True friendships

by Lakmal Welabada

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Friends play a great role in our lives. The Buddha said `Vishvasa Parama Gnathi’ - person or friend who can be trusted is the best relative.

We encounter people with whom we continue our friendships for sometime or end up within a short time. With some we carry on for years. We might lose contact with many of our friends, but even when we come across them after decades, we would still smell the fragrance of the friendship we’ve had with them...

Sometimes we associate with others not knowing exactly what they are up to. Most of the time, we go out of the way stretching a lengthy helping hand, turning a listening ear, with a merciful `I’m there for you’ attitude ever ready to pull a tissue to wipe off their tears and so on.

Simultaneously we too open our hearts and souls disclosing even personal data. We tend to do so because we assume we have built a relationship with the `friend’ before us who has been exchanging their personal things as well. `Trust’ is the only string that keeps the souls of two people together.

Both love and friendship are on a `give and take’ basis. I’m not talking about intimate love, but the affection we share with our friends. We love our friends. Even more than our lovers or spouses we tend to share our thoughts with friends. But, are we blessed with genuine friendships from those who we think are `friends’?

I’ve thought of keying a few paragraphs about `friends’ after I heard the story below which was narrated by Kumari, one of my female friends who is working in a private sector institution.

Kumari encountered a girl (we’ll call her Surani), and soon they became `good friends’. Surani had a great talent for digging deep into one’s heart and could pull out the past, present and future of anybody.

Her `trustful words’ would entice anybody as she posed with the attitude of a frank and open heart. “I too trusted her, and would tell her whatever I felt about people to her,” says Kumari. However, a few of Kumari’s other mates gave her warning signals asking not to get close to Surani.

`You think she’s your friend, eh?’ once one of Kumari’s male acquaintances passed a comment while passing the place where both Kumari and Surani were talking. Kumari laughed and ignored all this, thinking they were `mad’. “I liked my `friend’ that much,” she laments. After a few months, Kumari realized things were not going right at her office, especially with her superiors.

By the time she got to know that her `friend’ was playing a double game it was too late. “My heart sank when I got to know I was `spied’ on. I was called for explanation. I’ve managed to save my job, but still go through the repercussions of `trusting’ her. I have no hatred towards her though the damage was immense. I knew I have to go a long way to judge people,” she says.

According to Kumari, Surani still plays a good card with her, and she too continues a good rapport with her. “But, sometimes, I feel betrayed and trapped, and the fear of being deceived terrifies me from time to time,” concludes Kumari. My dear readers, you might also have encountered situations like this in some stage of your life.

So, it’s quite a common occurrence in society. We have to associate with others, but the message I can give is, `better be careful’.. Some bemourn thinking they are not blessed with `best friends’. What I assume is, before expecting a `good friendship’ from others you have to produce it by yourself.

Trust, faith, honesty and respect towards each other are the strings that strengthen a good friendship, as `friends’ share their personal facts with each other, which they want to keep as secrets from the rest of the world. However, I personally make this opportunity to salute all my `best’ and `good’ friends I have had since I was a kid. Hope all my readers too be blessed with true friendships.