had mixed feelings about his son's performance at the test. Nevertheless, he wanted to face the outcome bravely regardless whether it was favourable or not.

"But, as for me, I cannot help the pounding inside my chest. Now it beats more and more intensely...," commented Mrs. Diwakara in a shaky voice. "I feel my throat has gone dry."

She took a bottle of water out of her valise and drank from it. "I don't know how I'm going to bear it if this girl hasn't...er...hasn't...", she could not finish the sentence. The corners of her eyes shined with a watery twinkle. She gave out a noisy sigh, stroking her daughter's head, who was now faster asleep on her lap.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Diwakara. Not that I don't understand your emotions," Mr. Senerath tried to console her, "but...but... you know, we will surely have to bear it, whether good or bad. So what I propose is to... you know, you've heard the saying, "Expect the best, but be prepared for the worst!"

"It's easily said than done", interposed Mr. Konara who was also burning the midnight oil until the results were out. "One has to face the real situation to see how tolerant he is!"

These words stabbed Mr. Senerath's side, and he could not find reasons to counter that. But he still wanted to remain calm and show his indifference about the issue.

"For me, I believe, I'd not break down whatever happens", he managed to put some words together just because he wanted to say something in order to regain his self-confidence.

"What I'm worried about more than anything else is the women's ridiculing talks", Mrs. Diwakara complained. "All the women in the staff will try to tease me asking about my daughter's marks. My goodness, what if it's going to be very low!", she lamented, and added very slowly, "They will say it's a shame for me, being a teacher myself."

"A child doesn't always reflect his or her parents' skills or disabilities!", Mr. Senerath opined pedantically. "Sometimes they shine brighter than their parents and sometimes no. They only show up what they are."

"All that's true, Mr. Senerath!", agreed Mr. Konara. "But, but we have emotions, you see, hopes and... and a self-esteem to keep ourselves going, and stand abreast with the society, don't we? Nobody wants to be a loser!"

"It's the rat race!", Mr. Senerath said in a sarcastic tone. "I've always wanted to keep aloof. I don't mind whether I win or lose. I can bear both in the same spirit. While you are in the race you are never happy or contented. You always feel like lacking something or another. Always on the hunt for something, you're never with the peace of mind!"

Mrs. Diwakara kept on staring at Mr. Senerath all the time while he was delivering this. She pondered whether he was saying the truth. How marvellous it should be if one could be so independent and self-satisfied. She was unable to think of losing. When he finished, Mrs. Diwakara let a long sigh and, shaking her head, murmured, "God knows..!"

The girl moved slightly in her sleep and uttered something meaningless. It made Mr. Senerath's thoughts fly back home. He had left behind his wife and the baby daughter there because his son was suffering from a sudden illness. His eyes roamed towards the clock on the wall. It was almost twelve midnight.

The two kids must be asleep now, but not his wife. She was surely keeping awake awaiting his return at any moment with the happy news. Then, there was a stirring about the door of the community centre office. People's voices began to rise, with a sudden rush of the crowd towards the office.

The clerk of the centre was heard yelling something, his voice drowning in the hullabaloo of the impatient gathering. Amidst the chaos, people seemed to be falling into a line. Mrs. Diwakara was seen scurrying, dragging her half-asleep daughter behind, in order to secure a forward slot. Mr. Konara, too, hurried his step and fitted himself into the queue somewhere about five people ahead of the last man, Mr. Senerath!

The first to receive their results walked past laughing and speaking noisily. They were the Guruges.

Their son had qualified, they told the others in the queue, and everybody congratulated them. Behind them were the next to get theirs, and the next. Most of the faces passing Mr. Senerath were lit up with happiness. However, there were some others who seemed to be not really satisfied, and some others, utterly desperate!

Mrs. Diwakara came blooming up to Mr. Senerath, with her daughter now fully awake and all smiles. She spoke in a fanatic manner; this, that and everything together. She hugged her daughter and kissed her again and again. "I knew she'd pass. I didn't have the least doubt about it, Mr. Senerath!"

Mr. Senerath congratulated both the mother and the child. Mrs. Diwakara, with the girl trotting behind, hurried away still talking, "I'm restless until I phone her father," the mother half-shouted.

The environment had become noisier with shouts and laughter. Amidst all this, an isolated sob and a sad remark also were heard. Mr. Senerath endeavoured to keep his mind free of all feelings, and tried his best to behave suitably with the people who wanted to exchange a word with him.

By and by, the line shortened, and Mr. Senerath lazily moved forward behind the others. Eventually, Mr. Konara's drooping figure appeared in front of him. He did not speak but his darkened countenance told it all.

Mr. Senerath held his hand and patted his back. "That's all right, Mr. Konara. Let's see. It doesn't end there. They have a long way to go, you know!" Mr. Konara's head bent down with his eyes casting a blank look on the floor. He was, indeed, not crying!

"I'll wait until you come", Mr. Konara managed to say after a few moments, and retired to a shadowy corner. Mr. Senerath wanted to tell him that he did not badly need Mr. Konara's company and he could go home if he wished so. But he himself was spellbound and so, uneasily kept quiet.

At last, Mr. Senerath was seen in front of the clerk,, offering the index number of his son. Within a moment he received his sheet of paper. For a couple of seconds he stood still staring at the figures printed on it. He did not clearly hear what the clerk had to say.

He just muttered an involuntary 'yes' followed by a 'no' without a particular meaning. Then, like in a dream, he slowly stepped out of the room and, taking his eyes away from the paper, looked around.

The whole area was submerged in complete silence since almost everybody had left by now, and the lights outside had been put off. By the single light that was coming out of the office door, a long shadow of Mr. Senerath was cast along the floor. Only the distant hoot of a lonely owl disturbed the tranquillity of the night.

He felt his heart burning inside. His legs were not obedient. He could not think of anything clearly. He leaned on his back against a pillar, but his body was not lively enough to stand erect even with the support of the pillar. Slowly he slipped down brushing the pillar and rested on the floor with his legs stretched wide apart.

In his sleep-like state he heard Mr. Konara's voice trying to comfort him. "That's life, Mr. Senerath! Nobody likes to be a loser. Come on. Let's see what we can do next!"